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@headfirstslideintothetrash

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me after getting kicked off an overbooked delta flightÂ
me as a dad
me: *forgets friends birthdays*
me: *confuses memories*
me: *forgets own middle name*
me, also: hey did you know that all pennies minted prior to 1982 are pure copper pennies and not copper plated and are technically actually worth 2 cents

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Original lyrics from Tylerâs hand writing.
// isle of flightless birds
Pete: Hi
Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3â4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie Ă deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
Me at the club
âi would like your most expensive $5 drink pleaseâ
Why seriously tell people to kill themselves when âdeactivate your accountâ is 1000x funnier and 1000x less shitty?
unplug your controller dawg
forfeit my buddy

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This is like installing Windows on a Mac.
I am physically required to reblog this or my heart will stop beating.
oh my god
My Chemical Romance â SleepÂ
The time I ruined my high school teachers career and got her fired in the greatest way possible.
This story is widely known amongst my family and is constantly brought up and joked upon in my group of friends even years later. A buddy of mine suggested that this is the perfect place to make it public so letâs get into this shit storm.
Backstory: I was a senior in high school at the time and i had never been the brightest student. I was a solid C student and i had never received a detention or had any kind of bad student record. This is important because to this day, i still have no idea why the teacher treated me this way. The teacher, who we will name Mrs. Frank, had been a teacher there for more then a decade and was widely known for being a petty heartless bitch who the administrators saw as the golden child.
Mrs. Frank taught algebra, which is my worst subject, so naturally i had issues understanding the lessons and would ask questions frequently. To some these questions are easily answered but to me it was rocket science.
Usually when someone asks a dumb question, no one should address it however in Mrs. Franks case she would belittle me in front of everyone by saying things such as âAnd here comes the slow boy againâ , âwow surprise surprise you donât understand it againâ âReally? We have to go extra slow for you today donât weâ etcâŚetc.
I tried going to the administration about it before but again she was considered the golden child. They would send someone in to examine her during class, she would act respectful and normal for one day, and go back to being a bitch the next.
This goes on for about half the year until i had enough. I went to the local radioshack, bought a recorder, and secretly recorded every insult she would throw at me. I would sometimes instigate to make up for the lost time.
Go ahead feed the fire.
Fast forward to the end of the year and im sitting in Mrs. Franks class when i ask a question. Her response, and i quote (because itâs burned into my brain) was-
âIâve been teaching here for over 10 years and that was the single dumbest question Iâve ever heard come from anyoneâs mouth.â
She continued the lesson without answering. I calmly stood up, packed up my stuff, and headed to the nurses office to dismiss myself from school. (We were allowed to dismiss ourself if we were 18.)
I went home, compiled all of the brutal tapes into one glorious masterpiece of insults, and headed back the next day to show the administrators. I sat down with the principal and we listened to a couple of the insults before he stopped me. He wanted more witnesses present as well as Mrs. Franks. He told me we would meet the next day where i could show him and the rest of the administrators the full tape.
I walk into school the next morning being the most nervous iv ever been for anything. I was called down to the office where i met with some board directors, the local school police officer, the principal, the vice principal and Mrs. Franks.
What follows was some of the greatest minutes of my life.
I watched as the administrators went from fed up with being in another useless meeting, to furious and speechless with some of them keeping their mouths open for the duration of the tape. I also watched Mrs. Frank go from confident and stuck up, to her realizing that she had f*cked up beyond repair.
She was publicly roasting herself in front of the most important people from the district.
The tape ended and without hesitation, the administrators looked around in astonishment and the principal turns to me and says âI think we have heard everything we need to, thank you.â And i was quietly dismissed from the room.
The final time i saw Mrs. Frank was leaving the room. I looked back and we made eye contact through her tear filled eyes as i gave the biggest most evil smile.
I returned to class the next week and Mrs. Frank was no where to be found. The story spread quickly throughout the school and i was seen as a saint. I had successfully gotten her fired and made it almost impossible for Mrs. Frank to return to her teaching career as well as cut off most of her connections she had with other teachers in the school. I had ruined her financially because no school district in the area would hire this walking piece of garbage.
If youâre reading this Mrs. Frank id like to take this moment to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
oh gos h
Wow i cant believe it thats litteraly my helper teacher in elementry school who went out of her way to insult me for everything i did and didnt do Except everyone loved her, and i could never get revenge
This seems improbable, but I want to believe.

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Asshole Cats Being Shamed For Their Crimes.
sorry this is so much better than the dog oneÂ
I lost it at: I peed on the hamster
I just got this email from my psych prof