あたし ⎯⎯ Libra — October 20th is my date, INTP-T. A person with a chaotic life who finds some comfort in escaping reality through writing. I suffer from an overactive imagination, but I don’t always know how to put my ideas into words. She/her. A lover of psychology, rational to the point of emotional detachment. A K-pop fan since 2017, formerly a multi-stan; "ENHA FAN" since 2020; currently I only stan EVAN, and ENHYPEN.
Spanish is my first language, and I have an intermediate level of English, so I think it’s normal if you sometimes notice grammatical mistakes in my writing. I also love editing. I’m obsessed with aesthetics (that's why I change the look of my blog so often).
𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗚 𝗧𝗢𝗣𝗜𝗖 ⎯⎯ At this point I shouldn’t have to clarify it, but I’ll say it once again. MY BLOG IS DEDICATED ONLY TO HEESEUNG, that’s how I started, and that’s how I plan to continue. It’s simply a matter of comfort and personal preference.
𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦 ⎯⎯ I do accept requests but, THEY’RE CURRENTLY CLOSED, I don’t follow a specific order when working on them, it’s honestly random, and some take longer than others. And yes, I only write and accept requests about Heeseung (no exceptions).
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Look… let’s handle this the way I should’ve from the start, instead of reacting on pure impulse. First of all, my reaction happened because the topic felt way too sudden and completely out of place. I mean… the subject of suicide among idols is so delicate that even I prefer not to touch it.
We were literally talking about the problems in the fandom, how Heeseung has shown clear physical improvement since leaving the group, spreading good vibes, saying we need to support him and respect him — and ENHA too, and honestly any group. So with even more reason I ask: why the hell are we suddenly bringing up such a heavy topic?
My reaction pissed you off? Fine, I get it. But you need to understand something too — there’s no reason to shove Heeseung into a conversation about suicide. Or what, deep down do you actually want to see that happen to him? Does it bother you that much to see him doing well that your only move is to drag that topic into it?
It wasn’t insensitivity. It was shock. Because linking that subject with Hee felt completely fucking out of line. Seriously, what is this constant need of yours to always jump to the worst possible scenarios? Like that anon said — what happened with Jonghyun, with Sulli. I lived through that too. And in 2019 I also witnessed the massive hate train that hit V from BTS. I saw people viciously pushing for Taehyung to reach that point. I even read comments more than once saying, “If it works on Taehyung, next we go for Yoongi.”
And let’s be real — those so-called “fans” are the same ones making idols’ lives hell with their constant demands, their discomfort with everything they do or don’t do. The problems idols face come from the agencies, from entitled fans, from antis, from sasaengs. All of them.
So don’t come at me saying I don’t understand what this topic means. I’m repeating myself: it wasn’t insensitivity, it was pure dismay. What the fuck does suicide have to do with Heeseung? Believe me, the last thing I need is to spiral into depression imagining Heeseung going through the same thing. Because I love Lee Heeseung way too much.
We’re waiting for Heeseung’s comeback, for fuck’s sake. Have some goddamn common sense for once in your lives. And if anything happens to Heeseung — if he gets hit with more hate and it pushes him to that extreme — believe me, I will curse every single one of you who even entertained that possibility. May that negative energy come back to you threefold. Because if something happens to Heeseung (God forbid), I already know exactly who I’m going to blame.
And trust me, I’m not new to this. I’m telling you again. As someone who at 21 years old has already been in that dark place, who has attempted to end her own life multiple times in her youth, I can tell you that the last thing I want is for the person I love so much — the one who motivates me — to go through that. So it’s real easy to attack others when you have no fucking idea what they’ve lived through personally, isn’t it?
One more thing… I’m not an idol. I’m not Heeseung, and I’m not ENHA. I don’t give a shit if you want to come after me. That’s exactly why I’m telling you: go fuck yourselves. Find something productive to do with your miserable lives instead of harassing other people just because you have nothing better going on. Know your goddamn place in this world, in the idols’ lives, and in everyone else’s. And grow the fuck up already.
it's so evident in his physical appearance too. he was so thin during the knife comeback and everyone was expressing their concern for him and the low energy he showed. honestly, group activities are extremely, extremely demanding. he's picked up a bit more weight now and one can visibly see how much more rested and healthy he is, how much more life he has! i'm honestly so happy he chose to leave before things got worse or before he ended up in hospital again. he deserves this and deserves to go about his career in whichever way he likes! i wish him all the best. thank you for being one of the few sane voices on here in this time!
