i remember coming across wmyb on youtube during christmas break in 2011 at 13 right before they blew up in the US, begging my parents to let me go see them open for big time rush in 2012, finally seeing them on tmh tour in 2013. i lived and breathed one direction, like many of us did. i would get made fun of in school for being obsessed with them and did not care. they were there when i hated everything about myself, when i hated my life, and i refused to let a couple classmates from school take that away from me. my mom made me 1D t-shirts and pillowcases. i had 1D bracelets, cups, headphones, guitar picks. their posters plastered on my wall. i would spend hours writing fanfics, imagines, and prefs about these boys, designing outfits on polyvore for outings with each guy.
unfortunately, i fell out of my one direction obsession on a notable day, the day zayn left. to me, it couldn't be 1D without all five of them. i knew they weren't gonna last much longer as a band, so i cut my losses as quick as i could. i didn't even attempt to listen to made in the am. to this day i only know the songs that got radio play from the album.
i wish i would've held on a little longer, because this truly feels like the end of an age. liam's death has cemented the end of childhood for me, and i don't know how i feel about that. i've been watching videos i took from the concert and ones i made in my bedroom with all of my one direction posters in the background. i wish i could go back to this time, with no worries except homework and when the next chapter of a fanfic i was reading would be uploaded to wattpad.
sending so much love to liam's family and friends, the other boys, and of course my fellow fans. i never really made any online friends in the fandom, but i love you guys like family. <3
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theartofmadeline
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