HazardousLiquids

i hope my blog feels like you’re walking through a really well-curated museum except there’s this guy next to you who’s talking on the phone and saying really insane things and you just have to deal with that

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

Chat, is it considered “abusive roommate behavior” to release a raccoon into the living space after you have asked your roommate for months to please clean up their messes (they do not pay any of the mortgage)

men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”

it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”

okay, i hate men

what if on Taskmaster one of the contestants died in the middle of filming a task but after doing enough of the task for it to be deemed complete so since there was nothing in the rules to say you had to be alive throughout they allowed it. & then all the other contestants bombed so badly that the dead person won the task and in the studio Greg was there like 'wow you all managed to do worse than Christine and she was dead for most of it'

they don't sub in a replacement contestant for the studio shows so one of the chairs is just empty and sometimes when contestants are arguing their case on something they're like 'I think if Christine was still with us she'd take my side' and Greg would be like 'for fuck's sake stop bringing up Christine'

also everyone (Greg included) would dunk on Alex for 'killing Christine' with the task and Alex would keep nervously laughing it off and be like 'legally speaking we weren't responsible for what happened to Christine'

the interstitials for the season occasionally feature randomly inserted shots of Christine's lifeless body lying on the ground

obviously it would already have been announced that Christine died filming Taskmaster but during the show they wouldn't say which task it happened in so every time there's a Christine segment it'd be like is this the one where she died 🤔 let's watch and find out

Girl with horrible sense of humor and a 5 minute memory x Girl with horrible sense of humor and a 5 minute memory

Girl with horrible sense of humor and 5 minute memory²

Are you simplifying my joke?

Happy 4th of July from Lisa Simpson!!! 👏 👏 👏

so you’re telling me that “stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni” would be like saying “wrote a G on his belt and called it gucci”

that’s…a pretty good analogy actually

Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America

Happy fourth to those who celebrate