"I raise my kid, eat tacos and listen to classic rock. That's it

" Hey Mom. I know it's been a while since I've been around. I'm sorry about that but please, you gotta know that just because I wasn't here doesn't mean I forgot about you. You're on my mind all the time. It's always 'what would mom do ?' or 'what would mom say?'. I think about you every day. "

Lou spoke softly as the wind blew strands of her blond hair into her face. It was a particularly windy day but Lou was grateful the blistering heat had cooled down a little and yet there were no thunderstorms raging yet.

She felt a little silly, leaning against the smooth granite headstone and talking out loud to seemingly no one. But it wasn't 'no-one', really. It was her mother.

Lou wasn't a religious person at all, she hadn't seen a church since her mother's funeral and even back then she only went because she knew her mother had wanted it that way. But despite all that, Lou still wanted to believe that some part of her mother, her spirit or whatever one wants to call it, was still around.

She just had to believe in that thought, had to find comfort in it. The idea that every part of her mom was gone forever, was just too hard to bear.

" I see Elsa's been around plenty. I can tell by the sunflowers and the tulips. "

It was true. Elsa with her excitement  for all the big, bright and colorful flowers had clearly left her mark here.

" I brought you Daisies. I know you like them best. "

The bouquet of white and pink daisies lay next to her jeans clad leg and Lou couldn't help but remember the times when she was very little, not even going to school yet, and her mom took her to this big clearing surrounded by the forest, where the ground was covered in a sea of little white daisies and the two would spend hours picking them and making chains and crowns out of the flowers.

" I don't know what to tell you. So many things happened since the last time I've talked to you. I don't know where to start really, so I'll start with the most important part of my life right now. Mom, this is my son Michael Jeffrey Gilbert. He's 7 months old and he's perfect. "

Lou lovingly glanced at her little boy, softly stoking the fuzz on his head. He really was her world, her entire universe.

" His dad's in heaven too. Or at least I hope he is. I hope he's with you mom. Jeff was the most wonderful person and he loved me so dearly and he was so excited for our baby you have no idea. I hope he's with you and you guys are watching Mikey grow up into a little person. I miss you both so much. Life sucked for so long but I think moving back home might've been the right move. I'm feeling a little better, slowly but surely my chest doesn't feel so tight anymore, doesn't feel so heavy anymore. "

It was true. Despite how much she hated to admit it, Lou felt at home for the first time in a long time. Maybe she would just have to see this as a completely new start instead of a step back into her old life. Yes the town was still the same but she wasn't and her family wasn't and maybe that was the one thing that had to change for her to feel at peace with her situation.

" I wish you guys could be here. I hope you are, somehow. Gotta go now, Mikey has a playdate. I will come back though. And it won't take me several years this time, I promise. "

And this time she meant it.

" She is so precious" 

Lou cooed as he softly stroked the bright ginger locks on little Sofia's head. She had finally given in on Molly's wish. Every time she had lunch at the diner Molly would tell her to give her daughter Carley a call and arrange a play date for Michael and Carley's little one.

Though Molly always liked to point out how beneficial it would be for the kids to meet each other, Lou had the slight suspicion that this meeting was more about herself and Carley then it was about the kids who were far too young to properly play with each other anyway.

" Thank you. She's just turned 5 months and honestly she's the best thing to ever happen to me."

Carley's eyes were sparkling with motherly pride and Lou could relate oto well. She had never know a love like the one she held for her son, never.

" I feel you. Mikey has been the honest light of my life. He really put things into perspective for me."

There was a moment of silence before Carley cleared her throat and spoke up but keeping her eyes fixed on a loose thread at the bottom hem of her shirt.

" I uh —I don't wanna overstep any boundaries here but uh, there's talk in town you know...? "

Lou knew very well. There was always talk. About everything. One person picked up pieces of a conversation and told them to someone else who told that to someone who told it to more people and in the end the whole town knew an exaggerated and completely wrong version of the initial story.

" Talk about what ? " she asked wearily, having a suspicion what the talk was about.

" Your uh— your child's father. " and there it was. She knew this was gonna come up sooner or later and she also knew the people in this town would just love this. It was a mystery, a story they hadn't figured out yet, so naturally they started their gossip and assumptions.

" What are people saying ? "

Carley looked uncomfortable, nervously tugging the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands.

" Ya know. They heard he's not around and Connie who works at the gas station said she heard someone say that he died in a gang war. Was shot over some drugs. I don't believe that and you don't have to tell me. Just wanted you to know what people are saying. "

For a moment Lou was outraged. A gang war. Drugs. Who were these people thinking they could come up with a shit story like this ? Turn Jeff, the most genuine and wonderful person into some disgusting and vile drug lord character in their ridiculous gossip stories.

But then she remembered what her mom had tried to teach her. Tried remembering that those people, the one gossiping about her life, probably had a really boring life of their own. That they must be really sad people if making up rumors about her was the most exciting part of their day.

Her mother was very big on the whole "kill 'em with kindness" deal.

" Well that ain't true. " Lou scoffed and placed little Sofia back in her crib. " Jeff was shot but he wasn't in a gang and it wasn't about drugs. I don't really wanna go into detail if that's okay."

Carley quickly waved her off. " Yeah, no, of course. I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything. "

" No, it's not your fault Carley. It's the town. Nothing really happens, so they gotta come up with some bullshit to keep things exciting. "

And really, Lou didn't blame Carley. In fact, Lou was quite grateful that Carley had the decency to ask her about her late husband and not take the town's gossip for a fact and spread it even further. It seemed that some people in Colton Creek still had a dash of common sense.

Carley used to go to school with Lou, they both had geography with Mr. McAinleigh and the both hated it a whole freaking lot. Though they hadn't been friends back then, the did talk from time to time.

" Okay, cool. I hope I didn't scare you off. I don't really have any mom friends so when mom told me you're back and with a baby too, I got really excited. I honestly hope we can be friends, and the kids too at some point. "

Lou couldn't remember the last time she had a proper friend. Jeff was her best friend but he was also her husband so that didn't really count. Elsa was a friend, but also a sister.

It must've been back when she was a kid and that was a sad epiphany to her.

" I didn't really have any friends in Florida either. I think this could be real nice. I hope we can make this friendship work. "

And the smile that spread on Carley's face after Lou said those words, made her believe that she was taking a step in the right direction.

It was about two hours later that Lou had her son securely strapped into his baby carrier, ready to leave.

" Carley, it's been real fun and I honestly hope we can do this again but I gotta go. Gotta pick up some take out for me and Daryl. "

Carley's eyes widened in shock. " Daryl as in Daryl Dixon ? "

" Yup, the very same. " Lou confirmed. 

It was funny to see Carley's face of disbelieve, and really Lou couldn't blame her. Everyone knew Daryl was kind of a loner, liked to be by himself. If someone had told Lou a few days ago that she'd plan on having takeout with him she'd have called that person crazy. But here she was and she would definitely keep her part of the deal.

" You're having dinner with Daryl Dixon ? "

" Mmmh. He's fixing my car and I'm repaying him with takeout meals. "

Carley nodded and her surprise seemed to settle a little. " Okay that makes a little more sense I guess. Daryl sometimes helps out at Rodney's garage in Ramona so I guess he knows what he's talking about when it comes to fixing cars. I'd trust him with that."

That was new information to Lou. She had wanted to ask what it was Daryl was doing for a living these days but didn't wanna pry. So finding out from someone else was working just fine for her.

" Oh he does ? Didn't know he worked there. "

" Yeaaah " Carley replied dragging the word a little which told Lou there was more to this story and she honestly hoped this wasn't another Colton Creek gossip tale to come.

" Yeaaah ?" 

" Well, you know Rodney's kid ? Caroline ? She was about our age. Long black curls, gorgeous green eyes. She always spent the summer here with her dad. Had boobs way before any of us, whole highschool was lusting after her. "

Lou's memories of the girl were foggy. She didn't really care for her a great deal back then but she did remember Rodney talking about her from time to time when him and her dad played cards in the living room until the early hours of the morning.

" Name rings a bell but don't really remember much about her. "

" Well, she came back a few years ago. 3 maybe 4, don't really know. Got real cozy with Daryl real fast. Which we all thought was kinda weird cause she's so—" Carley exclaimed and flattered her lashes with a dizzy grin on her face. " — and he's so — " she continued, pulling her lips into a frown that did resemble Daryl's quite a bit.

