Hazelleaf榛葉

What did Shelby do?

Besides make personal stuff public to destroy one person, and then not give a fuck about the collateral damage?

Beyond harming Wilbur, which some would argue was justified (and I don’t care where you fall on this), her choice had far-reaching effects.

Her choice caused immeasurable harm to the mental health of thousands,

broke friendships between teenagers,

broke fandoms,

broke Lovejoy’s future,

broke up Sorry Boys,

broke at least a dozen CC friendships,

broke the legacy of the DSMP…

(I’ll stop)

———

There’s been an impulse those of us who support Wilbur to point out and find evidence that Shubble is not an angel. People have cited things about her making prior allegations against others and examples of bad behavior. Honestly — I don’t gaf, and never have. I think it’s whataboutism and a waste of energy. If you look hard enough you’ll find whatever it is you’re looking for. I don’t care if she’s an angel or a devil or has made mistakes. I don’t care if she’s done anything to hurt anyone.

What I care about is that she didn’t care a fucking bit about what she caused. I care about the fact that she mistook her personal grievances as more important than the mental health and therapy bills of all of these fucking people. I care that she thought her right to publicly air her truth somehow absolved her of moral responsibility for the out-sized, protracted fallout.

Wilbur’s fandom and the DSMP fandom was not about William Gold. It was about teens and preteens and people who loved it all. It’s was about the community and joy that surrounded it. It was about story telling and music. It was a basis for countless friendships across the world. Despite the celebrity crushes and the mania— it ceased to be about him, about the actual man, years ago.

But sure babe, talk about how he didn’t pay for your cat sitter and didn’t use laundry soap. The mixing of petty gossip with real issues was immature bullshit.

She knew — she knows — she was a thirty-year-old sharing adult issues with an audience comprised mostly of minors. She fucking knew and didn’t care.

How could she expect teenagers to grasp the complexity of what she shared? How could she possibly expect them to understand the concepts she presented— safe words, cumulative harm, unhealthy relationship dynamics and communication failures, negotiated boundaries, (dare I say kink), the murkiness of having consented, where blame lies when pain is masked, and the deterioration of respect within a dying relationship?

And then— how could she stomach it when they reduced all of those complicated things into the mismatched chorus of “Brighton biter” and “abuser”?

When she described the biting, it predictably became a punchline. She said it was consensual and tried to explain that the hurt was the issue, not the act of biting. How on earth did she expect young fans to understand that important difference?

Sharing unique behaviors and desires with intimate partners is totally normal in adult relationships. It requires trust and vulnerability.

Instead of teaching them to speak up for their needs, she taught them to ridicule. She taught them that revealing and sharing their quirks, kinks, and desires exposes them to risk of public shaming. She taught them to tease, ostracize, and hide.

What did Shelby do? She didn’t fucking get it, that’s what. And later, when she saw the effects, she could have stepped in and mitigated it but she didn’t GAF.

I’m still angry— only because the reputations and harm and bullshit fans face just for liking an awesome band are still a thing.

Might need to delete this later. I’m well aware that it’s years past time for me to let this go. (But I’m still here, I’m not leaving.)