The Walrus and the Mad Hatter.

It's not like it could never happen

It's just that --

Yes, it is true. But isn’t that kind of the point?

Isn’t the purpose of our first love to also be our first heartbreak? To ground us instead of having the illusion that love conquers all? To remind that hurt also comes with happiness?

I think our first love wasn’t meant to stay.

If you have met me earlier in life I would have equated forgiveness with imperfections and imperfections are not worthy of love. I had this idea that we had to put our best foot forward for the other person to love us.

If you had met me earlier in life, I would have associated understanding with shortcomings and shortcomings meant we are not worthy of love.

As time passed on, a few heartbreaks later, I have learned that imperfections meant we have reasons to love the other person more. I have learned that we dont have to be perfect to be worthy of lobe because no one is. You have loved me despite my imperfections which helped me love myself more and accept myself more. I thank you for everything, baby. ☺

"Maldita",

like saying a tree is a tree or a rock is a rock

In reply, still full of pride and the urge to bring up nonsense again, I said,

"Ngano ni-enter"

With that lovely faint smile and conviction in his eyes he says,

"No regrets."

And my heart melts like hot espresso poured on top of vanilla ice cream. It's the little things that make us want to give up and also little things that keeps us holding on.

I have always believed that love is a choice -- a constant, deliberate choice. Sometimes I succomb to the myth that love just comes easy and it gives you butterflies on your stomach but on the contrary love is anything but easy. It is complicated and tiring and involves a lot of compromise.

However, it's also the force that pulls you back everytime the thought of giving up comes to your mind. It's the little voice in your head warning you your making another mistake of letting the illusion of freedom from relationships get in the way of making a future with a person willing to cross oceans for you.

I have no idea how to end this entry but I'm just happy to be sharing this small part of a conversation with you. 😊

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