love, yours is the future

The feeling of Lily pressed beside him was one that James was both used to and also certain that he would never get used to. He can feel the tension practically radiating off her, despite his ministrations and he had a very strong feeling that it would be a long while yet before she truly calmed down. He understood why, of course, he did, if there weren’t about eight different potions running through his veins at that moment, James was sure that he’d be just as angry as Lily was.

Instead, however, he just felt numb.

Numb from the pain, from the grief, from the worry. From knowing his family could have lost far, far more than just their house and their beloved elf. It was difficult to mourn when the most important person in the world (equal, of course, to Sirius) was beside him, was safe, but James knew that the time would come when the pain of it all finally hit. When the guilt followed suit. It was because of him that Adi was dead. It was because of him that the house was gone and that his parents’ fates were caught in the balance. If anything, he was just overwhelmingly glad that Lily had not been there with him. That he hadn’t had another person to protect at that moment. 

As Lily turns her head, James moves his hand to rest on the back of her skull, gently stroking her hair more for his own comfort than anything else. He had always been besotted by her hair: the length and the colour and the feel, and it remained one of his absolute favourite things about his fiancee; one of many at that. “Imagine that,” he attempts to joke, despite the weakness of his grin, “Voldemort and his cronies on one hand, and then we’ve gone and pissed off the St. Mungo’s healers on the other. Not sure who I’d worry more about facing.” James’ smile grows a little stronger at Lily’s words and he nods his head firmly. He didn’t care what he had to do or who he had to argue with: he’d get her in to see his parents if it was the last thing he did. “They’d want to see you, I know they would. Reckon Mami loves you more than she’s ever loved me, to be honest. And you know she’s obsessed with me, so that says a lot.”

James’ hand is steady as he holds Lily’s against his chest, against his beating heart. He’s certain that it skips several beats and speeds up at the feel of her touch; forever a giveaway to his true feelings, but it felt as though they were a long way from simple platitudes as such. Lily had his entire heart and his soul, and James was certain that no matter their young age, there was simply no one else out there for him. No matter what happened during this war, no matter where they ended up, James was certain that he would fight harder, knowing there was someone to live for.

And if it came to it, he was equally as certain that he now had someone to die for as well.

“I’m pretty hard to get rid of, I’ll admit,” James says, his voice steady, “It’s because I’m so lovable.” Lily’s words strike a deep, sensitive chord inside James and his lower lip wobbles a little as he gazes heavily at her face. “I love you more than anything, Evans. I mean that. No matter what we’ve both done. I just…I need to accept it myself, I s’pose. Never thought I’d be this person, and it’s hard…it’s hard to consolidate being the bloke you love, with being the bloke who’d do such a thing.” A bloke like Snape.

There was no need to explicitly name names, they knew each other well enough to not need to, and James forces himself to shove the thought down as far as he could. It was not the time, and no matter his grief and guilt. James knew that he would never make the choices the other had. He couldn’t make those choices.

Smiling brightly, James attempts to scramble to a sitting up position, shifting Lily beside him before he flops back down with a pained grunt. “I’m a pretty shoddy groom right now, to be honest. Not even sure they’ve changed my pants since all of this, and I can’t even get up to get our celebrant,” he says, laughing a little at the situation. He felt unnecessarily giddy with the thought of Lily becoming his wife in mere moments, no matter the inconvenience of the situation, and James yearned for the possibility. “Could you imagine Sirius’ whining? He’s already upset I didn’t invite him to the proposal, as if I planned it for when it happened. But Evans? I’d marry you anytime and anywhere, so you suggesting my favourite holiday?” He grins, “I’d get down on one knee and propose again if I could right now. That sounds great. Anything that makes me your husband as soon as possible works for me. I want this to be official. You to be a Potter, or me an Evans, whatever we want to do. I want it. I want you.”

Angry as she was, as much adrenaline as was coursing through her body, Lily knew it was mostly the result of once more not being with him when he had needed her. Much as she wanted to deal out her anger on a target, she wasn’t going to leave James now. There would be things to do, plenty of them - all their friends needed to be informed, the Order, too. And of course, a funeral, for Adi.  It wasn’t something every wizarding family did for their house elves, but Lily knew the Potters would not question it, not only as a right Adi deserved, but as a member of their family. The thought was one that made her heart fold over again in grief, but in a way it was comforting. She could at least take care of that for them. 

