♥hope♥

we met around then and we were basically inseparable until the time i was about 14/15

we met on deviantart by complete random chance and i can still find our first ever conversation and i remember we had so many good times and we got along so well and everything was ok because we always had each other's backs no matter how much shit got thrown at us

a lot of times we weren't able to talk for certain lengths of time and i always missed her so so much because i honestly really only looked forward to talking to her every day. seeing her icon in my messages was honestly the best part of my entire existence

but things came and went and we had less and less opportunities to talk because she didn't have a dA anymore and i mostly used tumblr and we never logged into aim any more

but any time i did see her i was so so so happy i loved hearing about her and everyone around her so much

but times sort of changed i guess

even now our interests are so different and we have almost nothing in common and any conversations we used to try and keep up always felt stiff and forced

i hadn't outgrown her, i'd just grown a different way?? we'd sort of just taken different paths.

and i knew that, but i couldnt bear the thought of ever saying something like "hey i dont think we should be friends any more because its just a lot of stress on both of us if its not going to work"

and my life changed so much and im so tired now and especially with the things ive got its hard to keep up and i hardly blog at all anymore let alone check to see if there's any messages left in my box and i just kind of dropped off

and i still feel horrible about that because i mean what sort of shitty friend am i to let it get to the point where she literally gave up on me

i miss her some times but i know there's no point in trying to make it better again, itll only get more forced and fake and i dont want her to go through that i want her to be free of me and my negativity now

sometimes i see her post about it and it makes me sad to know shes still upset about it but an apology wouldnt even scratch the surface

i wonder if this will happen with everyone i love

idk if she even still follows me but if she does and she sees this i hope she knows im sorry for everything i put her through and im sorry for being such a drag and im sorry for hurting not only her but everyone else that was ever involved

i hope they're happy now