그냥

而我，就是那个无论我做了什么，你不喜欢就是不喜欢.

hi doryfish ! you should know why. wowow so someone is doing this for u (finally) 😏 anyways, hey xxx! Its been 7 years since i’ve known you but it was more of a 4 years of hi bye and 3 years of HEY xxx WASSUP. Okay... that was weird. honestly if i could thank you a thousand times, i would. Although you may or may not realize, you helped me a lot both in st.john and privately. There was a time I realised, besides my friends, I’ve always turn to you to talk about my problems... probably because you’re wiser heh. I cant thank u enough for being someone who guides me, tells me what to do at times and I would always remember that night, outside your house. The night that i ruined ur bricks while talking about life 🌚 yes no worries I still remember every single word you said. Initially, i thought you’re someone that is kiddy like, but when i get to know you more, i realize that you’re actually even more mature than a lot more other people of your age. Throughout all the yumcha sessions and pep talks we had, there is always a time where you make me go WOW, be it your knowledge or the way you think. Its okay to say you’re not okay, so please please please let someone know about you, and although I might not understand what you are going through but being you, I’m sure you have your own ways of solving it. I might sound like you mum at this point but its also alright to reject others in favor to yourself. Seeing you not being able to finish your assignments on time because of your commitments is sad, ITS YOUR FUTURE THERE xxx. I should stop. Please pass all your papers and graduate, stop wasting money and time to retake, get a job, be the breadwinner of your family. 💪🏼 also sincerely hope that we can stay friends for a long time and we will not be strangers till I’ll need to call you by your ranking when you’re not in uniform. LASTLY, stop eating so much eggs (high cholesterol bruh) and don’t keep stuff to yourself since you have someone to depend on now. All the best in your future endeavors ! 🥂👻

I just wanted to let this out. I don’t know. Express it here so at least I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. 

i want to go to korea.

relationships are over rated. the tagline that i always use whenever someone ask me the classic question of why haven’t you had a boyfriend yet? the thing is, i really want to have one too, to try out what does being in a relationship feel like, to feel the love of someone who appreciates me the way i appreciate them. 20 years of life, i never had my feelings reciprocated so i guess in a way you could say that i’m tired? i gave up on loving someone and going through hardships for them knowing that my feelings will get nothing in return. love should be selfless they say. yeah whatever, i’m sorry but i can’t. i’m selfish. if i know that my feelings are not getting returned, i’ll stop. because when i develop feelings, i’ll go all out for them and feel burnt out faster. to me, starting a relationship isn’t as easy as reading the alphabet order. it may seem like its just an easy i love you, will you date me? and you get a yes.. to me, it isn’t. i don’t want to get into one if both of us are not seeing this relationship as a long lasting one. and as well as getting married, i’m afraid to do that. i’m afraid that when we get married and problem comes to the extent of divorcing, i don’t think i can take that. its not that it is an ego problem, its just that i cannot imagine myself losing someone i love for a few years, someone i spent my time with for so long. getting into a relationship is hard, my personality is a whole shitload that no ordinary people can take it.

had this crush on you. not sure if you ever know but people around me said that my actions were pretty obvious that i liked you. fast forward from this small crush i had on you from 3 years ago, you found yourself a special someone 2 years ago and that someone wasn’t me or anyone that i knew. it was someone of a complete stranger to me, although along the way when she needed my help, we talked. but we weren’t friends. well, that wasn’t the point. when i knew you had a girlfriend, the first step i took was to obviously distant myself from you in order to stop my feelings from developing further. although i still feel a little, it was bearable. and i thought this small crush was over. until today, where i learnt about your break up news, it wasn’t as shocking but it was terrifying for me. because i could feel that the feelings i suppressed is slowly coming back. and i have to admit that the crush i had was a little too much, so i hope that nothing will happen between us. because you said its weird to be friends after a relationship has ended. so rather than having my friendship with you to end, i rather that we never started a relationship, hence i hope my feelings could do whatever they wanted. you’re too much of an important friend to me, to the extent that losing you means that i’m losing a family member. i don’t want that to happen.

Hanbin-ah come back. We’re all still here. RUN. Run towards us.

photo cr : el viento