" They were dating ? That's cute. Can't really imagine Daryl with a girl. Don't think he dated anyone in high school. Good for him. "

" Yeah well, no one really knows what they had going on. They hung out a lot. She stayed at his quite often when Merle was — well when he was doing whatever Merle does. Daryl changed, actually started talking to people, got more sociable. She even brought him around to attend church one Sunday. "

" Hold up. Daryl in church ? Wow that girl really had him wrapped around her finger, huh ? ".

It was a funny mental image, Daryl going to church. Lou had to suppress a smirk as she pictured him in a Sunday suit too big on him with a shirt full of creases and a lopsided tie.

" It seemed like it. Then at some point it all stopped, Caroline moved away and Daryl went back to being the loner he always used to be. I had really high hopes for those two, kinda bummed out it didn't work. Whatever it was they had going on. "

Lou couldn't remember ever seeing Daryl with a girl during their teen years. Then again, she couldn't really remember seeing much of Daryl in general.

" That's actually really sad. "

" It is. And no one really knows what happened. Seems like Rodney still kinda likes Daryl though. Let's him work at the body shop every now and again when Daryl needs money. Guess sometimes things just aren't meant to be. "

" I guess. "

It was sad though, Lou thought, that Daryl had given up on trying to fit in with the locals after whatever realtionship he had had with the girl went south. He could be real nice sometimes, if he just decided to show that side more often. 

The side that picked her up at the side of the road and gave her a ride home, the side that offered to fix her car.

That side, Lou decided, that side should make an appearance more often and she hoped that maybe during dinner it would.

Judging by the grumpy expression on his face, Daryl hadn't expected Lou to go through with her promise of bringing him dinner.

" What are ya doing here ? "

" Told you we'd bring you food. Hope Spaghetti are okay with you ? " she said and walked past him straight towards where she knew the kitchen was. After placing the bag containing the take out on the kitchen counter, Lou unbuckled a smiling Michael from his baby carrier.

" Can you hold him for a second while I put the food on plates ? Thanks. " Lou rambled, placing her son in a dumfounded Daryl's arms.

" Make sure to hold his head a little. " she exclaimed while unpacking the styrofoam containers from the bag.

Opening the cabinet above the sink Lou was not met with the plates she had hoped to find, but 3 mugs and a campy iron beer stein. " Where do you guys keep your plates ? ".

No answer.

" Daryl where are your — " Lou couldn't hold back a smile at the picture that greeted her as she turned around.

Daryl held Michael steady in his arms as the little boy reached out and patted the man's face with his tiny chubby baby hands.

There was an expression on Daryl's face Lou couldn't decipher completely. It was a mix of confusion and awe.

" You guys alright there ? "

Daryl glanced at her before focusing back on the child in his arms.

" Ain't held a lil one in a long time. " his gruff voice exclaimed and Lou swore she saw his lips twitch into a little smile.

" Well seems like he likes you. Stubble's not something he's used to. Ain't hanging around much with men. "

Daryl locked eyes with Lou for a moment and bit his lips nervously. Lou knew he wanted to ask her, wanted to know about Jeff, maybe even inquire if the stories he heart through the grapevine were true.

" His dad bailed on you or what ? "

That's what a lot of people assumed and Lou honestly wished that was the case. A life without Jeff would've been so much easier if he had just left them. But this wasn't just a life without Jeff this was a world without him and Lou couldn't help but feel like the world had lost a little light and happiness when Jeff died.

" Nah. He died. Surprised you didn't know, seems to be the talk of the town"

" Aw shit, sorry. " Daryl exclaimed before looking down at the baby in his arms " ... sorry didn't meant to swear in front of the kid. "

" That's okay. It's not like he understand or is able to repeat your words yet. " Lou reassured him which earned her a nod from Daryl.

" But uh ... yeah I don't talk much to the people around here so I don't really get to hear their bullshit gossip. Plates are in the cabinet on your right. " he told her and focused back on Michael as Lou turned around to put the food on the plates.

" That who you visited at the cemetery today ? "

Lou stopped shoveling the spaghetti onto the plate and looked at him over his shoulder.

" You following me or what ? " it was a joke but she was a little curious about how Daryl knew she had been there.

" Nah. Went to see my ma. She hasn't been the best person but it'd be her birthday today. "

Lou had no proper memories of Mrs.Dixon. She could remember that the woman always seemed far older than she was and that little Lou always wondered why she looked so tired all the time. Other than that Lou couldn't really remember Mrs.Dixon.

" Sorry about that. Know how it feels though I actually went to see my mom too."

Daryl let out a scoff. " It ain't the same, trust me. I go see my ma cause I feel guilty if I don't, not because I miss her that much. Hardly remember her. Your mom though, she was a fine lady. A good person. Put me back together more than once. "

" Yeah well, she was a nurse that was her job. "

Strands of shaggy hair fell into Daryl's face as he shook his head. " That ain't what I mean. But it don't matter now. It's in the past. "

Before Lou could investigate further in what those words meant, Daryl spoke up again.

" Go get the food ready before it gets cold. Ain't got all time in the world either. Gotta finish up your car. "

And though Lou did as he said, she couldn't help but hope that it would take Daryl some time to get her car fixed. The longer it took the more time she could spend trying to find out what in the world Daryl had meant with those words he had said about her mother.

Maybe though, maybe she also wanted to learn a bit more about Daryl in general. Didn't seem like many people gave it a shot and Lou was never one to back down from a challenge.

Ivy was climbing the walls of the small red brick house. It looked like straight out of one of the fairytale books mom used to read to her, Lou thought, if it wasn't for the beat up truck and the motorcycle in the driveway.

There was no way for her to locate the doorbell that was hidden somewhere in between this mass of green. And even if she had known where to find it, Lou had no desire to stick her hand in there, god knows what kind of insects lived in there.

So she knocked on the door, the same grey door she had knocked on so many times as a child. Back then it always looked shiny and new. Mr. Cofey always liked to say that the  front door was the first thing people saw when they came to visit and so it was to be kept in immaculate condition.

Now the grey paint was chipped and there were cracks left and right. Some things do change, Lou. Not everything stays the same forever, even here in Colton Creek.

With a creak the familiar door swung open and Lou came face to face with the one and only Merle Dixon.

Lou couldn't remember ever having a proper conversation with Merle. She had always tried to stay clear of him. He was always scowling, always drunk and always angry in one way or another. There was a lot of talk about him back then, a lot of bullshit too probably.

There was talk of drugs and violence and stories of him going to jail more than once and there was probably truth to all of them, but just like they do in every small town, the people of Colton Creek loved to over dramatize their words and consequently created their own modern folk tale of Merle Dixon, the heartless, brutal drug addict.

In reality, Lou couldn't really remember an incident where Merle really did anything but mind his own business. Yeah he made some crude comments towards the waitresses at the diner every now and then but that was about it. If he was all they made him out to be, he was a very disappointing example of an urban legend.

And now, as he stood before her that image was reaffirmed in her mind. His eyes were still hard and cold, the scowl was still as present on his face as ever, but Merle wasn't a vicious monster. Merle Dixon as he stood before her in his dirty grey wife beater and stained jeans, was nothing but a grumpy old man who had lived live a bit too fierce and a bit too fast.

His gaze traveled from Lou's face towards the baby carrier in her hand and back to her.

" That ain't mine. " he barked out at her " And even if it is, I ain't paying you a god damn cent. Don't want anything to do with it. "

For a moment she didn't understand what he was referring to, until she did and then she couldn't suppress a laugh.

" Uh, no. He's not — he's not yours. God, no. Don't worry. "

It was an absurd concept. Her and Merle. She did have her fair share of guys and there was a time when Lou hadn't been too picky on who to take to her bed, but those times where over and even back then she would've never gone for a guy like Merle.

" Knew I'd have remembered screwing a beauty like you. "

Ah there it was, the signature Merle Dixon sleaze.

" Yeah, I bet you would've. Is Daryl home ? "

His eyebrows shot up in confusion.

