Fan fic

Exo on buying you flowers for an anniversary.

Suho – Puts thought and effort into his flower buying, buying the best, biggest and most lovely romantic red roses he can find.  It’s not about the money, it’s about being romantic, and what's more romantic than a big bunch of extremely over the top red roses?

‘I just wanted to show you I love you on your anniversary.’

Xiumin – Thinks flowers are a waste of money, buys you food instead.  

‘Happy anniversary baby let’s eat!’

Lay – Sexy motherfucker he is.  Holds a single rose between his teeth, trying to be super sexy.

*Winks* - *Then spits out the rose as it’s not dethorned and it hurts him*

‘Love you.’

Chen – Doesn’t buy flowers.  Goes into a garden and hand picks a bunch of pretty flowers himself and ties them together in a very pretty way.  

‘I chose each individual flower for you, but none of them are as pretty as you.’

Kai – Forgets it’s your anniversary.  Forgets about buying you flowers.

‘Oh shit, it’s our anniversary?  Today? I was going to you flowers.  I totally forgot.  I’m so sorry’

D.O. – Buys you flowers, based on what flowers he knows you like, whether it be roses, lilies, peonies, whatever, he knows which your favourite, and what colours that you like.

‘Happy anniversary my love.’ *soft eyes*

Sehun – Deadpan stares at you.

‘Why didn’t you buy me flowers?’

Chanyeol – Buys you flowers, great flowers, that he is so excited to give you, he drops them, tramples on them, curses at himself, scoops up the fragments of petals and stems and hands them to you.

‘I’m sorry, I dropped them, but I love you.’

Baekhyun – Ever the joker. Tells you to come close to him with his hands behind his back to give you the flowers.

‘Come here baby . . . . . ‘

Pulls out a plastic flower that is filled with water and squirts it in your face.

Warnings: Smut, fluff, mostly smut, oppa kink, dominance, one shot, whatever. This is the first time I’ve done this please be kind

‘What are you doing?’ Her voice was barely a whisper as it escaped her lungs.  He was far too close, invading her space.  Pressed up against the cold hard brick wall. His eyes lingered down on her devilishly.

‘What do you think I’m doing?’ He whispered, his voice dripping in lust.  He rested his head against his arm that was leaning across her, his palm flat against the brick behind her.  He moved a fraction forward, his hips leading his dance into her.  His breath was close enough to taste.

‘You’ve wanted this for a long-time hmm?’ he asked, his voice was laced with humour as he used his free arm to trail his fingertips down her sides.

‘Baekhyun –‘she began to protest though why, she didn’t know.  She did want him.  Now more than ever.

‘You are so beautiful.’ He uttered dangerously again, his lovely fingers found the bare skin of her shoulders as he gently dragged them upwards, tickling her neck.  She was frozen under his intense gaze.  He was so sexy, his voice made her wet, weak, she looked briefly down to his lips, puckered, teasing her.

‘How I want you.’ He began in a moan, teasing her skin again, leaning in further, his eyes never left hers though, he was so controlled, every movement he made deliberate, he knew exactly what he was doing.  

‘I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you,’ his whisper continued to enchant her. ‘So, so pretty, so sweet.  You have no idea of the things I’ve imagined I can do to you.’ A hint of a smirk irked around his lips.  She couldn’t focus, everything was blurry, air stood still.  She wanted him to kiss her so badly.

‘You- you,’ she began to mumble, when he took her by surprise, he pushed his lips onto hers, his whole body following.  She could feel the hardness of him around her, his hands cupping her face, so she could not move. He tasted sweet in her mouth as he played with her there, kissing her hard, tracing his tongue around her lips, she flicked back with her own, trying to capture him, but he wouldn’t give in.  Not yet.  He wanted her to be more of a mess for him yet.

Pulling his head back, breaking the contact of their lips, he looked deeply into her eyes.  His body was still pressed up against her, suffocating almost.  He knew the things his body smashed against her would do, he knew she could feel how hard he was, but playing with her was just too much fun to give in too soon.

‘You wanted that baby? You wanted my lips on yours?’ He cooed, his soft voice was treacherous as it filled her ears.

‘Uh-huh,’ she could only moan back at him, she was starting to melt, as he had planned.

‘Do you want this?’ he continued relentlessly, pushing her head back and flicking his tongue down her neck.  Her body spasmed uncontrollably under his grip.  He knew where she liked it now.  She whimpered as he continued his attack on her neck.

