Hypergamy & Christianity: Can they coexist?
So, here I am scrolling through TikTok, looking at all of this femininity and hypergamy content, like I always do, thinking to myself “I really miss this. I miss dating older and wealthier men and the lifestyle that came with it.”
The thing is, I was in a relationship with someone that was of a higher financial class than me. I loved it and what it brought but at some point during the relationship I began to want to strengthen my relationship with God and that led to me wanting to practice abstinence. So it was a bit difficult telling my boyfriend that I no longer wanted to be intimate with him in that way as a result of my new journey in my faith and of course, this ended with us breaking up.
It’s one thing to start a relationship with sex already off the table. It’s another thing all together to just randomly remove it from a relationship where it was already so present. But at the point of my life that I was at, I knew it was a decision I needed to make if I wanted to strengthen my relationship with God.
He was my first boyfriend and I haven’t dated anyone seriously since all out of fear that I won’t be able to find a man in this day and age that is completely okay with sex being off the table. (I now recognize that this is simply a limiting belief. I can have whatever I want, including a man that will respect my decision to practice abstinence until marriage. It may be difficult but not impossible.) And this is not to say that I haven’t had some less than admirable slip ups along the way as well. Growth isn’t linear.
I had convinced myself that I couldn’t have or want nice things and experiences and follow God at the same time because I didn’t want to have one foot in the world and one foot walking with God. But I’m beginning to think I grossly overthought the correlation between these two things. There is nothing wrong or immoral about wanting to have nice experiences or receiving nice things from men that are willing to give it. The problem comes in when the desire for these niceties grow stronger and more prevalent than your desire to grow in God, as well as how you go about getting to these experiences.
I don’t want to manipulate men or have to feel obligated to sleep with someone because they take care of me financially. (By the way, you are NEVER obligated to sleep with ANYONE because they may provide for you. Because of my faith, I’ve come to believe that sex was designed to be sacred, not transactional. But I am not bashing anyone that chooses to live this way. In fact, there was a time I admired and glorified it. To each their own. I love the girlies.) This led me to the question, “well, what do you want?”
Here’s my answer, as delusional and unrealistic as it may sound.
I want a man that is kind, loving, caring and yes, generous. I want him to be a man after God’s heart and to encourage the same from me. I still want him to be financially able to take care of me but not so that I can do nothing and live solely off of him, but so that I can go all in with passions and pursuits and entrepreneurial exploits. I have so much to offer! I am intelligent, hard woking, an absolute pleasure to be around and ambitious to a fault, and I want a man that will compliment these traits about me. I want a man that is respectful of my decisions, not because he has to be but because he sees the value in a woman that stands firm on her beliefs but can still offer love and intimacy in other ways.
I still want to be spoiled, but I genuinely don’t care so much for designer items. (Although some really are just too beautiful to not care about) I want to be spoiled with nice vacations and dates because it’s something that we can both enjoy. I want it to be just as fulfilling and grand for him that it is for me and I want my man to provide these things for me because he thinks the love I give him is a love worthy of having the world given to me on a silver platter. I want to be gifted with practical and beautiful things not because of the price tag or the status it brings but because it’s something I would genuinely find beautiful and would love and appreciate. A man of opulence and romance to sooth my hopelessly romantic heart.
I want a man that will invest in me and my potential, a man that will be a mentor to me and help me to navigate the world of business and entrepreneurship so that I wouldn’t have to rely on anyone to ensure that I can stay afloat. I want a man that will make sure that the only things that I have to complain about are things that I’ve chosen to put myself through; a headache from learning too much Italian that day, minor stress from needing to wrap up some important paperwork with my business.
I want black girl luxury but I want it with God as the foundation and the center of it all. Not as a status symbol but as a byproduct of living a life full of high standards and expectations and pure heartedness. I don’t want to settle from a place of desperation but operate from a place of abundance because I am already so abundant in God. It may not look the same to the world but I don’t want to chase the world’s approval and idea of abundance.
I want us to be a power house together that does good in our community and I just know that the right man will see all of the value I bring to a relationship and will want to compliment it, not overshadow it.
I serve a BIG God. Why can’t I have all of this? My God has no limits and so that must mean that this dream man is out there somewhere. And I want him.
Now, where do I find him? Lol.
