Life said “hard no. This is the year you learn about death and dying”

When I was a teenager I used to joke that the only two males I’d ever trust and love forever were my dad and my cat. 15 years later I’m about to lose them both at the same time. Yuck.

The more complicated side is that I feel like my dad has just wrecked my mental health repeatedly over the last 10 years. I finally started to recover from whatever the fuck hole I spun into when he got sick and needed to sell his house, my childhood home which was supposed to be left to me, to the brother of the man that r*ped me at 14 years old. Finally starting to get my footing again. And then he takes a turn for the worse. I get involved. It all falls on me. I start to rebuild an actual relationship with this man again, and now he’s going to die? Are you fucking kidding me?