" What you want with my baby brother ? That his kid there ? "

" No, he isn't. Why are you so concerned with finding my child's father ? It's all good, we know his dad, we're not looking for a new one. Just here to thank Daryl for the ride home last night. That's all. "

" Why did Daryl give you a ride home ? "

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Lou explained. “My car broke down on the way home from Ramona. Daryl came by, drove us home. "

A smirk slowly spread on Merle's lips and it made Lou feel a little uncomfortable. It wasn't a teasing smirk, wasn't warm or radiant. It was one of those smirks people sport right before they throw some bullshit comment at you.

" Hmm, so that's your car in our garage, huh ? "

" My car ? In your garage ? "

" Little brother got up all early this morning to get the car. Has been working on it ever since. When he's done ya better treat him to a blowjob at least. "

Being around Merle was bearable for about 10 minutes at a time and then it just got exhausting and nasty.

Lou really didn't want to believe in all the shit the townspeople liked to spread about him, but experiencing him first hand, Lou couldn't really blame them.

" Wow, Merle. You're real nasty sometimes. "

" Thanks, doll. It's one of my pleasant personality traits."

" I bet. " Lou replied, lip curled up in a disgusted scowl.

"Hey do I know you ? " He asked, scratching his head and ruffling his barely present hair.

For a moment Lou had to stop and consider. He didn't really know here, maybe he'd seen her a few times when she was younger, almost a kid still. But no, he didn't know her.

" Nope, don't think so. I'm Lou. So you gonna show me where you brother is or — ? "

He didn't. Not verbally anyway. With the nudge of his head he directed her towards the door that lead from the house into the garage.

She had known the way, had spent a lot of time in that very same garage with Mr.Cofey watching him build little model planes, while Elsa watched Jeopardy with the Mrs.

Lou had manners though, and as much as she hated to admit it, this was Merle's house now and no matter how well she knew the way, she wouldn't just barge in like some maniac.

" Thanks, Merle. Always pleasant to see you. " She said as she passed him, sweet smile on her face. Kill 'em with kindness, right ?

Merle only let out a low grunt. " Like a pig " Lou thought and decided that that comparison was quite accurate, in more than one way.

The door to the garage was open and Lou could hear the clinking and clanking of tools against the car. It was quite something, the fact that Daryl brought her car here and wanted to fix it. He didn't have to do this, she didn't even ask him about it and yet he still did it. Maybe she hadn't been all that wrong about him.

Maybe he'd been a good guy all along that was just born into the completely wrong family.

He was hunched over the hood of her car, eyebrows furrowed and a grim look on his face.

" Judging by the expression it doesn't look too good huh ? "

Daryl's head snapped up at her words.

" Sorry didn't meant to scare you. Your brother let me in. I brought you brownies as a thank you for giving me a ride last night. "

For a moment he hesitated and it reminded Lou of a wild animal who tries to figure out if the hand reaching out to them is offering them food or trying to wring their neck.

" I uh — sorry I should've called. "

" Nah it's okay. " his voice was just as rough and she remembered it from last night. Daryl's eyes wandered down towards the baby carrier in her hand and the little boy who was happily babbling to himself.

" Oh, this is Michael. You didn't really get introduced properly last night. " Lou exclaimed setting the baby carrier down and unstrapping her son lifting him up in her arms.

" Daryl, this is Michael my son. Mikey, this is Daryl, the guy without whom we'd probably would've had to sleep in our car last night. "

There was an awkward silence settling upon them. Clearly her attempt of lightening up the mood with a joke didn't work out too well. Daryl just stared at the little boy then her then at the baby again. As if he was waiting for Michael to make the first move, shake his hand or something.

" He's a baby Daryl, he's not gonna shake your hand. I was just joking. "

A grunt was all she received in return.

" Okayyy then. So, what's the verdict ? My car gonna live or is this a final goodbye ? "

It was clear on his face, that Daryl was glad she changed the topic to something he could work with.

" Well, the engine is completely done for. Can't do shit about that except put in a new engine but that could cost you a bit. "

" What's a bit ? "

" Dunno for sure. I know some people, want me to check if I can get one for you that's not gonna put you in dept until your kid's turned 18 ? "

He lowered his head and averted his eyes but Lou could swear she saw a tint of red spreading on his cheeks.

" You'd do that ? "

He just gave Lou one of his signature grunts in response.

" Okay, that would be awesome. Thank you, Daryl. Thank you very much. " Another grunt followed.

Lou was never one to let people help without giving something back. Was never one to accept a good deed just like that. Never took anyone's help for granted.

This time was no exception.

" How about I bring you dinner while you work on this. Every day until you're done. It's the least I can do. I mean I'm not gonna cook it myself, trust me you don't want that. But I know some great takeout restaurants. "

Daryl looked up at her, wiped his hands on a dirty old rug that Lou couldn't imagine would do any good in getting his hands clean.

" Don't need your charity "

" Don't need yours either. Ain't charity. It's me paying you for this in the best way I can, tacos and pizza. "

And for the first time in a long while, Lou caught a little smile on Daryl's lips.

" Oh I almost forgot about  the brownies. I made those myself, basically the only thing I can bake. " She exclaimed and fumbled around in her bag, trying to locate the Tupperware box filled with the baked goods.

" They're special ?" Daryl grumbled from beside her.

" Huh ? "

" Ya know. Special brownies. "

Lou couldn't suppress the laugh that left her mouth. Daryl was so preciously awkward in everything he did and everything he said. It was almost charming.

" Oh no. Dude I'm a mom now. I don't dabble in the 'special' things anymore. I get my high from baby wipes and carrot puree these days."

Daryl was quite for a moment, his lower lip caught in between his teeth. Lou remembered him doing that a lot back in the day. Back when they had been acquaintances. And then, just like now, she couldn't help but be reminded of a little boy. Daryl was always so guarded and almost shy, like a little boy that was scared to mess up, scared to make a noise, a wrong move. It was almost amusing to see a guy with arms like he had them now, behave like that.

" 's a cute kid. "

" He is, thank you. I made him myself. "

And for the second time that day, Lou managed to tickle a smile out of Daryl ... a tiny one at least.

" You're gonna cook for him ? You sure that's a good idea ? " Elsa asked before stuffing another mozzarella stick into her mouth.

" No. I am aware that my cooking skills are terrible. I want him to fix my car, don't want him to die of food poisoning. Gonna check out all of the takeout options around. Just like tonight. "

Lou grinned and lifted the cold can of pepsi coke, an eyebrow raised and a cheeky smirk playing on her lips.

" And I am sure glad about that. "

A silence settled upon the two. Michael was softly slumbering in his nursery and the only sound to be heard, was the hum of the TV playing Casablanca.

" Remember when dad made us watch Casablanca with him on his birthday every single year ? " the older sister chimed up, a nostalgic smile gracing her lips.

Lou did remember, in fact it was one of the few things about her dad she allowed herself to think about every now and then. Her dad had always been greatly enthusiastic about classic movies, could watch them over and over again. So every year on March 2nd he'd get his girls and sit down on the couch, Elsa on one side and their mom on the other and Lou on his lap and they'd watch Casablanca. He'd always talk along with the movie and at some point so would Elsa and Lou. And then when the movie was over, he'd kiss their heads and say "That's a great movie. That's one hell of a movie. Ain't like that -insert contemporary movie here - crap the kids are going nuts over these days. "

And back then he was genuinely happy and so was Elsa and so was their mom and so was Lou.

" You know, I never really understood what that movie was all about. " Lou confessed. And really, she couldn't remember ever fully getting what the movie was about and by the time she'd been old enough to get it, her dad had given up on trying to hold his family together.

" Me neither," Elsa replied " but it made Dad happy and it was something that we did as a family and that's really all that mattered to me. "

It had been a really long time since they had been a family but this right here, lounging on her couch with her older sister while her baby slept soundly in the next room, felt a lot like things had felt back then.

" I haven't seen it in years. Wanna watch it ?  "

" Might as well. " Elsa answered and grabbed another mozzarella stick.

" I missed this, Lou."

Dr. Price office was located right on the main street of Ramona, between a little bakery and a pharmacy and across the street of a Mexican restaurant that Lou remembered very well. She had basically lived off their tacos from the age of 14-16.

There was a little coffee shop next to it, a store for hunting goods, a grocery store and at the far end of the street was Rodney's Body Shop. Ramona hadn't changed that much either, Lou realized.

