My Father
I was sleeping soundly and was awakened by thoughts of my father and even though I tried could not fall back asleep. As a result, I’m sitting here in front of my computer typing and not exactly sure what words will pour out of me.
My father was a very private man and never wanted to worry any of his family, especially his children. I often had to pry health information out of him by asking him question after question until I would wear him down. He would eventually tell me and swear me to secrecy.
It’s funny how much I was like my father even though he was not in my life growing up. My mother divorced him when I was very young, but my oldest memory of him was walking up a sidewalk with a rolling tricycle, which he gave me as a gift. He then walked away and the next time I saw him was at fourteen. We had a short time together and he was gone again until twenty-five.
In the early eighties he came to visit my family in Boerne, Texas. I didn’t know at the time, but he was there to make a Christian amends to me. It seemed to me he was there to tell me all I was doing wrong in my life and if I didn’t quit drinking, I would lose my family. It turned out by the early nineties he was correct.
In 1995, God removed alcohol from me through a powerful spiritual experience, which led me to Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps. One of the steps is an amends step. My dad came to Los Angeles, CA in 1997 to visit me and I was able to make my amends to him. A moment that I’m most grateful for, which allowed us to nurture a good father/son relationship of mutual respect.
On May 18, 2019 in the early morning hours my father lost his final battle with cancer. It seemed to me that he had been fighting for almost thirty years. He was in remission for much of that time, but this last cancer came on fast and at his age it was a fight he was not physically, mentally or spiritually prepared to war against. The good news, he is no longer living his life of pain and suffering. Rest in peace father you deserve it, you will remain in my heart forever and I’ll see you on the other side. Thank you, God for your mercy.
