Haikus by he

As promised, some keyboard slang (we stole a lot from you)(sue us). I wrote what is accurate at the moment, a few years ago it was quite popular to write lik this m8 but it became pretty unhip (I could tell you that you can type “aussi” (: too, as well) “O6″ but literally no one has done that since 2008) most people write normally and add some of the following words :

Basics:

jpp (je n’en peux plus) : I can’t stand it anymore i.e. I’m dying from the lols/I’m so tired of this fucking shit

osef (on s’en fout) : no one cares

mdr (mort-e de rire) / ptdr (pété-e de rire) : lol

cmb / ctb (comme ma bite/comme ta bite) “like my dick/like your dick” : easy punchline to almost anything, ex : ‘the line was so long!’ ‘cmb’ ‘you have a short memory’ (tu as la mémoire courte) ‘ctb’

cmt (comment) : how / cmb (combien) : how much/many

slt (salut) / bjr (bonjour) / bsr (bonsoir) : hello

bn (bonne nuit) : good night

bcp (beaucoup) : a lot, much, many / tp (trop) : too, too much

mtnt (maintenant) : now / ajd (aujourd’hui) : today / jms (jamais) : never

srtt (surtout) : especially, above all / vrmt (vraiment) : really

jsp (je ne sais pas) : I don’t know / ms (mais) but

pr (pour) : for / pcq / pq (parce que) : because

pq / pk (pourquoi) : why

ss (sans) : without OR (sous) : under / sr (sur) : over, on

tt (tout) : all, everything OR (tant) : so much, as long

mn (mon) : my (m) / tn (ton) : your (m) / sn (son) : his/her

ns (nous) : we OR (nos) : ours / vs (vous) : you (pl) OR (vos) yours (pl) / lr (leur(s)) : their / theirs

fr (faire) : to do, make

tmtc (toi-même tu sais) : you know what I’m talking about, private joke

tkt / tqt (ne t’inquiète pas) : don’t worry

c (c’est) : it is OR (sais/sait) : know (½/3p sg) / ct (c’était) : it was

d (des) : some, ex : mange des chips / t (tes) : your (pl for one person)

h (heure) : time/hour, ex : on se voit à ql h? (at what time do we meet?)

keske (qu’est-ce que) : what is, ex : qu’est-ce c’est?

kesta (qu’est-ce que tu as) : what’s up/wrong with you?

ke / q (que) : that/what, ex : ke ve tu? (what do you want?)

ql / kel (quel(s)/quelle(s)) : what/which

askip (à ce qu’il paraît) : from what I’ve heard, apparently…

oklm (au calme) : relaxed, calm, ex : petite soirée oklm 

Borrowing to english or kids:

go : to leave (j’y go)

dodo (beddy byes) : to sleep, sleeping (je vais dodo)

miam (aka “yum”) : to eat (je vais miam)

lol, the legendary

chiller : to go somewhere and not do shit

Dropping the vowels: 

It’s hard to explain but since so many words in french contain “ou”, “an”, “ai” or “on” (…), when we need or want to make verbs (or possessive pronouns as we have already seen) smaller, we drop those letters and the other person guesses what’s missing regarding the context.

A few examples (but you can play with lots of other verbs) :

vx / vt (veux/veut) : to want, ½/3psg, ex : tu vx d pom? je ss o magasin (do you want apples? I’m at the store) ; (voit) : to see, meet, 3psg

ss / st (sais/sait) : to know, ½/3psg ; (suis/suit) : to follow, ½/3psg ; (suis/sont) : to be 1psg+3ppl, ex : où st t chats? (where are your cats?)

cns (connais) : to know someone, 1p sg

pvs (pouvons) : to can, be able/allowed to, 1p pl