It had taken a 2 hour Skype call with Elsa to agree on an outfit that wasn't too fancy but not too casual either.

" I don't want him to think I'm some stuck up bitch, alright ? But I do want him to take me serious. Like, Hey I'm sophisticated but I could probably open a beer bottle with a paperclip."

" You can open a beer bottle using a paperclip ? That's impressive." 

" El ! That's not what this is about—and yes. There's hardly anything I can't use to open a beer bottle. "

Eventually Lou decided on an outfit. Though that was only after a quite lengthy talk about beer bottles and paperclips and and argument about what vibes a pencil skirt is giving off. Elsa was convinced it was professional and classy whereas Lou proclaimed that there's only one message a pencil skirt sends, which is : I haven't been properly fucked in years and I won't be getting any anytime soon. Elsa had just scoffed at that. Elsa wore a lot of pencil skirts.

The office was painted a warm peach color and there were framed water color paintings of flowers hung up on the walls. Lou immediately felt comfortable here. This office really matched Dr.Price perfectly, she thought.

He had a warm, inviting smile, and dimples that adorned his cheeks. With his light blond hair and his green eyes he looked not a day older than 27 although he was already in his 30s. He was the type of guy the woman in Florida would've gone crazy for, the type of guy she would've gone crazy for back in the day. Before she had met and lost the guy she thought was her forever.

Not only was he so conventionally gorgeous, Dr. Price was also incredibly nice and for a moment there Lou thought she was being fucked with. He was attentive, sweet and genuinely interested in having her work for him, despite being a single mother and only being able to work short hours.

Michael had the doctor wrapped around his little finger in the matter of minutes, a power Lou had noticed on him a while ago. People were immediately smitten with her little boy and looking into his big blue eyes, Lou could definitely understand why that was.

" So, I would love to add you to our little team. " Dr.Price chimed up, shaking Lou from her daydream.

" Really ? I mean, awesome. Great, thank you very much. I'd love to become a part of your team. Thank you."

" You're welcome " Dr. Price smiled and held her small hand in his, shaking it warmly, as if they had known each other for years, had been old friends. " I hope we can all become a little family away from home eventually. Oh and don't worry about the little one, you can always bring him or we can figure something out. That's not a problem at all. "

Lou couldn't really comprehend what was happening. Not only was he offering her a job, but he was more than understanding about her parental situation. 

This was so much more than she could've hoped for. This was gonna be the first step into a new life, a better life.

" Honestly, I can't thank you enough. "

" That's alright. So I will see you on Monday. Have a good and safe drive home. " With those words Dr.Price bid her farewell, and Lou couldn't wipe the smile of her face.

" You know what this calls for ? " she whispered and looked down towards her little son as if the baby would miraculously understand her words and answer her.

" That's right ! Celebratory tacos ! "

Because that's common knowledge isn't it ? Celebrations call for tacos. Always.

" Woooooooooooooah we're halfway there. Wooooooooooooooah livin' on a prayer. "

Bon Jovi was blasting through the stereo on the way home from Ramona to Colton Creek. Michael was softly babbling to himself in his baby carrier and the smell of tacos filled that Car.

Lou couldn't remember the last time she had been this content. She had good food, good music, a new job, and her favorite person with her to experience it all.

Life had been so shit on her lately, she deserved this. She did.

" From now on, my little hero, from now on life's gonna be good. We're gonna end up on top, I can feel it. "

Just as Lou was about to belt out more of the Bon Jovi classic, the car let out a rumbling sound.  She knew this would happen eventually. Her husband had warned her, he told her this would happen at some point. But Lou was, and had always been, stubborn and when she had first caught sight of the cherry red 1969 Camaro convertible, she knew that was the car she wanted.

Now was the moment her stubbornness would come back and bite her in the ass.

Another rumble sounded through the car and the once smooth drive turned into a bunch of shaky stutters.

Turning on the hazard lights, Lou steered her car towards the side of the road and turned off the engine. Maybe she would've made it home but it was too much of a risk. Ever since her mother had passed away in a car accident Lou had become overly careful when it came to those kind of things.

It was dark outside and Lou was basically stranded in the middle of nowhere. 

There were no houses on the road between Ramona and Colton Creek. No gas stations, no motels, no freaky roadside museums, nothing. She was basically stuck in the middle of nowhere with a baby on the backseat and a phone that had run out of power sometime between the end of her job interview and her walk to the Mexican restaurant.

"Well, at least we're not gonna starve" Lou joked turning towards her little boy who was all but bothered by the situation. " You know what Mikey ? You have it so good. I wish I was as oblivious and careless as you. Good times. "

Whenever she found herself in a shitty situation, Lou resorted to making bad jokes and rambling an awful lot. She knew people hated that part of her, knew it drove her sister completely nuts. But that was just how she dealt with life and that wouldn't change anytime soon. Problems would be ignored for as long as possible because once you acknowledge them, you gotta deal with them and THAT was something Lou was exceptionally bad at. 

A little time went by and Lou was starting to get the feeling that she might have to actually deal with the situation. Michael was getting antsy in his seat and it was starting to rain slightly, as if the situation wasn't bad enough already.

Slowly but surely Lou was getting a little anxious. She couldn't just sit here and wait for a miracle to happen. Partially because she knew miracles didn't happen especially to her, and partially because she was an incredibly impatient person.

So what could she do ? Grab Michael and walk home ? That seemed to be the only way to actually make it home, though walking through the rain with her baby in her arms probably wasn't the smartest idea either.

" I take it back, Michael. Life isn't being any good on us at the moment. "

In retrospect, Lou thought, in retrospect she should've seen this coming. Life doesn't treat her to a new job without finding another way to screw her over. This was the way things worked for her, whenever something good happened she could count on life to even it out with some shitty news.

The best example for that phenomenon was probably the fact that she had to raise a baby all by herself because god or karma or the universe or whatever higher power one chooses to believe in, decided that she couldn't have two people to love unconditionally. She wasn't granted a life with a child and a loving husband. So the later was taken from her.

So of course the new job didn't come without some shitty situation to even it out.

" I should've know ", Lou thought " I should've expected this. " 

10 minutes went by and Michael was getting more and more cranky. The drizzle had turned into a full on downpour, it was getting quite dark outside and Lou was at a loss of what to do.

She couldn't stay here any longer but walking home through the pouring rain with her infant son wasn't an option either. They'd be completely soaked by the time they'd arrive at home.

If Elsa knew about this, she'd probably be livid, Lou thought. There's a few things she had learned from her older sister and "Always keep your phone charged when you're going out!" was one of them. So if her sister knew she had completely forgotten about that, she would probably rip Lou’s head off.

Lou slumped back in her seat, leaning her head against the headrest and letting out a loud groan. " This day started so well. "

Just as she was about to dig into her, now cold, taco in the hope that the rain would've stopped by the time she had devoured it, the shine of headlights appeared in the distance coming right her way.

In that moment Lou was caught between being incredibly relieved since this person might be her chance to get home safe and dry, and being wary since this was a complete stranger and they were practically in the middle of nowhere.

Before she had time to calculate her next move, the car started to slow down before coming to a complete stop only a couple of steps away from Lou's car.

"Great, the potential axe murder has noticed me and I didn't even get to finish my taco" Lou thought, placing the food back in the bag, and stepped out of the vehicle.

If this was her potential end, she'd face it head on. Make it a quick one.

Approaching the car, Lou could faintly make out the silhouette of a man. He had shaggy hair and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips. Wonderful, sounds like a most delightful gentleman.

The person reached over the passenger seat and slowly, with a lot of creaking and screeching, rolled down the car window.

" You alright, lady ? You need a ride ? "

The voice was rough and husky and Lou could only guess that the cigarettes had played quite the part in that. It wasn't a particularly angry or annoyed voice, a little irritated yes but it didn't scare her as much as she had expected it would. Didn't make her want to grab her child and run off.

And yet, this person was a complete stranger, and no matter how inviting a voice or how charming a personality, strangers are not to be trusted immediately. That shit gets people killed.

Rain was slowly soaking through her clothes and Michael was left alone in her car and Lou knew she had to make a decision. Get in the car or walk home, through the downpour and the dark.

