It Sounded Better In My Head.

hello friends, i’ve not opened this app for ages but i have been in hospital for 3 days post-surgery and i am Bored, it’s worried me how quickly i’ve become comfortable wandering around in a dodgy gown looking an absolute mess because i’m not allowed to properly shower/wash my hair yet, i’m starving all the time because the hospital seems to think giving me tiny amounts of soft food (soup, porridge and mash) is what’s going to make my insides start working again when i’m sure i could tolerate some vegetables at this point, i no longer have a catheter and they’ve taken my fentanyl button off me (we had a good run) so i’m praying i’m discharged today but my BP was low overnight so idk what the doctor’s going to say, but i am so desperate for my own bed i’ll probably cry when i finally see it again!!!

i thought living on a high floor of a new build would mean i was fairly safe from spiders but i’m home alone until monday and can’t go in my room because a huge one just ran up from my pillows, past my head then taunted me by waving its legs at me from behind my headboard before running behind it, i may never sleep in there again actually

hypothetically* what do you do when you discover the guy you were sleeping with on and off for years, who you luckily haven’t actually seen for a long long time but who still regularly texts asking if you’re free despite the fact you haven’t responded in months, the last time being 3 weeks (Three Weeks) ago, got married last weekend to the woman he told you he broke up with three years ago, and also he possibly has a baby with her because he’s just listed a car seat for sale on fb marketplace…

i’ve just learned how poor my survival instincts are because i somehow started a fire in the oven while baking cookies, then set fire to the tea towel i was holding while getting the tray out, and i spent a good 30 seconds trying to blow it out (e.g spreading embers over my kitchen, onto myself and making everything worse) before remembering i have a sink and that water famously puts out fires

the tube station i use for work has a bookcase for leaving/taking books which i used nearly every day and this afternoon it was closed off with a sign saying they’ve closed all book exchanges across the london underground due to regulations from the fire brigade, they really said the people of england are not allowed anything wholesome or anything free ffs

i’ve always gotten emails for a mystery woman with the same name as me who lives in america, it stops for a while then i get a random one and today it’s a wedding invite for a couple i’ve never heard of but the wedding is in manhattan! now the question is do i live out a rom com moment, book a flight to new york and quietly crash a wedding, or be normal and simply say ‘sorry you have the wrong email!’

someone posted a photo of a tarantula on the pavement on our local group asking if someone lost their pet and i am a bit sad because it will be lost and cold but also it’s right near the station and if i see a tarantula on my way to work tomorrow i will absolutely pass away

the dreaded moment when someone puts ‘are we dressed up or casual?’ in the girls group chat 45 mins before a meal in your hometown and people start replying dressed up but you’re in jeans and trainers and the rest of your wardrobe is 2 hours away so you cannot change and this happens every time yet you never remember to ask what people are wearing in advance :))

i’ve been in the same borough for many years and their council tax has been so simple, just call to give the names and your card details, get a bill and no issues. the new flat is in the next borough over and i don’t know what they are doing in this council but i’m like ???? when we moved i filled in a form online, very simple and then could see a direct debit was set up on my bank almost straight away but hadn’t received a bill after a couple of weeks so emailed them just asking to clarify the payment date & amount, they replied and attached the bill they sent for me but the correspondence address it was sent to was some random address in ireland?? i then tried to set up an online account with the reference on that letter and it said i couldn’t because i already had a benefits claim account open, so i replied saying none of us are linked to the irish address or have a benefits claim at all, but have also never lived in this borough, she replied saying word for word “I am sorry to say that I have not found any reason as to why that address was on the bill” lol, ok, and set up an account for me, so i managed to create a password and log in, and under our current address there’s another random address from 2015 that again none of us have ever lived in, i feel like i’m losing my mind, is there someone with the same name as me and they’ve just assumed we’re the same person? has someone used my email address in the past? do they just link random accounts together for fun? where are they getting these random addresses from!

