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Laura: Hello everybody! My name is Laura Freigang, the person to my right you should all know already. We are going to play Stadt, Land, Fluss but without the Land or the Fluss, and instead we have a bunch of different categories–that I didn’t come up with–

Poppi: Neither did I–

Laura: that I’m just going to read to you. They are: City – reason to get fired – cause of death – I’m already laughing, inappropriate – bad purchase – unpopular opinion – Poppi is going to explain that one further – bad excuse, and occupation.

And now you are going to count internally–not count… make letters… and I’ll say stop.

Poppi: They call it the alphabet.

Laura: What she said. Alright.

Poppi: Aaaah.

Laura: Stop.

Poppi: F.

Crap.

Laura: You’re–

Poppi: I’m not doing great.

Laura: There is only one city. Starting with an F.

Poppi: Freiburg.

Laura: Frankfurt!! You’re wrong! Zero points!

Poppi: What? Of course!

Laura: Reason to get fired?

Poppi: Farting.

Laura: Same. What the hell?

Poppi: Are you kidding me!

Laura: Cause of death?

Poppi: I wrote flitting.

Laura: Falling. From a great height?

Dfb: You can die from flitting or from falling.

Laura: Sure, it’s far fetched but I’ll gladly give you the 10 points.

Poppi: So is falling.

Laura: Falling? Do you know how many people die falling? How many die flitting? What even is flitting?

Poppi: Running very fast.

Laura: True, okay. Bad investment?

Poppi: I have nothing.

Laura: Flamingoes, I don’t have the space for those at all.

Poppi: Oh my god, flam–

Laura: What do I want with them? What do I want with flamingoes?

Poppi: It’s quite far-fetched, but okay.

Laura: Do I get 15 points if she wrote nothing?

Dfb: 20 even.

Laura: 20?!

Poppi: What? Calm down.

Dfb: Let’s make it 15.

Laura: 15, okay, 15.

Unpopular opinion?

Poppi: Football.

Laura: Football isn’t for chicks… but wait, that’s a popular opinion, isn’t it? Shit. Do I get points anyway?

Dfb: Yes.

Poppi: What?!

Laura: Did you put something?

Poppi: I wrote football!

Laura: Football?! ‘What’s your opinion on the topic?’ ‘Well, football.’

Poppi: Now they’re making me write full sentences.

Laura: I’m giving myself 15. Bad excuse?

Poppi: I’m not getting anything or what? I see how it is. I don’t have an excuse either. I’m always honest, I don’t need excuses. Laura: I saw a fata morgana.

Poppi: A fata morgana?

Laura: Yes, I was on my way to practice when suddenly–and then I had to go check it out. I’ll take another 15 for that.

Poppi: Amazing. How much bullshit can one person think of?!

Laura: Did I win or did I win?

Occupation?

Poppi: Freelancer.

Laura: Ferret keeper.

Poppi: No no, that’s called a zookeeper!

Laura: Surely you had a special person in charge of the ferrets!

Poppi: No! Also, you keep saying it like ferreds. They’re called ferrets!

Laura: Well…at least I wrote something down!

Poppi: You even spelled it with a D! Ferreds! Amazing, Laura, I love it!

Laura: Don’t expose me like that!

Poppi: Sorry but that’s just too good.

Laura: So I’m not getting any points for that?

Poppi: No chance!

Dfb: No, Alex gets 15.

Poppi: Otherwise I could just write down anything.

Laura: At least I put something.

Let’s add it all up later. Zero points, dear lord.

Is it my turn to count to–count to Z now? Say the alphabet?

Aah.

Poppi: Stop.

Laura: P.

Poppi: Man, I have zero creativity right now. So bad!

Laura: There she is! Okay, I wrote a lot!

Poppi: I wrote just about nothing.

Laura: City?

Poppi: Poppenhausen.

Laura: Why did I think of that and thankfully didn’t write it down? Is it a real place?

Poppi: It’s real.

Laura: Of course you know about the existence of a place called POPPenhausen. It’s not named after you though, is it?