She'd be completely and utterly soaked by the time she'd get home but at least she'd still be alive.

" Uh, well yeah my car broke down but honestly I don't wanna be a bother. I'll just get my son and we'll walk home don't worry."

" There you go, Lou. Let him off easy, don't offend him. " she thought and gave herself a mental pat on the back.

That's until the guy spoke up again.

" Tallulah ? "

It had been a long time since anyone but Elsa had called her that. Back when she was younger she had gone by her full name, was proud of it even though it wasn't the most common name to have. It was the name her mother gave her, decided was fit for her little girl, and if her mother thought it was a good name, so did Lou.

Molly had called her by her full name the day she had arrived back here but soon caught onto that fact that Tallulah was the girl she had left behind when she left and Lou was the woman that had returned home.

Whoever this person was, definitely had to have known her a long time ago. Back when things were different.

" Uh, do I know you ? "

Squinting her eyes to see a bit more clearly into the car, Lou walked a little closer.

" Holy Shit, Daryl ? "

Looking at the man in front of her, Lou could finally see that time had changed things around here. Had changed people other than herself.

There was a vivid image of Daryl in her mind, the way he was before she left. Tall and lanky and still trying to grow into his body despite having passed puberty for quite a while. His hair had been much shorter and he sure as hell did not have arms the size of the entire state of Georgia.

As cheesy as it sounds, Daryl was a boy when she left and this Daryl before her, was a man.

" Wow, it's been so long. "

" Sure has. You need a ride or what ? "

And just like that the situation had changed completely. Granted, Lou hadn't seen Daryl in 12 years but something about him made her feel at ease immediately. They hadn't been friends all those years ago but they had shared a mutual understanding of how the other felt. Something had connected them back then and maybe that's what made her feel safe all at once.

" That would be lovely thank you. Let me just get my son real quick—and my tacos. " 

The drive was awkward to say the least. Daryl kept his eyes fixed on the road not even once glancing at her and the baby in her arms.

She wanted to strike up a conversation, partially because she was nosey and curious about Daryl's life nowadays and partially because she couldn't stand this awkward silence and if someone gives you a ride you're supposed to make small talk, be a pleasant passenger.

But what would she possibly talk about ? She hardly knew anything about Daryl other than that he had a brother and a pretty shitty life at home. They hadn't been friends all those years ago and she couldn't really remember Daryl being the most talkative person either.

" You got a kid huh ? " Daryl spoke up beside her and saved her from actually having to come up with something to ask him, talk to him about.

" Yup, this is Michael. He's 7 months old. He likes sleep, long drives and classic rock.... and I have no idea why I just introduced him like I was reading his tinder profile to you. "

There it was again, the nervous rambling.

" His what ? The fuck is tinder ? "

Lou should've known better.

" It's ... you know what? It doesn't matter. I was just rambling. "

" Mhh. Alright. " He grunted in response.

Lou didn't want the conversation to die down, wanted to keep it going and get rid of this god awful awkward silence.

" So, what are you doing these days ? Haven't seen you in a while. How's your brother ? How's life ?"

God, stop the rambling, Lou.

Daryl glanced over at her before looking back at the street.

" Same as always. Merle's Merle. "

" And you ? "

He shrugged his shoulders, a small frown spreading on his lips. Clearly he hadn't changed all that much. Still not that big of a talker.

" Ain't nothing changed much. Working here and there, tryna get by. "

Lou wanted to know so much more, where he worked, what he had been doing all these years and more about his personal life now, but she knew that this was making Daryl more than uncomfortable and she really didn't want to over step any boundaries here. He was nice enough to give her a ride after all.

It was quite again, but not as awkward as it had been before. Silent but not uncomfortable.

" Heard about your dad. Sorry 'bout that, Tallulah. "

It surprised her, that he tried to keep the conversation going. What didn't surprise her, was that he had heard about her dad's passing. Colton Creek was a tiny town where everyone knew everyone and news spread like wildfire.

" 's okay. It's not like we were any close these days. Also uh — I'd like it if you could call me Lou. I don't really go by my full name anymore. "

She could see Daryl raising his eyebrow a little but the movement was so tiny, so fleeting, that she might've imagined it after all.

" Sure. Saw you driving along the street the past few nights. You some kind of insomniac or something ? Your headlights shine right through my bedroom window. "

" Yeah, Michael can be pretty cranky sometimes, driving calms him down. Wait, which one is your house ? The old Coffey house ? Hey, guess we're neighbors now. I didn't know you guys moved. "

Daryl nodded, biting his lips a little as if he was in deep thought.

" Yeah. We had to move, was the only place we could afford. So you moving back here now ? With your husband and kid huh ? "

" Just — it's just gonna be me and Mikey. "

Lou was praying to every higher power hoping that Daryl wouldn't ask any further questions. Talking about this all with Elsa was bad enough but she did not feel like opening her wounds in front of a guy from her past who was basically a stranger these days.

But Daryl was Daryl and he kept quite, just nodded and dropped the topic. Lou didn't know if he genuinely didn't care or if he could tell it was a sore topic for her and didn't investigate further because of that. She didn't care either.

" So you're back home ? "

Home, was this home ? It's been home once and then it suddenly didn't feel like home at all. And now ? Lou wasn't sure yet.

" I raise my kid, eat tacos and listen to classic rock. That's it. "

She hoped he wouldn't catch on to her not downright confirming that this was home and she was back for good, because that was a question she simply couldn't answer. 

" You gonna stay ? "

" Yeah. For a while at least. "

The grass was still damp and covered in morning dew as Lou stepped outside of her new home, or old home, depending on how you saw it. It had been two weeks since her father's funeral and since she had made the decision to leave Florida behind and move back to Georgia. Two weeks filled with trips across the states and packing boxes and guilt stricken glares from her mother in law that let Lou know just how she thought about the move.

It was early in the morning but the birds were awake already, chirping happy songs and for a moment Lou felt like she was 10 years old again. The air smelled exactly the same as it did back then fresh and earthy, like the woods that were practically part of her backyard now.

Jacksonville had never felt like home, not entirely. It was her husband that made it her home but with him gone, there was nothing but a huge empty house that was much too big for her and her infant son. A house filled with dreams of what could've been and what would never be. It was so big and yet she filled like suffocating in there.

Colton Creek was the complete opposite of Jacksonville. The words intimate or private hardly existed in this place. Everyone knew everyone's business or at least they thought they did. Word traveled fast here and people hardly paid attention to whether it was the truth or not. For Lou though, it didn't matter what the others had to say. She knew they'd talk about her. The trouble maker daughter finally returning home.

All that mattered to her, was that this town felt like home.

Maybe, she thought, maybe she was given a chance to erase the bad memories she had of this place. Cover them up with new ones, good ones. Memories of her son growing up here, playing in their backyard, smiling.

" Oh he is just so precious. " 

" Thank you very much. "

" Honestly, Lou. That little boy has got to be the most adorable little guy I have ever seen in my life."

Lou couldn't suppress the smile forming on her lips as she watched Molly and the other two waitresses at the diner, swoon over her son.

She had to admit, Michael was adorable. He had big eyes and chubby cheeks and he was all around perfect. Every little thing about him was perfect. Then again, she was his mom she was a little biased there.

" Oh don't flatter him, he's gonna be real arrogant by the time he learns how to talk. "

" Oh shush you, " the older woman waved her hand dismissively at Lou. " He's a real cutie and I will let him know just that."

There was no arguing with Molly Phillips, Lou had learned that a long time ago. Back then there had been days when she or Elsa used to be short on money, only being able to afford a milkshake. Molly though, she wouldn't have any of it and insisted the girls would get a burger each on the house for being "the most beautiful customers of them all ".

" Alright, alright. You win, Molly."

" Don't I always ? So, missy what brings you here ? "

" Well for one you guys have the worlds best Bacon and cheddar sandwich and It's lunch time ... aaaand I am looking for a job and if anyone knows of any free positions, it's you. "

When the decision of moving back to Georgia was made, Lou hadn't really thought about finding a new job. She wanted to be a full time mom for as long as possible. Though with buying a lot of new furniture her savings were looking rather sad.

