DELETE MEMORY?

Oh,  what  a  question  Yuki  had  asked.  Did  he  truly  believe  that  Hayden  was  to  blame?  His  fingers  remained  twisted  in  the  fabric  of  Yuki’s  sleeve,  even  as  the  tension  between  them  screamed  and  threatened  to  snap.  His  jaw  was  now  clenched  so  tight  that  it  hurt.  He  could  feel  Yuki’s  pulse  against  his  skin  now  —  how  it  calmed,  sharpened  and  came  back  under  control.  Somehow,  that  made  everything  even  worse,  for  Yuki  was  now  calm  in  his  own  way  but  Minkyu  was  not.  Not  at  all.

Inside  him  raged  chaos.  Chaos  Yuki  had  stirred  up,  and  it  filled  him  with  so  many  emotions  that  he  could  only  show  one  —  anger,  while  the  question  echoed  in  his  skull.  Over  and  over  again.

Do  you  really  believe  that  Hayden  killed  Seo-jin? He  wanted  to  say  no,  god,  he  wanted  to  say  it  with  absolute  certainty  to  defend  his  friend  as  he  always  did,  which  was  as  naturally  as  breathing  and  like  his  love  for  them  had  become  ingrained  in  his  very  flesh  and  blood  long  before  he  had  even  realized  it  himself.  Everything  within  him  recoiled  at  the  imagery  that  Hayden  had  killed  his  brother. Yet  doubts  had  already  taken  root  inside  him.  Tiny,  but  venomous.  Growing  with  every  single  clue,  no  matter  how  small,  pointing  toward  them.   Given  by  Isen.  ❛  Do  you  think  I  want  to  believe  that?!  ❜  he  muttered  out  through  clenched  teeth  while  his  gaze  drifted  down  to  his  wrist,  where  Yuki’s  grip  was  firm.  Enough  to  remind  Min  just  what  kind  of  man  stood  before  him.  Then,  he  let  go.

❛  I...  I...  I  keep  telling  myself  there  has  to  be  another  explanation...  that  Hayden  wouldn't...  couldn't...  ❜  His  voice  faltered,  something  utterly  uncharacteristic  for  his  usually  so  composed  self.  He  tried  desperately  not  to  believe  it,  for  Hayden  was  warmth;  they  were  laughter  that  filled  empty  spaces.  Hayden  was  impetuous  compassion,  bloody  knuckles,  and  a  heart  far  too  soft  for  the  world  they  lived  in.  Min-kyu  had  loved  them  for  precisely  that. 

Still  did. 

And  yet…  it  made  his  stomach  turn.   ❛  I  don’t  know  why  they  would  have  done  it…I  really  don’t..but  everything…  every  clue,  every  lead,  every  piece  of  evidence  points  to  them.  It  is  simply  impossible  that  they  didn’t  do  it.  ❜

Despite their warmth and good heart, Hayden had taken lives before. There was a side to them that spoke of coldness, passion and anger simmering beneath the surface; almost like a second skin, that always carried with it a strange, familiar tint to their aura. Like winter sunlight it was; able to bring warmth and light to a soul that had endured a frigid snowstorm, lost and adrift finally offered a hearth and fire. And then… there was the biting wind, the clouds that darkened, and the sunlight pushed to the background in wake of what had to be done. For Hayden hadn’t kept their place as the Ghosts’ leader for no reason, their chilling reputation as a white fox that harvested apt on the surface. Hayden’s hands were not clean. They were protective, a force strong and unstoppable – and sometimes that blaze left behind casualties. Yuki knew this, of course. To gain a place under their protection was not something to be taken lightly.

Outsiders ought to be cautious.

“that version of me is gone.”

“this changes nothing.”

“i was counting on it.”

“watch me.”

“it wasn’t like this before.”

“i can’t pretend anymore.”

“it’s a promise.”

“say it again.”

“don’t do this.”

“you’re late.”

“this is your last chance.”

“i made my choice long ago.”

“it was over the moment you left.”

“i had to see it for myself.”

“i’ve made worse mistakes than this.”

“you changed.”

“tell me the truth.”

“you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“you owe me.”

“you followed the wrong path.”