‘You’re-so-sweet,’ he growled into her, his verbal assault never ceasing either.  ‘Do you know what you do to me?’

She sighed with overwhelming desire and grabbed at his shoulders to steady herself.  He was quicker, as she moved, before she could even touch him, he had her wrist in his grip, pinning her backwards.  He did the same with his other hand, grabbing her left wrist, pushing them both up above her head.  She was solely at his mercy.  With his expert fingers, he took both of her wrists in one, using his free hand to stroke down her face.  His eyes were alive with delight, the devil had possessed him, and she was going to be his one way or another.

Her breath caught in her throat as he moved down her body, pressing his face against hers, whispering relentlessly in her ear as he pawed at her breasts.  

‘You will be mine tonight, I’m going to touch you and take you in ways you’ve never dreamt of,’ he told her, his fingers hooked under her shirt, lightly touching her exposed skin. She gasped each time he touched her, as he kissed and licked his way down her cheeks.

‘How do you want me to take you baby?  Hmm?’ he whispered, his fingers hovering at the top of her jeans, just under her belly button, was he going to go down and touch her?  She wanted him too, she ached to feel his fingers insider her.

‘Please Baekhyun,’ She begged with a slight thrust of her hips into him.

‘Oh, baby girl, Oppa, remember?’ He bit at her neck as he reminded her of what she was to call him.

‘But you’re not my –‘ she began to protest.

‘Tonight, I am,’ he growled, flicking at her collar bone, right in the spot that made her tingle incessantly.

‘Oppa, Oppa please,’ she begged him obediently, the world spun every time he licked her there.

‘Good girl,’ he whispered, his lips back against her ears.  She wanted him so badly, she wanted to take him, feel him, but he was not giving in.

‘You’ll do as I say baby?’ he asked, his voice was a soft murmur, but it was laced with a threat.  

‘Yes,’ she breathed.

‘Yes what?’ He commanded, biting down on her ear lobe.

‘Yes Oppa.’ She obeyed.

‘Oh baby,’ he groaned handsomely into her ear, even his groans, made her wet.  ‘How should I have you?  Slow, long, and hard?  Would you like that? If I made sure you absolutely felt everything I was doing to you, slowly?’ he was doing his dance again, his tongue trailed her jaw bone, alternating with kisses on her cheeks, getting closer and closer to her mouth.

‘Ahhh,’ she offered unable to think straight with his oppressive kissing.  

‘Or do you want me to fuck you hard? And fast?  Make a point of showing you what I can do to you?’ He snarled with more anger, finally, finally, forcing his tongue into her mouth, and allowing her access.

She melted into his mouth, everything he was doing drove her crazy, from the sweetness, to the filth, he was never the same twice, and she would never know what to expect.

He continued his ravaging of her mouth with his, kissing her lips hard, biting, using his tongue on hers, and then pulling back, placing almost delicately light kisses around her soft pout when he vacated.  

‘What do you want baby girl? Do you want me to choose?  Should Oppa tell you?’ He teased, she could feel the grin on his lips as he kissed her.

‘I want you.’ She managed breathlessly, and he pulled away sharply.  The loss of his touch was unbearable.

‘You want me what?’ he asked, his eyes danced, dangerous and blown wide open with want.  

‘I want you, Oppa.’ She mewled, a pout forming on her lips.

His free hand cupped her face again, the pad of his thumb finding the corner of her mouth, he kissed her again, his tongue dancing, then he pulled out just as quickly, placing his finger tips to her lips.  

Looking her dead in the eye, he padded at her lips.  She knew what he wanted her to do, puckering her lips, she kissed his fingertips as he took each one away slowly, leaving only one finger lingering.  He smirked, the smirk of pure evil on his face, as he watched her intently, pushing her with his hands, he put his perfect finger in her mouth, which she took willingly.  Her tongue encircled it, as she sucked hard.  

‘Hmmmm,’ he sighed, satisfied with her.  The sound made her want him more.  ‘Good girl.’ He pulled his fingers back, and easily made his way down her body with them. He never broke the eye contact, and the satisfied smirk on his face was killing her.  