— 💌 anon
Ngl, it’s way too obvious—you don’t even need to think about it that much to realize Heeseung is genuinely enjoying his process, and like you said, his health has clearly improved too. He literally shines! I WATCHED HIS LIVE AND HE LOOKED SO CUTE, ADORABLE, AND JUST SO KISSABLE! AHHHHH I LOVE HIM! 😭💗 He’s so precious, I honestly feel so happy and proud of Hee. I just hope the best for him because he truly deserves it. He’s exceptional, and he’s brought us so much good since this whole journey officially started. Please, let’s love and support Heeseung! 👏🏻💕
And about the other thing… I think I’m just trying to stay sane through all of this. I kinda let certain things slide so I wouldn’t focus on the negative and could stay on the positive side, but honestly it got to a point where I just needed to vent. Still, I really appreciate the people who’ve tried to look at the situation more realistically and coherently, and who haven’t turned their backs on ENHA or Hee—or who at least made their own decisions without turning everything into drama.
But anyway, you know how it is… RIDE OR DIE ON JUNE 22! ____ LET’S GAURRR! (I’ll change that line once Hee finally picks our fandom name 😅🤭)
Sorry I’ve been a lot busy rn idk y just jobless instead of studying uk?
I’m so lazy
And I just came here to shower you with love 🥰
I love you so so so so so much, forever and ever😘
Best writer.❤️🔥
I missed you🫂
Hope you are taking care of your health, enjoying your life and be happy♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I will be you ‘ride or die’ till the end(I’m so excited for ride or die!!! dada’s giving us smtg so so tasty soon ahhhhhh his concept photo the second one mainly omg gangster hee I love him and you too hahaha)
Yours lovingly
-🤞🏻anon
TMI 😅 Thanks, I always make sure to say thank you when I’m given love like this. It feels really nice 🤭❤️🩹 sending lots of love back to you, babe! Have a great weekend.
And about the other thing… LET’S GAURRR! We’ve gotta support Evan at all times, seriously, our Hee needs us more than ever right now. 👏🏻💕
(Though I’m lowkey boiling inside because I saw people on TikTok planning to boycott his debut 😤)
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but u don’t actually know what happened either??? just stop talking please u sound just like every other delusional bitch making up your own conclusions to enha/heeseung’s story. this is NOT your fic to write about. u should get that in your head too.
Please, take your projections elsewhere. My stance comes from someone who actually understands the boundaries of being a fan, fully aware that we have zero insight or control over ENHA or Heeseung beyond what's on screen. I don’t need to manufacture a pathetic narrative to see what’s blindingly obvious, and literally echoed by ENHA and Heeseung themselves.
If you're lacking in comprehension, reasoning, and basic common sense, that’s your issue to fix, not mine. Next time, try dropping the shield of anonymity before voicing your thoughts. Trust me, your message exposes your own flaws far more than it affects me.
The more I see Heeseung talk about things relating to his solo, the more I'm convinced he never wanted to be in a group at all. Now, hear me out: This doesn't mean I think he has any ill feelings towards any of the ENHYPEN members, I think he really adores them and I think out of ENHYPEN THAT is who he mourns, his friends. But I don't think he cares much about ENHYPEN as a whole, the concept, the music, etc...We all know how long Heeseung has been waiting for this, he keeps mentioning it himself how long he's waited and how bad he's wanted this. I think he's always wanted to be solo and the more he was in ENHYPEN his hunger for being solo grew. It's very clear he has no intentions to ever go back, and I wouldn't be shocked if he felt traumatized by his time in ENHYPEN & he just couldn't do it anymore. Either way, I'm really proud of him and I'm going to continue to be proud of him and support him. We will never know what truly happened behind the scenes and why everything was so sudden, but the fact everything WAS sudden, we can conclude it wasn't anything good. I wouldn't be shocked if he had a mental breakdown & the company in order to protect him & his mental well being let him leave for his own safety & health. Whatever it was, I pray for his happiness and the rest of the ENHYPEN members happiness. They deserve every ounce of support and respect.