“this isn’t over.”

“i warned you.”

“you’re hiding something.”

“you’ll regret this.”

“they recognized the weapon before they recognized the person holding it.”

“is this a threat?”

“some things can’t be fixed.”

“help me understand.”

“it ends however you decide.”

“you don’t understand.”

“you can’t stop this.”

“you came back.”

“it doesn’t have to end like this.”

“you’re making a mistake.”

“we never make it out clean.”

“maybe it was the only one.”

“you remember me, don’t you?”

“you lied to me.”

“you’re shaking.”

“silence would have been kinder.”

“you shouldn’t have followed me.”

“i trusted you.”

“say my name.”

“i’m not afraid.”

“you knew, didn’t you?”

“is this goodbye?”

“things change.”

“you don’t have to be alone.”

“i mean it this time.”

“that was your first mistake.”

“you’re not who i remember.”

“we don’t have much time.”

“was any of it real?”

“that’s not what you said before.”

“listen to me.”

“and yet, here we are.”

“put it down before this gets worse.”

“look at me.”

“i regret a lot of things.”

“you’re bleeding.”

“i didn’t think you’d survive.”

“don’t say my name like that.”

“you knew i’d come.”

“maybe you never knew me.”

“why are you here?”

“you wouldn’t like it.”

“people like us don’t get happy endings.”

“you followed me into ruin.”

“before everything fell apart.”

“there’s always a choice.”

“we could still fix this.”

“you’ve said that before.”

“i never meant for this to happen.”

“you promised.”

“what did you do?”

“before you chose a side.”

“don’t turn your back on me.”

“before you betrayed me.”

“you shouldn’t have.”

“i’m trying to help you.”

“you’ve always known the truth.”

“say something worth hearing.”

“i’m not backing down.”

“help me, or get out of my way.”

“don’t be foolish.”

“you should have run when you had the chance.”

“i owe you nothing.”

“i had no choice.”

“i walked away when it mattered most.”

“i crossed a line i can’t uncross.”

“i remember you too clearly.”

“you still care?”

with weather like this, only a fool would be outside. thunder rumbles in the sky, making the ground shake with each clap, and it’s raining harder than it has in awhile. up until now, fool is a word that could seldom be used to describe sol. that was he was thinking straight, when he didn’t feel like he needed to run away from it all, because the world felt like it might collapse before him.

because of the weather though, he didn’t make it very far, just a few blocks away from the apartment. he was soaked to the bone within a few minutes, and kept walking until the feeling of rain soaked shoes was unpleasant enough to stop walking. which was… good timing, because the farther he got from the apartment, the more intense his emotions got. and the more intense his emotions got, the more unsteady he felt.

his chest tight, his legs shaky, he opted to drop on the edge oh the sidewalk. getting in the way of oncoming traffic was the least of his worries, when the sun had long since set, and normal people avoided this weather. but the good thing about rain? it made it near impossible to tell that sol was crying, his tears and the droplets of rain mixing together, creating one big stream down his face.

before he was even discovered, he tried to get the tears to stop. the harder he tried though, the harder they fell. god, look at how pathetic he was.

The streets were bare, most having taken shelter. Not quite a tranquil scene, but something mercifully quiet. Often he wondered what it would feel like to have this every day, the absence of so many hearts beating alongside his own. Yet one thought always followed; would his own heart remain, without this secondhand connection to the world? What would he be left with if not even an imprint of what makes one human?

Times like these, Yuki could convince himself he, too, belonged to the earth.

A calm aura washed over Yuki as he approached this side street, long before he saw a man sitting there. It was familiar, aptly present amid all this water. It had often fascinated him, the difference between Sol and Byan’s auras; how they complimented rather than clashed. Sol’s steady as rushing water, and Byan’s a blaze strong and often all consuming. Yet this time, this river of Sol’s aura was tumultuous, just as the one Yuki had stood beside minutes before. Pain and despair, almost suffocating in their intensity.

As Sol spoke, Yuki tilted his head, and simply sat on the edge of the curb as well; keeping distance between himself and Sol, for both their sakes. He pushed the black strands of hair out of his face and glanced up at the sky, where the lightning flashed again.