" Well, I could always use a little help here but I've seen how clumsy you are countless times so I think the waitress job isn't really your thing. What was it that you did back in uh — Florida was it ? "

" Yeah Florida. I was a secretary at my — at a law firm. Did a lot of paper work made phone calls. I make a mean coffee, just saying'."

Molly thought for a while, slightly biting her lip and Lou could almost see the gears in her head turning, working on finding a solution.

" Well honey, we don't have no law firm around here but I do know that the new Doctor in Ramona is looking for a new secretary though. Nice man really, came here to other day to introduce himself and grab a cheeseburger. He's inherited the practice from his uncle but it's been empty for a while now. It's pretty good to know there's a doctor's office just 30 minutes away ain't it ? Maybe you should try and see if that's a job for you. "

Ramona was a city about half an hour from Colton Creek and slightly bigger than Lou's sleepy old hometown. They had a bowling alley and a cinema and Lou could vividly remember the many nights she had spend there when she was a teenager, trying to forget about her family situation while stuffing her face with popcorn.

She had never worked for a doctor though, had no idea about anything medical. To be quite honest, she had only gotten her previous job because her husband was the head of said law firm. And then there was still the problem that she would have to find someone to look after Michael while she was at work.

" Life would be so much easier if money wasn't an issue," Lou thought to herself.

" That sounds really good, I might check it out. I gotta find someone to look after the little one though. Can't just take him with me now can I ? "

" Listen darling, " Molly exclaimed and faced Lou with a serious expression on her face, " I know what it's like to be a single mom trying to provide for her kid and still having to work. If you need someone to look after the bug, I'll always be there. Carley, my daughter, has a little one too so she's also an option for you. You give this doc a call and see if the position is still available, explain you situation to him maybe he's okay with you bringing the little one or gives you shorter work times or something. See if it is something ya wanna do and we'll figure out the rest later. Alright ? "

Those words were definitely something Lou could imagine her mother saying. Her mom was always big on taking the chances life grants you. If only she was still here, she would know what to do.

" Thank you Molly, I appreciate this a lot. How is Carley anyway ? Maybe we should get together sometime. I didn't really have any mom friends back in Florida, would be nice to have one here. "

It was true, life back in Florida was far too fast paced, chaotic and overwhelming lately to make any friends. Most days were spent at home being watched intensely by her mother in law who was just waiting for Lou to make even the smallest mistake. She had tried once, to meet other mothers at the park and engage in some talk about the kids but that backfired royally. All this other woman wanted to talk about was Lou's late husband and how hard it must be to raise this baby all by herself and how sorry this woman was for what Lou was going through and blah blah blah. In trying to escape the constant pressure and sadness and pity that surrounded her at home, she had just stumbled right back into it.

" She's good. I'll let her know, tell her to give you a call. Now go home, call up the doc and get yourself a job, Missy."

" I will, thank you Molly. Thank you for everything. "

" Sure thing, Lou. We're always here for you."

As she walked down the little staircase of the diner and towards her car, her son sleeping safely against her shoulder, Lou thought that maybe moving back wasn't such a bad idea. She finally had the feeling that she was taking control over her life again. Control over her future and the people she'd share it with. 

For once in her life she would chose them all by herself, gather her own little family not by blood and not by marriage, but by choice.

Dr. Christopher Price had the most suiting voice Lou had ever heard in her life. It was warm and friendly and it made her feel like his attention lay on her and her alone. 

It was surprisingly easy to find his phone number and after giving herself a half an hour pep talk convincing herself that this phone call would in fact not kill her, Lou dialed it.

From the moment he picked up to the moment they stopped the call, Lou never once had the impression that she was bothering him. Not even when he told her that the position was unfortunately already taken and especially not when he suddenly remembered that he would need someone to take the morning shifts on the weekend and invited her to come around and meet him in person to talk about the details of this job offer. 

Lou knew that he didn't offer her the job because he desperately needed her, he held pity for her. The single mother, new in town, unemployed. Though for once she had to swallow her pride, this was important for her and for Michael.

" So, I'm gonna see you monday then ? Oh and feel free to bring your son, I know if can be difficult to find a babysitter especially since you're new in town. Don't worry, you can always bring him if you need to. "

For a moment there Lou thought that this was far too good to be true. Life wasn't this easy on her, this nice. Life was hard and loved throwing curve balls her way.

" Alright. Thank you, that's very nice of you. I'll see you Monday then. Thank you very much for the opportunity. "

" No problem, goodbye Miss. Gilbert "

After she had hung up, Lou was asking herself if she should've corrected him, should've told him that despite her husband being dead she was still a Mrs.

Looking over to Michael, Lou had a small smile playing on her lips. Maybe things were really starting to look up for them both & calm down a little. Heaven knows they both had enough chaos in their lives lately. Maybe they'd finally get a chance to take a breath and relax for just a moment.

Relax, my ass.

Lou was driving along the streets of Colton Creek with Fleetwood Mac playing in the background and the red numbers on the dashboard clock showing 10:14pm.

For some reason Michael had decided that now that life gave them some calm and peace, he would make the most of it and start a riot.

After she had fed the little boy and put him down for a little nap, Lou was just about to slump down on her couch and watch some TV when her son decided that a nap was the last thing he wanted to do.

He had started crying and no matter what Lou tried to do to make it better, none of it seemed to help.

There were moments he seemed to calm down a little but those lasted only for as long as Lou still held him in her arms. As soon as she even made the attempt on putting him to bed, he started bawling once again.

So after countless tries of calming her little son, Lou knew there was really only one way to get him to settled down. It was a definite way to make him stop crying and fall asleep, it always worked. Always. It was just a little inconvenient for her.

There must have been something suiting about driving in her car, or maybe it was the music she always played, but Michael seemed to think it was the most comfortable place and it only took about half and hour for him to fall into a deep slumber.

" We gonna have to do this ever night now ? Huh little one ? "

Colton Creek was basically a ghost town at night. The places still open were the diner and the bar but Molly always made sure to keep to Diner customers in line so that they didn't disturb anyone, and the bar was at the edge of the town, way off from where anyone actually lived.

Lou rounded the corner, passed the bookstore and turned onto the dirt road that lead to her home.

Their house was the last one on this road, way back in the forest surrounded by nothing but nature. Her mom had wanted it this way. She was really big on having her kids "get it contact with nature and mother earth". As a kid Lou had thoroughly enjoyed playing by the creek with her sister and exploring the woods with a stick in hand and a backpack full of soda and rice krispies . As a teenager, not so much.

Once again, Lou passed the old red brick house on her way home. It was the only other house on the road and it was a good 10 minute walk from her own. To say the people living there were her immediate neighbors would be an exaggeration.

It used to belong to the Coffey's, an older couple. Lou remembered being at their place sometimes when she was much younger and dad was at work and mom was running errands. Mrs. Coffey always made the best cakes and cookies. She was kinda like the grandmother Lou had never had.

Mr. Coffey had passed away back when Lou was in High School and Mrs. Coffey had decided to move to California not long after, to be closer to her daughter. Up until the day Lou had left Colton Creek, the house had been empty.

Judging by the motorcycle in the driveway though, it seemed that it had found a new owner.

" Should swing by and introduce myself at some point. " Lou thought, trying to make a mental memo of it. Knowing herself though, she'd probably forget about it as soon as she'd step out of the car.

And she did. Though for the next few nights she kept being reminded of it every time she drove by the red house.

Apparently her son had decided to make the nightly drive around town a permanent ritual for them.

“ Settle down little one. It’s free bird. Come on you like this song, I know you do. We’ll be there soon, I promise you. ”

The little boy, snuggled tightly into his car seat, calmed down a little as his mother’s voice sounded through the car.

“ We’re almost there I promise, I can already see the welcome sign. Won’t be long baby boy.”

Just as those words left her lips, Lou passed the big wooden sign with the chipped green paint that was in dire need of repainting, has been for many years now.

“ Welcome to Colton Creek, Georgia. Home of Suzie’s world famous peach pie. ”

Nothing had changed, not the forest surrounding the little town. Not the red painted facade of Howard’s hardware store on the right side of the main street. Not the little dirt path that lead past Molly’s Diner and the book store up to her old home. Nothing had changed.

And yet everything was different.

“ See baby ? we’re already in town, just a few minutes and we’re there.”