He dropped her arms from above her head, and let his fingers play idly with the waist band of her jeans. Stepping back a fraction to watch what he was doing, she moaned, desperate for him to touch her.  When his fingers had thoroughly touched all her skin around the band, he flicked the button open with his thumb, causing her to gasp a little with surprise.  He looked up at her with that arrogant smile on his lips.  He pulled the zipper down agonisingly slowly, feeling millimetre by millimetre how the tight fabric loosened around her.

Without warning, he grabbed at her shirt, pulling it from the middle outwards, ripping off every button and exposing her almost naked torso to him.  She couldn’t hide the tiny scream that fled her, she was not ready for him to do that.

His grin was getting bigger, along with the bulge in his pants.  She mildly wondered how he had the self-control when he was obviously so turned on to keep himself in check.  His eyes glinted as he took a step back, leering over his prize.  

‘You are beautiful baby.’ He whispered, not hiding his delight as her state of undress.  It was leering, edging on creepy, yet his words, his tone, made it seem loving somehow.

A small giggle escaped him, and before she knew it the air had been stolen from her again as he threw himself on top of her again, his lips hard and soft at the same time, puncturing hers, his hands roaming freely over her exposed skin.  He growled into her as his lips and tongue washed down her jawline into her neck.  She was mewling for him, flush against the wall, but pressing herself into him as much as she could.  His sighs and his grunts spurring her on more.  He ripped at the ruined clothing, with a deep sigh, pulling the shirt from her arms, expertly unhooking the bra, and dragging it from her.  The cold air and the rush of adrenaline flooded her, as her nipples hardened under him.

‘You wanted to show me this before?  Didn’t you?’ He growled at her, his fingers couldn’t get enough of her soft skin. Grabbing at her roughly, then sweeping over slowly, pinching her and teasing her.

‘You thought I never noticed this body before baby?’ He was whispering again, his whispers where dangerous.

His lips were at the length of her neck, nipping at her, his nose in her ear as he spoke.  ‘Did you want me to notice you?  All those times you were in those tight dresses, looking sexy as hell, you knew what you were doing to me didn’t you?  All those times when we would hang out together in the apartment, you think I didn’t notice how you went braless, how your shirts were see through.  You wanted me to look at you baby?  You wanted me to crave you?  Did you intend to tease me with your body?  Is that what you needed?’  His words tumbled out, still in whispers, but too fast, she knew he was losing it.

‘Yes Oppa, that’s what I wanted,’ she exhaled, evoking a long deep groan from him as he bit down on her.

‘Naughty’ he growled as he picked her up around her waist, her legs automatically wrapping around him. ‘Girl,’ he finished flicking his tongue over her bare nipple.  She squealed as he nipped at her chest, twisting around with her, he flung her down onto the waiting bed.

She didn’t even have a second for her brain to catch up with reality before he had pounced on top of her, pinning her down, attacking her skin again with his lips.

‘Mmmm,’ he voiced, taking back control of himself as he pushed himself backwards off her.  She lay beneath him. Naked from the waist up, entranced as his eyes dragged themselves over her.  

‘What am I going to do with you princess? Hmm?’ His voice was low, but light.  He leaned forward, hooking his fingers into the jeans and pulled them off her, leaving her more than ever aching for him to touch her in her lace panties.

She propped herself up on her elbows, locked into his eyes, a conceited smile forming on the corners of his mouth.  She knew this would not be good for her.  

He reached around, and in one swipe, pulled his own shirt over his head exposing his huge shoulders, and too good to be real abs.  He left his jeans on, for now, choosing to torture her more for his own enjoyment first.

He crawled on top of her again, his weight, forcing her backwards more so she was flush with the bed. His eyes never left hers as she felt the heat from his hard chest mesh with her own exposed skin.  The feeling of his skin on hers scorching her.

He kept staring into her eyes, never attempting to touch her as he flattened himself down on her.

‘So, perfect,’ he whispered again, ‘so pure,’ he placed a delicate kiss on her lips this time.  It was agonising. She wanted more of him, her hips bucked under him into his.  ‘I have wanted you like this for a long time, I want to taste all of you,’ he breathed, his mouth was millimetres from her skin, the feeling of his breath and barely-there lips sent shivers all over her.  

‘Oppa, please.’ She begged uselessly from under him.  