Poppi: No.

Laura: Okay. Potsdam. Almost as famous. That’s 10 points.

Reason to get fired?

Poppi: Picking your nose.

Laura: That’s actually good–stinky lunch. Don’t ask me.

Poppi: Stinky lunch?!

Laura: If you show up every day with something that stinks of cheese–

Poppi: Or salami?

Laura: Yeah. I don’t know. Do I get points?

Poppi: Yeah. You can just make shit up here.

Laura: That’s the whole point.

Cause of death?

Poppi: Don’t have one. I can’t do this like–

Laura: Laceration, in parentheses: deep.

Poppi: I would be dead fifteen times over if that was the case.

Laura: It’s a very, very, very, very, very deep laceration.

Poppi: I’ve died fifteen times over!

Laura: A really deep laceration!

Bad purchase?

Poppi: Pumps.

Laura: Peter Maffay album. It’s not my kind of music!

Poppi: Wow, Laura.

Laura: Don’t ask me. I think my dad had a record of his.

Poppi: I have nothing! You?

Laura: Puffing is cool. Like on a cigarette. It’s not cool is it? See, I’m right. It’s not my opinion! I wrote down something with a P, that’s the gist of it.

Poppi: I didn’t.

Laura: Excuse?

Poppi: Don’t have that either. Like I said, I’m always honest. I don’t need excuses.

Laura: Daddy said no. It’s a valid excuse.

Poppi: Yeah, not bad.

Laura: Last one?

Poppi: Occupation: physio.

Laura: Greenkeeper. It’s obvious what we do, huh?

Poppi: Yeah!

Laura: ‘Kay! Last one!

Poppi: Oh, another turn. Nice.

Laura: Do you wanna start again?

Poppi: We are so excited for round three.

Dfb: Laura is.

Laura: I’m having so much fun.

Poppi (suffering): Aah.

Laura: Oh, you said A. Okay, stop!

Poppi: K.

Laura: That took a while. Okay.

Poppi: City?

Laura: Krefeld.

Poppi: Karlsruhe.

Laura: Easy.

Reason to get fired?

Poppi: Pooping.

I know you wrote 'smoking weed'.

Laura: I wrote smoking weed.

Poppi: See?! You were already thinking of smoking there.

Laura: If I were to smoke weed in here, and you were to poop, which would be worse?

Poppi: Both.

Laura: Alright.

10 points. Cause of death?

Poppi: Puke. When you choke on it.

Laura: Crater. I was thinking about a volcano that erupts and then lava gets everywhere…

Poppi: Excuse me?!

Dfb: That is too convoluted.

Laura: You could fall into a crater.

Dfb: You should have written that down then.

Laura: Okay, no points for me. I see how it is.

Poppi: Does that mean I get 15? Wow, 15 points! Woowoowoo!

Laura: Let’s see: bad purchase?

Poppi: A cat. I’m a dog owner.

Laura: Hm. I see. Yeah. I have smokes. Cigarettes. Not a good investment in my field of work.

Poppi: I have nothing.

Laura: Kisses must be wet is my unpopular opinion.

Poppi: Good one!

Laura: Right?

If someone said that to me I would be like 'Eh, I don’t know about that.'

Excuse?

Poppi: Cat ate my homework.

Laura: But you don’t have a cat.

Poppi: So?

Laura: Fine. Mine isn’t any better: Sewer cleaning. I was driving down the highway, and all of a sudden…

Poppi: You were late because they were cleaning the sewers. I see.

Laura: Occupation?

Poppi: Creative manager.

Laura: Wow! Cow keeper. /-ess.

Poppi: They also call those “farmers”.

Laura: That’s an alternative term for it. Some say cow keeper, some say farmer, it depends.

Alright, now we have to add up our points.

Dfb: I’m not a mathematician, but I can imagine what the result will be.

Poppi: Don’t say it. Please don’t say it!

Laura: I won.

Poppi: Congratulations.

Laura: Thank you!