Her eyes closed as his hand began stroking her hair and Lily managed a small, wavering smile. It felt good, soothing more than anything else would have, and it filled her with another rush of relief that James was alive. “The Healers, for sure. You’re at their mercy here - but I’ll protect you.” Her smile widened into a joking grin, humour falling flat only at the end. She meant that protection with deadly seriousness, the light smile on her face at odds with the earnest intent in her eyes. James was her family now, no matter who did or didn’t recognise that. She had never felt so invested in the war as she did in this moment, every nerve in her body thrumming with the determination to see no further harm come to him. 

And if he was her family, that went equally for his parents as well. Lily only shook her head at his teasing. No one who’d see the two of them together could think for a minute Euphemia Potter loved anyone as well as she did her son, but her future mother-in-law’s warmth and affection could easily extend to Lily almost as much. 

Maybe because it was written all over Lily’s face, every gesture she made, how much she loved Euphemia’s son. Lily now felt like it could almost overwhelm her,  the consistent beat of his heart under her hand the only thing centering her. “Good. I don’t ever want to be rid of you. Though I could maybe stand for you to lose a bit of that ego.” She managed a fond eye roll, but really she was glad that he sounded like his old self.  It wouldn’t be easy for him to move past this, it was exactly the thing that would hurt him the most. Her own confidence hadn’t faltered, not since that first moment of shock. Firmly, she said, “How much it bothers you is exactly what tells me you haven’t stopped being the bloke I love.” 

She didn’t have to imagine who James was terrified of being like and she rejected any comparison. “Forgive yourself, James. You try so hard to protect people. You try with all your heart. You’re the opposite of - any Death Eater.” 

Her hand reached out when he emitted a noise of pain, not surprised James would try to move too much. He’d never been good at resting, and it was obvious she was going to have to keep an eye on him to ensure he didn’t hurt himself. The lecture was spared for now, however, because a happiness she could only associate with James’ presence in her life was welling up. “Thanks for the update on your knickers, Potter. I suppose that is my wifely business.” And soon she would really be his wife. There wasn’t a doubt in Lily’s mind that this was the right decision, even if it was being made hastily, and partly from an anger like nothing she’d felt before. That was part of who she was, and part of who he was as well. People who felt passionately, strongly, about what was right or wrong, and who would never back down, no matter what consequences they faced. 

It would be easier, better, to face them together. “Your first proposal was more than good enough,” Lily assured him, her own smile stretching across her face on the strength of her excitement. “We’re agreed, then. Halloween. It’s a date.” Leaning forward, she kissed him, aiming for the corner of his smile that pulled her in like a magnet. 

Come Halloween, they would be the Potters. For the rest of their lives. 

Remus was glad to hear that James and Lily were moving up the wedding for the sake of their own happiness. If anybody deserved to be happy it was definitely the two of them. They had both been through so much as of recently, it would be nice to be able to celebrate something with them. “You know, if someone were to tell me back in first year that today, you and I would be best friends, that you and James were getting married, that you were able to put up with Sirius, I would have laughed in their face. It’s so crazy how quickly things changed. I’m glad that you guys have decided to put yourselves first, to think about your own happiness first, even if that means you’ve decided you want to spend the rest of your life with James Potter of all people.” Remus let out a small chuckle, his next thought making him laugh a little more. The words escaped his lips before he could stop them, “But you know, it’s not too late to call off the wedding and marry me instead. It’s no secret that I’m your favourite, Evans.”

Still with an arm wrapped around Lily, Remus finally opened his bedroom door, his eyes glancing around at the mess he left in there. It was a little embarrassing to have his room in such a messy state, but he knew Lily of all people wouldn’t judge him for it. “So,” Remus started, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he finally let go of Lily and walked over to his desk to collect some bits of parchment, “Marlene suggested I wrote a children’s book for Muggles about the Shrieking Shack. That topic hit a little too close to home for me, but the idea of writing a book for Muggle children really stuck with me. There’s something that all kids all struggle with, magical or not, and that’s abnormalities.” Getting his papers in order, Remus sat at the edge of his bed and began looking over what he had written down. “I was going to make the characters just regular kids with some differences between them. Maybe one chubby kid, one with really bad acne, one in a wheelchair. But that wasn’t very interesting to me. Then I started to think about you, and how you were different from the other kids, but it wasn’t something visible. And then myself, I’m also different and if it weren’t for my scars, it would also be invisible. Kids deal with a lot more internal struggle than they let on, I think, and I thought it would be interesting to write about that.”

