all of the pageantry, all of the guilt

if i was in jurassic park i'd be fine because the dinosaurs would love me and therefore not eat me

im about to catsit next month for a (lovingly) crazy woman who is so deeply obsessed with her cat's care its touching truly. he needs insulin shots and she is telling me that shes going to send voice notes to my phone of her saying "copo! baby! its time for your insulin!" "come here handsome!" "its insulin time sweetie!" so that he feels safe getting his insulin from a stranger. im like girl i love it. i love this

she was telling me yesterday "sometimes i look at him and he looks at me and i feel like we can hear each other's thoughts. is that crazy" and i was like "no of course not"

Our age of strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is collapsing

touches U in a very weird but non sexual way

just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

ok computer show me men in pain

Hey, don't cry. 500 individual humpback whales in the waters around New York City, okay?

It's always fun when an author claims their work contains no politics, because either they're blatantly lying, or they genuinely think they're telling the truth and you get a lot of insight into what assertions about human nature they regard as so obviously and self-evidently true as to lie outside the political sphere.

i know this is tumblr and we’re all playing perverts but i just think some of you would be excellent company for a late night walk and a four hour conversation about absolutely nothing

US dates approaching. Something sinister in the air. They’re gonna start swapping the clerk out for band members in the stabbing

Can I say something

The word Ottawa looks like a caterpillar