bruh

i recently had the honour of introducing my friend to the “[blank]er? i hardly know ‘er!” joke by loudly exclaiming “liquor? i hardly know her!!” during a party, causing my friend (never heard the joke before) to laugh so hard she threw up

I watched challengers with my mom and before any of the gay shit even happened they just looked at eachother while zendaya was playing racketball and she said “this is too obvious”

why are apple users incapable of just saying "phone" "laptop" etc why is it always "my iphone my ipad my macbook" like is it a brand flexing thing or do they just not know the words? you dont hear me saying shit like "damn i misplaced my samsung again" "my acer sounds like a jet engine rn" who talks like that

i’ve stopped being mentally ill in the unhappy and always in a crisis way, I am now mentally ill in the mostly stable and happy but there’s clearly something weird going on way

the kind where no one is worried about me anymore but everyone knows there’s something wrong with me

Plastic surgeons hate her! Woman thinks her face looks fine like it is and appreciates her natural features and the balance and character they bring to her face

Apple juice and orange juice don’t have to be enemies. They are in love. Orple juice.