This, this, and THIS! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK! 'Cause literally, this is the whole fucking point! I honestly don't get why it was so hard for people to see it from this perspective? I mean, the solution was always as simple as just respecting and supporting the boys and Hee, regardless of the change.
I agree on one thing, I also see Heeseung doing so well with it, u can really tell how much he wanted to make his own music and work in his own style. Honestly, I think it's admirable. And respecting him is the bare minimum we can do for him.
It's okay to not call yourself an engene anymore, and just a "ENHA fan". It's okay to feel fandom fatigue. I had it back in the 2016 times with BTS ARMY, they were sooo sooo toxic and it was exhausting being grouped in with such a fandom so I just called myself a "BTS Stan". I am an ARMY though, and love that group, but I can't support the fandom sometime. Plus, I still get isolated a lot from them because I like other groups aside BTS lmao but it's okay to just call yourself an "ENHYPEN fan" because you want no association with the fandom. I feel the same way. The fandom to me is just way too immature and I don't feel like they even care about ENHA as people and it makes me sick. Within time though, I hope the boys can set boundaries and create the fandom they deserve.
Lol, I went through the same thing, because I was ARMY before anything else, and I loved BTS so much. But… being part of the fandom eventually became so unbearable, like you said, and honestly I decided not to be an ARMY anymore. It’s kinda the same reason I’m deciding not to call myself Engene anymore, because even though there are exceptions, there are good people. The charm disappears when the bad ones take over. And honestly, some people just don’t enjoy things themselves and don’t let others enjoy them either.
Also, telling others that what they do or don’t do makes them more or less of a fan? That just annoys me. Everyone should really experience their fandom in a way that feels right to them, focusing less on judging others and more on supporting the artist. And I totally agree that I hope ENHA can have a better fandom, honestly, any K-pop group deserves better fans.
YESSSSSS SOMEONE FINALLY SAYS IT! Everyone’s acting like evan’s going to come back like bro stop being so delusional and let the man be. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Yeah, I’ve always been on the side that Heeseung should do whatever he wants, and I’ll be there to support him. Like you said, let the man be! Honestly, the chance of him going back to the group was never really on the table, and now it’s even less likely. And honestly, as time’s gone by, I’m actually glad he didn’t force himself back into the group just to please the fandom. 🤷🏻♀️
I just want to say that I've been a kpop fan for 14 years and I've never seen a kpop fandom as parasocial and cult like as Engenes (except that for that other fandom that we all know about) after March 10th. When this situation first happened I planned to still support the group and Heeseung/Evan. After seeing the disgusting behavior of this fandom for 3 months I no longer care about Enhypen at all. Every hate post I see about Heeseung makes me want to support him more and more. I want him to succeed as Evan to spite all of these childish parasocial weirdos.
This is where I can confidently say that ENHA is absolutely not to blame for the mess of a fandom they ended up with. And honestly, I never thought I'd come across a fandom more questionable and unbearable than that fandom, but ENGENEs definitely exceeded my expectations.
Especially because they're not even being logical about it. I mean, organizing mass efforts to sabotage your own artists' careers and income? Teaming up just to attack, insult, and hurt other people? I've said it before and I'll keep saying it with zero hesitation: that's genuinely stupid, and even worse, it just shows a shocking lack of common sense.
As for the hate toward Heeseung... well, some people have been holding onto that for a long time. They were just waiting for the perfect opportunity to let it all out. There are people who dislike Heeseung and ENHA for reasons that go far beyond this situation, and honestly, it shows.