we have moved out of our hell flat!! the last two days have been so stressful and tiring but now i am alone in a premier inn and plan to sleep for a LONG time tonight, then i’m staying at my dads for a week until we move into the new place woo!! one annoying thing is that the guy doing the check out inventory just called to let me know how it went and said that apart from a small amount of wear and tear everything is either in the same/better condition than when the tenancy started (the old tenants didn’t clean a thing there were literally dirty things in the dishwasher lol) but mentioned there was a leak in the bathroom sink which was def not there before!! we had cleaners in this morning so he said they must have knocked something and the landlord’s getting a plumber out, i just pray he doesn’t charge us for it because 10000% there wasn’t a leak before and i obviously would’ve reported that!!!

i had a 3.30pm hospital appointment today, arrived at 3.20pm, was finally seen at 5.40pm, explained that i couldn’t keep taking the medication they prescribed after the first month because my GP surgery refused and i was told the hospital would call me back twice when i tried to tell them this but nobody contacted me or replied to my email, he said he’ll prescribe me 3 months so that there’s time to sort out the issue, waited again in the pharmacy only to discover i’d only been given 28 days of the damn meds because that’s all they can give at a time, and finally left the hospital at 6.25pm ready to punch someone in the nose, how was your afternoon!

if you want to know how self-obsessed i am we had an email today saying that our trust needs to reduce our costs by £600,000 a week and my first thought was that it was targeted at me because i accidentally ordered 2000 plasters last month x

i’ve never lost a pet while living with them before and it’s one of the hardest things i’ve ever dealt with, i know it’s been less than two days so it’s very raw but i just cannot stop crying! i think it’s the complete change in routine and i can’t be in the lounge without feeling breathless and panicked because she’s just not where she always was, i went to bed without tidying up her blankets, i woke up and ate an apple without cutting a bit off for her, i went to work without kissing her on the head and saying ‘have a good day! love you!’ and i’ve come home from work without her running towards me to say hello, this is terrible, how do people survive this!! i feel conflicted that we’re moving in 3 weeks because i feel so sad she never got to experience the new flat after i told her all about it and it feels horrible that we’ll have no memories of her there, but equally i feel like i need the change of scenery so that it doesn’t feel so unbearably empty anymore and i stop going to see her/do something for her out of habit and have to remember she’s gone, we have a hand drawn picture of her and a couple of things with her photos like a coaster etc from over the years, and josh chose for her ashes to be in an engraved box and ordered paw prints from the vet, so we’re going to have a little molly corner in the new flat so that it doesn’t feel like we’ve moved and erased her, but god it all just feels so wrong

we didn’t even make it back to the vet, she died in my arms, I know she wasn’t young and she had such a happy and loved life, i feel so guilty that she went through treatment yesterday and must have felt so unwell all night, but i’m also glad she was at home and safe and calm, i love her so so much and feel absolutely broken but at least i got to say goodbye and i choose to believe there’s a non-religious bunny heaven where she can frolic in an apple orchard for eternity now 🐰🤍

molly is so poorly and i keep thinking the vet knows what’s wrong so she’ll be ok but then she comes home and just isn’t, she was sedated yesterday and when she came home she was so floppy but we kept saying it’s the anaesthetic it needs to wear off, but this morning she still seems sedated, she’s moving a bit better but not fully, she’s drinking water and holding her head up but she’s still not bloody eaten anything independently or pooped, the internet says it can take 24 hours for the effects to wear off but they also said to call again this morning if she’s still not eaten, i’m so scared and i can’t stop crying, why do we get pets when all it does is break our hearts

flat update, the agents managed to convince the landlord he was the one in the wrong, he agreed to pay his part of the fees, the flat was listed this morning, agents called me to say there are 16 viewings booked between 11-1 tomorrow, now i’m extremely concerned about how difficult it’s going to be to find somewhere to live and whether or not we will be homeless in 6 weeks, but trying to stay positive about never having to deal with that man again!!