He grunted in her ear, the use of the word ‘Oppa’ for him never failed to have the desired effect on the kinky bastard.  He grabbed her hands again, placing them above her head and locking her in place with his own.  The smile on his lips was pure sinful delight.  She had never seen him this way, so fuelled with unquenchable thirsty lust.  He didn’t speak as he continued his torment, lightly dragging his lips over her cheeks, down her jaw, occasionally the slightest hint of a moan would escape him, blowing more hot air onto her skin, causing more tingling for her core.  

‘Please Oppa, please, please,’ she pleaded for a release.  He knew what he was doing, he knew exactly how painful this would be. He snorted lightly at her futile requests, until she was continually thrusting herself up into him, trying urgently for any kind of friction to help her build up of frustration.

‘Please,’ She wailed again, her voice cracking, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.  

‘Oh princess, don’t cry for me baby.’ He cooed, loving the dramatics of it all, kissing away the fallen tear.  ‘Tell me what you want me to do.’ He whispered like Satan himself.

‘Please,’ she croaked again, unable to form words in her mind. She was too dizzy from all the senses she was feeling, his heat and body on her, yet no friction, the fire was there but he refused to spark her.  

‘Please what baby?’ His low voice was very even, very controlled, but not hiding his enjoyment at her coming undone before he had even touched her.  

‘Please Oppa, touch me,’ she tried, managing to finally get something out other than a plead.  

At the same time, he pushed his face into her neck, his tongue flicked about wrathfully as he growled like an animal mauling her skin, his expertly long fingers pushed aside her panties and roughly found their way inside her.  She screamed, her body arching with the rush of what he did and how quickly he did it.  

‘You’re so wet for me baby.’ He growled single-mindedly into her ear as he kissed and bit at her, his fingers twisting and thrusting into her at an uncompromising pace. ‘You open up so easily for me, my princess.’

‘Oh god,’ she moaned with every flick of his fingers inside her, with every thrust of his wrist, she was so close.

‘Hmmm,’ he rumbled in her ear, ‘You like that princess?  You want to come for Oppa?’ He tormented, his breathing and sighs taking her to the edge of reason.

‘Yes Oppa, yes,’ she moaned in pure ecstasy.

He pulled his fingers out from her, right when she was about to tip.  The loss of his lips felt like the worst kind of pain.  The withdrawal of his fingers even worse.

‘Not yet baby,’ he whispered, his eyes locked into hers again.

‘But … but …’ she cried out, it was incredibly frustrating being brought right to the edge and denied release.  She felt like crying.  

‘I said not yet baby,’ He murmured biting hard on her lower lip.  She felt like fighting him, she felt so absolutely starved of release she turned her head away from his.

‘Oh, you’re mad with me princess?’ He cooed, his voice full of tangible glee.  She refused to look at him, she was spent with desire, so close, and he had denied her.  She couldn’t control it when the tears ran hot down her cheeks.

‘Don’t cry baby, don’t cry,’ he whispered again, the pad of his thumb brushing her face where the tears had fallen.  He kissed gently, sweetly down her cheeks, caressing her softly, lovingly.  She could feel the grin he was wearing, making her angry.

She struggled under him, ready to tell him to stop, when he pulled himself off her swiftly, as he did, he ripped the pathetic excuse for panties off her in one strong motion, destroying them completely.  She was now fully exposed to him.  She blinked back the tears as she stared, dumbfounded at him, his dark eyes lingered on hers for only a second, allowing her to adjust to the freedom the lack of material gave her, before hooking his arms under her legs, throwing them backwards over her head and diving his tongue straight into her folds.

‘Oh god, oh god,’ She screamed out.  He was insatiable as he lapped at her, dipping his tongue in to fuck her holes, bring it back to flick and nibble at her clit.  She was bucking and writhing under him, every flick of his tongue met with a thrust of her hips.  

‘Please don’t stop,’ she wailed at him.  He growled into her core, sending shock waves through her body, she screamed more, and his pace increased.  She could feel the heat building up, she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer at all. Bucking uncontrollably, he moaned into her one last time, and she came undone, her body spasming out of control. With his arms, he kept her legs pinned down.  They wanted to close automatically around his head, but he refused to let them, forcing them open wide, the wave of pleasure she had been craving crashing over her in waves, but his tongue refused to stop.  She screamed, screamed and pleaded for him to stop, for him to give her a break, it was past the point of pleasure now.  

He merely giggled as he kept going, within seconds she was seeing stars again, the world crashing around her as she came again, harder, wetter, she could feel her wetness seeping down her legs now.