“So I came up with a few different characters, looking over them now, I guess they all sort of represent all of us.” Remus smiled at Lily, flipping through the papers to find where he had written down the traits of each character. “There’s two just regular boys. The first one is sort of like James, where everything seems perfect on the outside, he gets everything he wants handed to him on a silver platter. But inside he’s extremely lonely. The other one is like Peter, he’s scared of everything, including his own shadow. Terribly shy, unable to make friends because he’s too scared to speak up. Then there’s a vampire, he’s like Sirius. He doesn’t want to follow the path of the other vampires, he just wants to be a normal kid, doesn’t want to intentionally hurt people. His family starts to turn on him because he’s not like them. The werewolf, I guess he’s a little self-explanatory, he’s just like me.” Remus let out a small laugh, it was unintentional at first, but it was a little easier to write a werewolf after himself. “And lastly there’s a witch. People are scared of her because she’s different, but she’s really kind and sweet, incredibly intelligent. Just like my best friend.” He nudged Lily lightly at the words ’best friend.’ He didn’t mean to base the characters off his friends, but it just came naturally, to write about what he knew. “They all deal with their struggles on their own, until they realize they’re all different in their own ways, and that it’s okay. And they become best friends in the end even though they’re five very different people.”

Shaking his head lightly, he handed the papers over to Lily, “Sorry for rambling. But I’d love to hear your opinion. Do you think Muggle kids would like it?” Remus was oddly passionate about this project, he hadn’t felt this excited over anything in a long time. Perhaps not since the Marauders Map. “And be honest, don’t spare my feelings. If you hate it, please let me know.”

Lily glowed in the wake of telling her news. Remus was perfectly right, the Lily of a few years ago would have been just as shocked - if not more. “I’m as surprised as you are but - I’m happy. I’m very, very happy, despite all the horrible things that have happened.” Her words were sober again, reflecting the seriousness of the attack on the Potters, but she knew Remus wouldn’t judge her for being happy. They’d always understood each other and she winked at him, “Funny, on the night James proposed, he did accuse me of harbouring a secret love for Sirius. I of course informed him that you were the object of my affections. I suppose you’ll have to put up with being my favourite brother-in-law now.” Since that was, in all essentials, what he would be, the bond between James and Remus being so strong.  

Looking eagerly around the room, Lily stopped when he started speaking and simply focused on Remus instead, growing steadily more interested as he went on. All the while, her eyes softened, entirely unsurprised that his kind nature would think of something like this. It was exactly the kind of project that earned her admiration. “What a wonderful idea,” she said, affection in her voice. “I think it sounds amazing. And just like you as well to want to help kids feel more comfortable with themselves.” 

She kept smiling as Remus described his characters, a rush of love for him, for James, all the boys and their friendships. They’d done so much good for each other and she was sure that a book about them would inspire plenty more children to forge friendships just as strong, to do everything they could to help their friends. Then her eyes started to get watery when Remus included her as well. “I think that sounds like a beautiful book. I’d be honoured to be included in it in any way. I think kids will love it - particularly if those four boys get up to lots of different adventures like the men they’re inspired by! But I’d like to think kids who read it will learn to be more accepting of each other - which frankly is just the sort of thing we need right now, but even more than that ... I’m just grateful to have you as my best friend.” 

Quickly she dashed one hand up to her eye, shaking her head all the while at Remus, “Since you’ve made me cry, you’d better give me a hug now.” Not only was she touched by his idea, Lily as glad to see Remus looking so excited about his plan. It made her feel hopeful for all of their futures. Her and James getting married, Remus doing something he loved - maybe in the end, they were all going to be alright. As much as she loved the idea of their friendship being immortalized by a wonderful story, she wanted the one they were living to be bring them all peace and happiness as well. 

Remus knew that in their youth, Lily wasn’t happy with her placement. Her friendship with Severus meant more to her than anything else back then, but if it weren’t for the sorting hat separating them all those years ago, it was likely her and James never would have ended up together, that Remus and Lily wouldn’t be best friends now. He wasn’t happy with his placement, either, not as an eleven year old. He dreamed of being in Ravenclaw, but as he grew older he learned he was in Gryffindor for a reason, the sorting hat was never wrong. “Me too.” Remus smiled, “I’m not sure if you really remember what I was like back in first year, but I was such a nerd. So docile and afraid of everything. If I wasn’t placed in Gryffindor, I don’t think I ever would have outgrown that.” Everybody was thankful for Hogwarts, but Remus was sure he was ten times more thankful than the average student. He was allowed in as the first (and only) werewolf student, he made friendships to last a lifetime, he learned about the world and what path to head down.