Lou’s heart was heavy as she passed the familiar buildings, drove the familiar streets and soon enough, she knew, soon enough she’d see familiar faces.

There was no doubt in her mind that people would recognize her sooner or later, it’s been years but she still had the same face only slightly older now. And if that wasn’t enough, word travels fast, especially in a small town like this one. They knew about her father, knew what happened, and soon enough they’d know about the prodigal daughter who returned home to mourn the death of a man she hadn’t seen in years.

It’s been a long drive, all the way from Jacksonville Florida, and Lou had a lot of time to think. A lot of time to ask herself why in the world she was doing this. She hated her dad, couldn’t care less if he was dead or alive, why would she take an over 5 hour long drive all the way up to Georgia, just to see him being lowered into the ground ? Especially now, that life was hard enough on her as it is.

Elsa.

That’s the conclusion she came to right as she passed Macon. Elsa was the only reason she was doing this. There was just no way she could ever say no to her older sister. This was her special power, always has been. What Elsa wanted, Elsa got. It might’ve been her gorgeous blonde locks or those deep brown eyes with the golden speckles. Lou didn’t know, all she did know, was that when her sister had asked her to come and attend the funeral, Lou just couldn’t say no, no matter how much she would hate being present.

Deep inside Lou knew that Elsa wanting here there wasn’t the only reason she had taken this trip. Right now though, right now she wasn’t ready to admit that to herself.

Lou’s eyes were focused on her sister’s small silhouette. She was always so skinny, even as a child. It made her look even more doll like than she already was. She was pale but never sickly pale, more like her skin was made of porcelain. Her hair was shiny, like golden silk, and her curls were miniscule.

She had probably taken hours to make sure she looked flawless. Elsa was always the one who cared a little too much about what other people thought of her. Lou never understood why her sister was so obsessed with being perfect in someone else’s eyes but as long as she was happy, Lou couldn’t care less.

Ever since she was a little girl, Lou looked up to her older sister. She was sure that if the sun had a human form, it was Elsa. She was always so happy, her smile was so radiant and warm and there was no way you could be sad when she was around. In Lou’s eyes, Elsa was the sun.

Right now though, right now Elsa’s eyes held the fury of a thunderstorm as they focused on her little sister who stood a little further down the path, leaned against a tree holding her son in her arms.

Lou had promised her she’d be there, no one ever said she had to stand next to her sister and act like she really cared that her father had kicked the bucket. There was hardly anything she cared less about. It was sad really, he was her dad and she wasn’t even a little sad that he had passed away.

Lou’s eyes fell onto the little boy in her arms and she grabbed him just a little tighter and placed a kiss on his head. She had promised herself a long time ago, that Michael would never have to doubt her love for him, not for a single fleeting second. She would always make sure to show her son how wonderful and loved he was.

“ You know, you could’ve come and stood with us. Would’ve been nice. And what even is this outfit ? ”.

A little smirk found it’s way onto Lou’s lips. When she pulled on her shirt earlier that morning, Lou knew Elsa was gonna give her shit for it … and maybe that was part of the reason she had chosen to wear it. If there was one thing Lou liked to do, it was wind up her older sister.

“ Oh come on El, you told me to wear black and this shirt is black. ”

“ It a Star Wars shirt, Tallulah. ”

“ So ? ”

“ This is a funeral. ” Elsa scolded her little sister, an irritated higher pitch in her voice.

“ Yeah a funeral you made me attend. I could be lounging on my couch with my baby, watching Mickey mouse clubhouse, but noooo.”

“ Lou, we both know that’s not the only reason you’re here. Please stop being so childish.”

Lou hated to admit it, but Elsa knew her better than she had expected, much better than anyone else knew her. Of course there was no way to hide anything from Elsa, she would always be able to tell if Lou kept something from her. Always.

“ Alright you caught me. Doesn’t change anything though. I really didn’t feel like standing there with you and trying to produce fake tears while watching them lower our asshole of a father into the ground. ”

The older of the two had to swallow hard after hearing her sister’s words. Elsa knew Lou held a deep grudge against their dad and she couldn’t blame her really. She hadn’t been there when Lou had needed her most, didn’t have to experience what her little sister did. Lou had told her though, about everything.

There was no doubt in Elsa’s mind that when Lou said she hated their dad, she meant it. And still … Elsa only ever had positive memories of their father and hearing her sister talk about him so negatively always hit her hard. It also made her feel guilty about leaving her sister to deal with the situation all alone.

“ How are you holding up, you know because of … ”

“ I’m okay. ”

She wasn’t but that’s what people liked to hear, what her sister liked to hear. Lou knew perfectly well that Elsa didn’t believe her for a second she just hoped her older sister would let it go. Lou wasn’t big on talking about her feelings, never was. Giving away how you feel makes your vulnerable, that’s what she had learned from a very young age and she still stuck to that.

“ Alright. You want to go and have a bacon cheeseburger and strawberry milkshake at Molly’s? ”

“ What are we, 14 ? ”

“ Come on little one, you know you ain’t ever saying no to a bacon cheeseburger from Molly’s. ”

It was show up to make Elsa happy and then leave. Not ripping open old wounds and definitely no stroll down memory lane. Lou didn’t want to be here. But as she looked into her sister’s big brown eyes there was no she could say no. Damn you, Elsa.

“ Alright alright, but you gotta put some curly fries on top. ”

“ Deal. Now let me cuddle my nephew, it’s been too long. ”

And with the older sister took the little boy from Lou’s arms to shower him with kisses. She was sure her son loved this, all the attention and love he was given. Elsa was a wonderful aunt and sometimes Lou wondered if moving back to Georgia, closer to where she grew up and close to Elsa, would make things easier for her and the little one.

“ No way, the Graham sisters. Didn’t think I’d ever see you girls again. ”

Molly Phillips was a plump red haired woman. She must’ve been around the age of 55. Ever since Lou could remember, Molly and her little diner were a safe haven for her and her sister. When her mom passed away, Molly stepped up and became some kind of fairy godmother for the two. As much as Lou tried to deny it, there were things about this town that she had missed dearly, and Molly and her diner were some of those things.

“ Actually, it’s Gilbert now. ” Lou spoke up as the older woman let her go from the tight hug she had pulled her into.

“ Tallulah Gilbert huh ? Well doesn’t that sound fancy. You’ll always be a Graham to me though. Oh, sorry about your dad, girls. He was a good guy most of the time. ”

No he wasn’t, Lou thought but kept her mouth shut. Some things you don’t need to say out loud.

“ Thank you Molly, can you bring us the usual ? ” Elsa spoke up, knowing the topic of their father was a sore subject for her younger sister.

“ Bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon and strawberry milkshakes. Coming right up. ”

“ Oh and add some curly fries to that. ”

“ Alright, I’ll be back with your order in just a moment. ”

It was strange, Lou thought, everything was so familiar. The jukebox in the back still played the same old songs, the ceiling fan was still missing one of the blades and the “Alex loves Emma, 1993!” graffiti was still there on the surface of their usual table. She still had no idea who Alex or Emma were but Lou was hoping they were happy and still as in love as they were in 1996.

“ Some things never change huh ? ” Elsa spoke up from the seat opposite her sister.

“ I was just thinking exactly the same thing. ”

“ Yeah ? He did have more hair back then though.”

“ Wait, who ? What ?” Lou asked, looking up from the table and following her sister’s glance to the back of the diner.

“ Is that Merle ? ”

Merle Dixon was some kind of local celebrity, and not for any positive reasons. He was vile, violent and as rude as can be. He had changed a little, his beer belly was a bit bigger and his hair got less and less but the ever prominent scowl was still there.

“ Wow, he’s gotten old. ” Lou exclaimed. It was weird, seeing how everything was so familiar and yet so different. It’s not like she had expected time to stand still until she returned home, it was just … strange.

“ I guess we all did. Not surprised he’s still spending all his day hanging out at the diner then heading over to the bar.”

Elsa was right, they girls couldn’t remember a time when Merle Dixon had an actual job, sure there was a lot of talk about him being involved with illegal stuff. But living in a small town, you quickly learn not to believe everything you hear.

