golden days

Good girl. You’re starting to learn, I’m proud of ya. It’s catchy isn’t it? I was actually considering making that the tagline for my next book. …How am I supposed to know all these things? We’ve only fucked twice. Anyways, his name is Lucas, and he’s new in the building. I think he’s from some cow town in Iowa. And we’re not officially dating, but we’re dating, I think. If it’s going to make me a boring monogamist then you can blame Arthur for it. And sorry, but I’m not leaving just yet. I know how sad you’d be if I did, sis. Can’t do that to you.

Well, I’m glad someone is. It is catchy. You should also add fresh nudes for fresh dudes. But I expect a 70/30 cut of the profits if you do. I don’t know. Guess I’ll have to ask this kid these things myself. So he’s not dating his roommate? Interesting... That sounds promising. You actually like this guy, right? You aren’t leading him on? If this is legit then I’ll thank Arthur because this means my body count will be higher than yours. How noble of you.

Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. However, I’m sure you’ll find another dork that’s willing to pay for your stuff. But maybe this time check if he’s worth investing time in first. If he’s not a good lay, then there’s no point in having him stay. Sadly, I’m not. It’s not official yet, but very close. I’m not exactly sure how I got myself into it, but I felt the need to prove a point. Admitedly it’s pretty gross, but eh. at least the guy is hot. 

Yeah, okay, dad. Next time I’ll be sure to write a checklist while I pregame. Was that supposed to rhyme? Because it has potential to be the Harper family motto.  I need more details than that. What’s his name, birthday, social security number, mother’s maiden name, etc. How did this happen? Is it an open relationship? Or are you moving in with him to begin your boring life of monogamy? 

Do what? Play the overprotective brother? Please.. It’s really not that difficult to reject someone, sis. I’m sure he gets that all the time if he’s as vanilla as you say he is. Fine, then tell him his dick is too small, that one’s always a nice blow to a guy’s ego, and probably enough for the socially awkward penguin to leave you alone. Or the it’s not you, it’s me speech, and then tell him you’re a lesbian so he doesn’t feel bad about himself, if that’s a concern you have. Well, in that case, it’s a hard pass. Besides, I just realized that I might actually be dating someone currently. Yikes.

Well, it’s never been this hard to get rid of someone. Fine, I’ll just ruin his ego and he’ll never have sex again. It’s too bad because maybe he’ll meet someone as boring as him. It’s also too bad because I won’t be getting free breakfast in the morning anymore, but oh, well. It comes with the territory. You’re joking, right? You know better than anyone that sex doesn’t equate to dating.

You could tell him about all your bizarre kinks, though that might just get him into you even more. I dunno, sis, maybe an in depth conversation about your menstrual cycle? Or just tell him to fuck off, plain and simple. Some dudes don’t understand what subtle means, and you just gotta spell it out for them.  Sending him over to my room is also an option, depending on how hot he is, of course.

I doubt it, he was pretty vanilla. He kept talking about how much of a nice guy he is. He even asked if it was okay to take off my pants. If a grown man can’t handle a conversation about anyone’s menstrual cycle, then he shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone. Why can’t you just do it for me since you’re filled with all these great ideas? Plus you can decide if he’s cute enough for you and you can teach him how not to be so vanilla because I don’t have the patience to deal with it.