But anyway, no point getting sidetracked. As Hee fans, our priorities shouldn't get blurred by all this. We need to stay focused on what actually matters, which is making sure he gets an amazing debut and a warm welcome as a soloist. And of course, respecting, loving, and supporting him while never forgetting that he's a human being just like the rest of us—not just a product to consume or a puppet people can control whenever it suits them.
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you're not wrong. tbh, I'm tired of engenes too. They're so annoying, I swear. the only reason I'm still in the fandom is because of en-, but every day it gets more frustrating to say I'm an engene. it's gotten to the point where it's actually embarrassing, because the sane fans end up being grouped together with people who are seriously out of line
Tbh... I feel like even ENHYPEN and Hee must feel so embarrassed and cringed out by the fandom they got, and all the dumb shit they’ve done and keep doing. 🙃 Personally, I don’t even call myself an ENGENE anymore, just an 'ENHA fan' and well, I'm just waiting for whatever fandom name Heeseung gives us.
Seriously... ENGENEs just can’t seem to stop ruining the vibe for EVAN’s debut. I’m so done with this never-ending story about how Heeseung is “definitely coming back to ENHYPEN” after he finishes his solo projects. At the same time, they’re out here trying to paint him as depressed, acting like his solo activities are sad because he misses the members and can’t do anything on his own.
Like… are we even following the same artist? What am I missing here?
At this point, it’s beyond exhausting. The media, the ENHYPEN members, the company, and Heeseung himself have all said it and shown it with their actions: HE IS NOT COMING BACK TO ENHYPEN. He’s fine with that, and the members have been working hard to move forward no matter what.
Just stop already. This isn’t nostalgia anymore. It’s not about missing Heeseung. It’s just selfish and miserable behavior, people who want to ruin everything for everyone else just because they’re unhappy. If they’re miserable, then ENHA and Heeseung have to be miserable too. Not shit.
Heeseung’s debut is happening on June 22, whether they like it or not. He worked day and night to achieve this dream, and all he’s asked is for people to support him and keep loving him. So to those still stuck and wallowing for no reason, change that mindset already. This was never about you or your feelings, and it never will be.
More than ever, Hee needs unconditional love and support right now, not some self-proclaimed saviors with a hero complex or narcissists who think the world should revolve around their own whims. The reality is unfolding right in front of us, and it’s not going to change just because some people are thinking, “Ugh, it hurts too much. I can’t accept seeing him solo instead of in the group.”
And yeah, I know this sounds completely lacking in empathy, but when these same people were given empathy before, they abused it. They caused chaos, split the fandom, nearly ruined ENHYPEN’s career, and even sent hate to Heeseung just for doing what he wanted instead of what the fandom demanded.
Believe me… that “miracle” you all have been waiting for is not going to happen. Just accept reality already, because keep repeating the same bullshit only makes you look stupid and ignorant.
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had to finish up a few duties on my blog and now i'm finally free to read your new releases! i'm super excited, because those tags look juicy!
as always, i hope you've had a good week thus far and that the rest of the week lying ahead will be kind to you. i hope that at the end of this week, you'll be able to look back and see just how much you got done! sending you loads of love and hugs!!! xoxo 🤍
— 💌 anon
I’ve missed u, baby ~ 💕 Thanks for making your star appearance of the week too. Your messages always make me happy to see. I hope you’re doing well. Sending u lots of kisses and hugs, plus the usual dose of love. Have a great week and I hope everything goes amazing for u, sweetheart. Luv u!
୨ৎ ֹ : I had to write this because it’s literally what I saw in my dream 🫠
You’re pinned against the cold wall of the hallway, barely inside the apartment door before Heeseung’s mouth crashes into yours. His tall frame towers over you, broad shoulders caging you in as one of his ridiculously big hands grips your jaw, tilting your face up to him. Those long, thick fingers dig into your skin with just enough pressure to make your pulse throb between your legs.
“Been thinking about these all day,” you whimper against his lips, your eyes already glassy as you stare at the hand currently wrapped around your throat. Heeseung chuckles darkly, low and filthy, his breath hot on your cheek.
