Heartland Texts From Last Night

"(479): It was just…long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes."

"Georgie: I tried to write 'I'm a functional adult' but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult' and I feel like that's more accurate."

"(406): Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation"

"Kim: I would say my coaching style is centered around the fundamentals. With an emphasis on the "fun"! Georgie: And a second emphasis on the "mental."

"(503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY."

"Reblog and write in the tags who are your top 3 comfort characters."

"(610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly."

"Caleb: say NO to work"

"(786): I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol."

"Jack: If only someone cared what you think. Caleb: People care what I think! Jack: No, they don’t. Caleb: Yes, sir."

"(+44): I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers"

"Mallory: How did you break your leg? Tim: Do you see those porch stairs? Mallory: Yes. Tim: I didn't."

"(419): Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly"

"Reblog and tag with your favorite Mary sue/Gary stu (affectionate)"

"(570): As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good"