‘STOP, PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP, I CAN’T TAKE IT, STOP,’ She wailed, animalistic noises escaping her. She couldn’t take anymore.  She had never come so hard and doubt she would ever again.  

Eventually he stopped, withdrawing his tongue from her core that was on fire.  She was still twitching, still moaning, still seeing black.

He resisted his grip, pulling himself out, and softly stroked her legs as they came together.  He leaned down, planting soft kitten kisses up her thighs, up her abdomen, chest, eventually finding her neck.  He was ever so gentle with every touch, as if she were a flower that would break.  His arms encircled her as her body still randomly twitched and convulsed with aftershocks.  Her eyes were closed, electricity running through her body, panting heavily.

‘I love you.’ He whispered, his lips close to her ears, as he held her close, and stroked her hair.

Her eyes opened, immediately finding his, softer now, filled with love, not the dirty lust from before.

‘I love you too.’ She told him, knowing immediately it was true.

He smiled, a sincere, heart wrenching soft smile as he bent his head to place a lingering soft kiss on her lips.

I am in hell.  

Hell is not a place you are in alone, it’s not hot with fires around you are burning you to the ground. It’s in your mind, it’s a feeling, an emotion, that you know you don’t want, you know is irrational, but it’s there, chipping away second by second, and you barely keep it together, its just there, always under the surface.  

When you give everything to someone, and they treat you like nothing, what are you supposed to do with that? Smile and just be ok?  Just get over it?  

A year is not a small amount of time, seven years, eight years is an era in some minds.  I lived an era, giving everything, I had to give.

Love is not something you can count, it’s not this this and that.  How much love one person has to give is unmeasurable.  

I gave an unmeasurable amount.  An amount that I never got back.  

I gave it willingly, constantly, without question.  In my mind there is no question love was reciprocated, but to what extent?  The same extent as to which is was given?  I don’t think so.  Is that what is killing me?  No. No, it’s what’s happened now that’s killing me.  

It’s not the loss of love. That’s painful, but it’s not that. It’s not the loss of love of several people, the family, I still have that, though I’m not there to receive it.

The pain I feel is like the love I feel, it is not something to be measured.  It cannot be counted.  It comes in tidal waves, each time drowning me, rendering me unable to breathe, all consumed by the pain of it.  Sometimes it will come, and I can barely keep it hidden.  I don’t want to drown in it, I don’t want to be consumed by it.  I want to live, I want to breathe, I want to keep loving.  

I am surrounded by love. By people who love me and who I love. I am not missing love.  Yet the pain makes me feel lost.  Lost in a sea of love.  

A divorce is a horrible experience.  It’s lonely, bitter, sad.  I did not want this life, I did not marry for it to end this way.  But a divorce not only from the partner you willingly gave every ounce of love you had but from a family you also took into your heart as your own, from a country you grew to love as your home, from a life you made for yourself alone, thousands of miles from the comfort of anything you knew. It’s a huge amount of pain.

No one, unless they have lived an era in another world, a world so far from their own, and then been, for a better word, forced to leave behind, will never understand.  Who am I now?

A divorce makes you question who you are anyway, who am I without this person?  Who will love me now?  But to have to give up everything else that became a part of you too.  You will never understand that pain.  

If you fall out of love with someone it is hard.  If they cheat on you, break your heart, leave you it is hard.  

But to leave someone you still love very much, to leave a home you love very much and a family you never wanted to give up is harder.  All in the name of trying to fix it.  Trying to do the right thing.  I didn’t want it to implode.  I didn’t want to hate you.  I didn’t want to fight anymore.  I didn’t want the arguments, the resentment.  All I wanted was to love.  Be loved.  Turn that love for one another into a family, with someone I could trust.  Someone who was my chosen partner for my life.  

It breaks me that you’re broken.  It breaks me in ways you cannot understand that I cannot, could not help you.  That you hate me for not being superhuman.  I tried my best.  I stayed, I stayed and I looked after you, I helped you and I made excuses for you.  But I was not helping you by continuing to do that for you.  By doing it for you, continuing your excuses was not to love you.

It is not that you broke my trust, you broke me, for everyone else to see used me.  It is not that you were selfish and childish.  

What is strangling me is that my belief is broken.  I always believed in love above all.  My faith in you is damaged.  My faith in love is gone.  

I always had that faith, and now, I have nothing.