“ Guess some things really never change. I wonder what Daryl does these days. ”

Lou hadn’t thought of Daryl in years. It wasn’t like they’d been good friends or anything but after Elsa left for college and things got bad at home, Lou often found herself wandering the woods behind her house and with the woods came Daryl Dixon. He was her sister’s age, a few years older than Lou herself and they had seemingly nothing in common, only they did.

“ Probably the same thing Merle does. He always used to follow his brother like a little puppy, didn’t he ? ” Elsa replied. She used to go to school with Daryl, that is whenever he actually showed up at school. He was always grumpy and never really talked to anyone.

“ Nah, I don’t think so. At least I hope not. Daryl wasn’t like Merle at all, he was actually quite smart. ”

As the words left Lou’s lips, she could see her sister raise her perfectly styled eyebrow in question.

“ How would you know ? ”

“ We used to hang out sometimes. Not like we were friends or anything but … I don’t know, we just talked about stuff sometimes. ”

This was all so long ago, she didn’t really feel like talking about it. Despite how nice Daryl was, that time in her life was horrible and Lou wanted to forget about it, forget everything.

“ Really ? Daryl talked ? Like … with words and all ? Actually talked ? Hmm … strange. How do I not know you guys hung out ? ”

“ Well you weren’t there. ” It came out harsher than Lou wanted. She really didn’t hold a grudge against her sister, not anymore. Elsa didn’t know and making her feel guilty about what happened wouldn’t change things either.

“ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. ”

“ No it’s okay, I deserved that. ” A silence settled upon the sisters and for once it wasn’t comfortable, it was awkward as hell.

“ Listen Lou I — ”

Elsa’s words were cut off by Molly placing their food and drinks on the table. “ Here you go girls, hope it’s still as good as it was all those years ago.”

“ I’m sure it’s delicious.” Lou replied, granting the woman a soft smile.

“ Let’s hope you’re right. Call me if you guys need anything else.”

Lou tried to focus on her food for a while, hoping her sister would forget whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

“ Lou, I know you don’t wanna talk but there is something important I need to discuss with you.”

Of course Elsa wouldn’t just drop it. She was always a very straight forward person. She was of the “rip off the Band-Aid fast and quick” type, while Lou was more of the “let’s just wait until the Band-Aid falls off by itself” kinda person.

“ Okay, I have a feeling I might not like where this is going. ”

She knew that whatever it was her sister wanted to talk about, it really couldn’t be anything bad. She knew Elsa loved her and that all she would do was with good intentions. And yet, the mere thought of having to talk about her feelings, made her cringe.

“ With dad being gone, the house is empty. I talked to his lawyer the other day and apparently the house is now mine. I have my life in Atlanta though. I have a job there and I am kind of seeing someone. I can’t leave. You though … you could make it a home for yourself and Michael.”

Moving back to the town she grew up in, was never something Lou had considered. This town was filled with bad memories. Her childhood wasn’t bad, her teenage years though, those were horrible. To be fair, it wasn’t that town that made those years so bad, it was the people, her dad.

“ Elsa, I don’t that’s a good idea. It’s his house, why would I wanna live there. Bad memories all around.”

“ But that’s where you’re wrong. It wasn’t his house. Never. It was mom’s. She chose the wallpapers and furniture and which flowers to plant in the garden. Mom loved this house and I would hate if I had to sell it. ”

They hadn’t talked about their mother in a long time. Quite honestly, they hardly ever talked about her. It would open wounds that never really healed. Her death was still a sore topic for both girls.

Lou could still remember he funeral like it was yesterday. It was so different to her dad’s that happened earlier today. She had actually felt sad. A kind of sadness no one could ever really put into words. It was the all consuming, heart shattering, throat tightening kind of sadness. 

Lou was 13 years old, barely a teenager, and yet she had to face the harsh reality of things. Bad things happen to good people, the best people. Her mom was an angel, she was sure about that. She was wonderful and polite and beautiful and more. She was the kind of woman people wrote entire books about. She was the heart of the family, adored by her husband and children. 

And then one day she was dead. Drunk driver. Hit and run. They didn’t get a warning or time to prepare themselves for it. She was there one day and the next she wasn’t. But that was years ago and the girls had learned to push that chapter of their lives to the far back corner of their mind.

“ Okay that might be true but I have a life in Jacksonville. I have a house and friends and a family, what makes you think I can just up and leave it all behind to move back to Colton Creek ? Just like that. ”

“ Maybe the fact that your husband died 7 months ago and you’re all alone with his stuck up mother and good for nothing sister and all you get is pity and fake smiles and you completely hate the life that you have in Jacksonville, now that he’s gone.”

There it was. The bright pink elephant in the room that everyone saw but no one dared to acknowledge. This chapter of their life, Lou hadn’t managed to just push to the back of her head. Never would be able to.

Dead is easy for the dying because there is an end to their suffering eventually. Not the living. The people left behind have to keep living in a world without their loved ones. There’s no emergency exit out of grief. You can’t just switch it on and off. It either gets better or it doesn’t but you can’t do shit about it.

Lou, though she knew it was the worst way she could possibly deal with her grief, liked to hide. She liked to bottle it all up inside and keep it from everyone around her. Can’t show the world you’re weak, vulnerable, they will use it against you and hit you when you’re down.

So the conversation about her husband—her dead husband, was something she strictly tried to avoid. Something she wasn’t ready for, would probably never be ready for.

“ I’m fine Elsa. It’s been 7 months. I am okay, I’ve got Michael and we have other things to worry about. Life goes on. ”

Life goes on but it’s not the same. It’s never the same. Maybe it was all on her, Lou thought. The body count was quite high for one person. Dead mother, dead father, dead husband. Maybe she was a bad luck charm.

“ 7 months isn’t much Lou. You had Michael right after it happened you didn’t have time to grief. You had to be strong, had to be a mom. If you moved here things would be easier. I am just a short drive away. I could always help you out with the little one. You wouldn’t have to live with the monster in law anymore. You’d be free. ”

That sounded good, in theory. Though the girl that left this town 10 years ago wasn’t the woman that came back today. She had hoped to never ever return, never have to face her past again.

“ I don’t know Elsa, this town— there’s so many bad memories. I’m not sure if I want to go back to that life.”

“ But you wouldn’t be going back. Think about it differently Lou. You ain’t going back, you’re starting again. It’s not back to your old life, it’s the start of a new one.”

And maybe that’s what she needed. A new start. A new life.

Lou’s eyes moved across the room, taking in the familiar home. There was the same old beat up couch that used to be burgundy red once but was now more of a dirty brown.

The kitchen tiles were still the same obnoxiously bright blue that her mom had picked out because it “made her happy” as she always used to tell her girls. And there in the corner of the old fridge, just where it’s always been, was a sticker of Cinderella Lou had stuck there when she was about 5 years old.

She traced her fingers across the wall where her mom used to mark her and her sister’s height and she still remembered so vividly how her mom always made a big deal out of it when one of them had grown enough for there to be another mark and how dad always used to pick her up and pretend she was getting too heavy for him. Back then all was different, all was good.

“ So ? What do you say ? You want the house ? ” Elsa approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Lou had never wanted to come back. Never. But this wasn’t about her anymore. It was about Michael. Florida had never really felt like home to her, this house though had been a home for her for so long before everything  went to shit. Maybe she could make it a home for her son. That’s what he deserved, that’s what she wanted to give to him. A nice house with his own room and maybe sometime down the road a swing set in the garden.

They could take walks in the forest and along the creek and eat great apple pancakes at the diner every Sunday once Mikey was older.

Sometimes you gotta take a risk. When life kicks your ass you gotta get back up and take a step forward even if you don’t know where exactly the path will lead you.

“ What do you think Mikey, you like it here ? ” Lou exclaimed and looked down at the little boy cuddled into her arms.

Noticing her mom’s attention resting solely on him, Michael let out a string of mumbled baby noises that didn’t mean anything to most people but were magic to his mother’s ears.

“ I think that was a yes. ”

“ So you’re moving back ? ” Elsa asked, twitching with excitement and bouncing from one foot to the other.

“ Yeah, yeah we are. ”

Lou’s heart felt heavy with both excitement and fear. Moving back would be a challenge, she’d have to fear the  ghosts of her past and maybe this would all turn out a huge disaster. There was a chance though, a chance that she’d make it out stronger and get her life back on track for her and for her son.