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https://vm.tiktok.com/KHPe5f/

Our first TikTok ever, literally will never top it. I peaked on our first post 😂🤣

I just am deeply hurt and sad due to my adopted mothers inability to love me to the point of me removing myself and my two children from the family. I kinda need to vent, I apologize in advance because it’s gonna be a novel...

Growing up I was never treated the same as my brothers, all older, all biologically my mother and fathers. My mother wanted a daughter so badly, which is when I came into the picture. I had different rules, more strict, I wasn’t allowed to do things like stay up and watch/finish family movies on holidays. I remember sitting on the stairs hiding where I could see the rest of my family together and try to see the movie. I wasn’t allowed certain foods because my mother insisted they affected my behavior, though when away from her at camps or with my favorite uncle and aunt I would consume such foods and be fine. That same uncle and aunt would speak out against my mothers treatment of me, I’m not sure if it was ever directly to my parents. But they would tell me they saw it and i wasn’t deserving of it, I deeply love them and appreciate them for treating me with kindness and love and I think it drove my mother crazy how much I loved them, and when I was 12 my parents stopped talking to that side of the family. I personally think in part because of that. Since becoming an adult I had my mothers own cousins and aunts tell me they didn’t think she ever treated me fairly. Her justification was it was because of me, my behavior, I had to be treated differently. Once she told me when I was an infant (they got me Dec 26, 1985 when I was 3.5 months old) I wouldn’t look at her but I would look at everyone else, and she held it against me and resented me for it. When I was 7 I began what I could only describe as an illustrious run of therapy, talk, behavioral, cognitive with wires glued to my head, medication after medication, a natural specialist who would “prescribe” me about 6-10 supplements in the morning and 6-10 at night. My entire life was me being a bad investment. In my long email to my parents imploring for her to treat me and my children with more respect a portion of what I wrote:

“Lastly, I don’t want this, I never did. That being said. Without an apology and without a commitment to better treatment of myself and my children we will remain apart from the family for any future occasions or holidays. I understand all the hours and days and weeks and years you have invested in me. This is what I feel like and always have is a failed investment. I’m supposed to grovel for all of the help and support given to me, because I was always the problem child, the broken one. I understand the stress, I understand the ferocity of your advocacy for my health and wellbeing. It is not lost on me. It can’t be, I’m never to forget how grateful I am to be to you, for doing your job. One you signed up for, willingly able body able minds to be my parents. It just seems like you spent so much time fighting for me that you don’t seem to even come close to knowing me. You don’t know what I’m capable of, you don’t know how smart I am, you don’t know anything about me. Because the way you treat me is like an invalid. I will not allow my children to feel this from you. I will not accept this any longer. I am not a child. I will not be treated like one, and poorly I might add. You fought and fought not even understanding what I needed. I needed respect and fair treatment, someone I felt I could talk to, someone who I needed to explained why. I needed things to make sense. My entire childhood I didn’t understand why. I just needed things to make sense. That’s what I remember from growing up. Alone. Confused. Unheard. Unwanted. I at 33 years of age finally feel like I am able to start to embrace who I am someone I’ve been deeply ashamed of my entire life. And one of those root causes of me feeling that way was how I was made to feel about myself. I lose my temper at the kids often. I yell. I swear. I ground them. But at the end of every single adult tantrum I have toward them I ask if they understand why I lost my temper. I have conversations with them about how their behavior will eventually be habit and eventually be who they are. I explain I care so so much about how they turn out, I get upset I get worried and I lose my temper. I apologize to them for yelling and we say we love each other we give hugs and kisses. My children do not want for any of the answers to all of their whys. Because I couldn’t ever live with myself if I let them go to bed one single night feeling how I did the majority of my life. I refuse to treat them like they are stupid. I treat them with all of the respect I didn’t get and still don’t. I by no means am saying you were terrible parents. As I stated, I’m well aware of everything you’ve done for me. But with no respect toward me, it sure is incredibly difficult to feel grateful.

Please consider what I’ve brought to the table. Consider the consequences I’m willing for all of us to suffer. Something needs to change and it’s not me and it’s not my children. You’ve taught me well by example when family doesn’t treat you right, it’s completely acceptable to abandon family. Just like you did December 27th to me.

Let me know which route you’d like to proceed with. I genuinely hope it’s not the one that my kids and I lose our family. But my first priority will be and always will be protecting them and myself.”

(Back story my mother was supposed to watch my kids on winter vacation so I could go to work. She offered I accepted. She did a few things immediately bulldozing her way into my home and upset my son and my children were going to my ex’s and he got an extra day bc of New Years so I wouldn’t see them til Tuesday the 1st, I didn’t find it acceptable that because she didn’t care if she upset my kids, that my last minutes with them would be with my eldest upset. I told her she can’t do that, and she left calling me abusive. This is a newly acquired position and not one I’m willing to risk because she’s a petty narcissist.)

Her reply stated I’ve said things like this before and she doesn’t want messages like the one I emailed again, and proceeded to then completely disregard any and all things I addressed. My reply to that was I see you’ve made your choice, that it broke my heart and to not expect to see me or my children at any future family functions.

It sucks. It sucks that I have this family I don’t know, it sucks I was put in a home that didn’t accept me, that didn’t treat me the same level of kindness as the other members, that I was made to feel broken and like I couldn’t ever succeed at anything, I felt unwanted, alone, and from a very young age so deeply sad I would sob myself to sleep asking God why I had to live, why He put me in such a hard life. It all sucks. I feel as though I have been robbed of two families. I feel alone in the world. And I feel like no one could understand. A lifetime of pain at the hands of those who should love me and protect me from what they caused me. But today I said no more. And I feel like an orphan again.