“Yeah? My pretty girl’s such a slut for my hands.” His voice is velvet-rough, dripping with lust. The hand not around your neck slides down your body, shoving your skirt up to your waist in one rough motion. He doesn’t bother with panties, he hooks two thick fingers into the soaked fabric and yanks them aside, exposing your dripping cunt to the cool air.
You moan loudly as his fingers glide through your slick folds, spreading your wetness messily. Heeseung’s middle and ring fingers are so fucking thick, the calloused pads rubbing perfect circles over your swollen clit before he sinks them inside you without warning. The stretch is immediate and delicious, your walls fluttering greedily around the intrusion.
“Fuck, so wet already,” he growls, pumping his fingers deeper, curling them hard against that spongy spot inside you that makes your knees buckle. “Look at you, creaming on just two fingers. You love how big they are, don’t you baby?”
You nod frantically, eyes rolling back as he starts a brutal rhythm with long, deep strokes that drag along every sensitive inch of your pussy. The obscene wet squelching sounds fill the hallway with every thrust. His palm grinds against your clit while his fingers scissor and curl, stretching you open.
But Heeseung wants more. His other hand tightens around your throat, not choking, but firm enough to hold you in place. “Eyes on me,” he commands, voice low and dangerous. You force your gaze up to meet his dark, hungry eyes, pupils blown wide with lust. The eye contact makes everything more intense, your pussy clenches hard around his fingers as he fucks you faster.
He leans in, kissing you sloppily, tongue invading your mouth before he pulls back and spits directly onto your tongue. “Swallow,” he orders. You do, whimpering pathetically as his fingers never stop their assault. Another orgasm builds fast, coiling tight in your belly. Heeseung feels it, smirks, and doubles down, three fingers now, stretching you wider, his thumb pressing firm circles on your clit. “That’s it, now cum for me. Soak my fucking hand, baby.”
You shatter with a broken cry, walls pulsing violently around his thick fingers as your first orgasm rips through you. Hot squirt gushes out, splashing over his wrist and dripping down your thighs. Your legs shake, but he doesn’t stop. He keeps thrusting through it, drawing it out until you’re sobbing with overstimulation.
“Good girl,” he praises, licking a stripe up your cheek, tasting the sweat and tears there. “But I’m not done with you. Not even close.”
Hee drops his head to your chest, freeing his hand around your neck for a second, just to shoving your top down with. His mouth latches onto one nipple, sucking hard while his tongue flicks the sensitive bud. He bites down gently, then soothes it with slow licks as his fingers continue destroying your cunt; relentless, wet, filthy thrusts that make your next orgasm crash over you almost immediately. You squirt again, harder this time, the liquid spraying messily against his palm and soaking the floor. Your vision whites out, pleasure bordering on pain from the overstimulation, but Heeseung just growls against your tit and keeps going.
“Fuck, look at that mess. My needy little girl can’t stop cumming on my fingers.” His hand around your throat squeezes a little tighter this time, forcing your eyes back to his. “Again. Cum again for me.”
You shake your head weakly, overstimulated and drunk on the feeling of those long, thick fingers bullying your g-spot over and over. “T-too much! Heeseung…”
But he doesn’t relent. He keeps using three fingers, stretching you to the limit, curling them perfectly while his palm slaps wetly against your clit. His mouth moves to your other nipple, sucking and biting, leaving red marks on your soft tits as he licks and kisses every inch of skin he can reach.
Another orgasm tears through you, even stronger. You scream his name, squirting all over his hand and forearm, your juices running down your legs in rivulets. Your body convulses against the wall, but Heeseung holds you up with his body and that iron grip on your throat, eyes locked on yours the entire time.
He kisses you again, deep and messy, then spits on your tongue once more before licking a slow, possessive stripe from your jaw to your ear. “Such a good fucking girl. My perfect babygirl. We’re not stopping until you can’t even stand.”
His fingers never slow. Thick, long, relentless. Pumping. Curling. Making you gush and cry and beg while he praises you in that low, filthy voice and worships your body with his mouth. You’re completely pleasure-drunk, lost in the endless cycle of his hands, his mouth, and his dark, loving eyes that refuse to let you look away. And Heeseung? He’s only getting started.
