Fat to Fit

I think about the decisions I’ve made this past year. Wonder where I’m heading. I’m not where I want to be, but do I even know where that is? What are my passions? What do I really want out of life? Where do I see myself when its all said and done?

All my life all I’ve ever wanted was to love and be loved. I hate being alone but even in the only real relationship I’ve ever had, alone is how I’ve always felt. Starving for human connection, feeling unable to make them successfully. Wondering how other people just seem to make them happen without effort. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me that this is what I really want and I just can’t seem to get it?

Focus on yourself, focus on your life. That’s what they tell me. The more I want it the less likely it is I’ll get it, but how, how do I just stop needing something I’ve been dying for my whole life?

Current weight: 206.6lbs

Breakfast:

2 eggs over easy cooked in butter on high fiber multi grain toast with more butter, salt and ketchup.