I Need Help…

“I love you.”

Those words anyone would’ve loved to hear, the words that I myself basked in, seemed to be nothing but poison to me when spoken by your lips.

Why would you say such a thing? To curse me? To burden me with the guilt of my past wrongdoings?

Ever since that day I plunged the rod into your chest, images of your countenance would not leave my mind.

Even when you are locked away, it seems as though I can never rid of you.

At that point, I couldn’t help but question our relationship.

Did you truly love me?

Why?

Since when?

Even when I only ever hurt you?

…Would you still love me?

And as my unanswered questions multiplied by day, my thoughts began to get consumed by you.

Whenever I woke up in the morning, whenever I saw something that mildly resembled you, whenever I tried to sleep at night, all my thoughts were about you.

I wished you’d go away.

Sometimes you’d be crying, looking at me with such sorrow that I can’t comprehend.

But the most I dread is when you’re bloodied, and your eyes reflect the emptiness of your soul.

For even the small thought of you was a ever continuing reminder of the sins I have committed against you.

As time went on, though, I prayed you would stay. I feared that if even your ghost disappeared, that I may truly forget your face.

I don’t know why.

You were the sole being that tainted and destroyed the life that I create, and for that I vowed to hate you for the rest of my being.

I thought for sure, once I have detained and brought you down, that I’d be free from this disgusting hatred in my chest.

So why is it that my life feels more desolate with you gone?

Did I even hate you in the first place?

You didn’t even do anything to buy my hate.

I’m sorry…for every harsh word I said, for every rude action, for everything.

So please…

In the beginning, everything was dark; it was utterly dreadful in the abyss. I don’t know how I survived, but at the end of it all was the brightest light I’ve ever seen.

It made me feel as if all my efforts were worth it.

And you were there to greet me the moment I scrambled out of the absolute darkness of the abyss, standing in all your glory.

It was love at first sight.

Everything from your bright smile. Your unconditional love for your creations. Everything about you was just so admirable to me.

I couldn't help but fall in love with you.

But you didn't love me.

It was expected. How could anyone ever love someone like me?

Even so, when I had laid down all my expectations, the pain of my love was unavoidable.

No matter how many times I’ve come faced with reality, my heart couldn’t stop.

Even as I lay here, in the darkness that I so feared, as a mere shell of who I used to be, my heart can only yearn to see your face again.

Even with each hateful word you'd say, every enraged glare you'd send...Even as you detained me, stabbed me with rods and stripped me of my power and title, even when you declared me a monster to the entirety of the world, even when I could feel my heart break, my love for you would not end.

It was as if I was born solely to love you; my love for you wouldn't falter even as you crushed my heart to nothing but fragments of what it used to be.

Why was it that even when you only burdened me with more scars...Why could I not hate you?

Perhaps it was because I knew you too well, and you knew me too little.

After all, how could I possibly hate you, who so dearly cares for your loved ones? How could I possibly hate you, when all you do is for the best of your creations?

Perhaps, all the sin was on me in the first place.

How could I, one so evil and hideous, dare to covet such a wonderful, divine being?

Even your hatred is too good for me.

You may hate me for eternity, you may hurt me for eons, but my heart will forever lie with you.

So please...I beg of you.