“Alright, alright, I’ll show you. But you can’t tell anybody else yet, not until it’s finished.” He knew Lily would be just as excited over his project as he was, he was making it for kids like them anyway. Kids that were different, but had no control over their differences. “I’m only showing you because you were part of my inspiration, Marlene did give me the idea though, I can’t discredit her.” Standing slowly, Remus held out his hand to help Lily up, wrapping his arm around her shoulder again once she was to her feet. “Don’t judge my messy room, either, I’m trying to work out the kinks.”

He guided them slowly through the house, wanting to ensure their conversation didn’t go uninterrupted. Remus smiled, it was always lovely to hear that Lily thought highly of him considering he felt the same about her. Stopping abruptly, Remus wrapped his other arm around Lily and hugged her closely and tightly, “I’m grateful for you, too, Lily. Not only are you the kindest person I know, you’re also the most skilled witch I’ve ever met, you have more patience than anybody I know. You’re a gem, and I truly love everything about you. I’m glad to be able to call you best friend.” He was only speaking the truth, he genuinely did feel as though they were best friends, and Remus felt like the luckiest person on the planet to have four people he felt that way about. Pulling away from their hug, Remus was about to open the door to his room before stopping once again. “Very near future? You two could get married twenty minutes from now and you know I’d take ten minutes to take James out for a drink then stumble in with two minutes to spare in my finest cardigan to celebrate with you.” Remus laughed slightly, before turning back to a more serious tone. “This must have given you a mighty good scare if you’re moving the date up.”

It hadn’t taken long for Lily to come around to Gryffindor. She hadn’t been much impressed to see Sirius at the table, not after their meeting at the train, but then Mary Macdonald had joined her and they’d become immediate friends. Her smile turned soft, thinking of all the people she loved now as they’d been then. No, admittedly she didn’t much remember Remus from then. "You were James and Sirius’ friend. I was pretty sure you were evil by association,” Lily chuckled, shaking her head in amused remorse. “It’s a shame. You should have been my friend, not theirs.” But she was only joking, really - the friendship the boys all had was one that didn’t come by often. Lily was just glad she was part of it now, in any way.  

Intrigued by what Remus was working on - and a little bit excited to be the first in the know - Lily stood eagerly, giving Remus’ hand one last grateful squeeze. She felt much better than she had when she’d arrived. As they walked, Lily turned to Remus and asked, “What am I looking for? Is it big? Is it small? Does it make noise?”  

The hug wasn’t a surprise and Lily embraced him back tightly. If she did throw her mind back to first year Remus, she could probably recall he’d been shy, a bit standoff-ish. Now Lily understood exactly why he must have been so afraid. People had turned on him his whole young life. It made Lily angry to think of. When he was perhaps the kindest person she’d ever known, more deserving of affection than anyone. Like now, when her eyes sparkled with tears at his words, she was glad that she now knew he wasn’t standoff-ish at all, not once he trusted someone. “I just stopped crying, you know!” Lily feigned anger, but she was smiling too much for it to be believable, quickly wiping at her eyes. “I’ve had to learn patience with all you lot around. I wouldn’t have it any other way, you know that though? I only wish you had been my best friend earlier.” If she felt so overwhelmed with love right now, Lily worried how she’d cope on her actual wedding day, surrounded by all these people, the friends who were really her family. Smiling still, especially at the way Remus had stopped in his tracks at her words, she laughed at his suggestion, “Wow! That doesn’t sound like a half-bad plan, actually!” But then she turned firm, as serious as he was, remembering the biting anger she’d felt over what had been done to James. And why.  “Not a scare entirely. More ... we want to be together and we don’t care if other people don’t think we should be.”  

Were it any other situation, James might have allowed himself a brief moment to admire just how passionate Lily looked when she was angry; a deep flush was burning up her neck and her green eyes were flashing with disdain. It was, however, a highly inappropriate moment to be thinking any of that, so James chooses to settle back on his pillows instead, shoving his glasses up his face so that they sat better on his nose.

It had to be something significant to have riled her up as it had, given all that had happened and the current condition James was in. Not that he felt anything more than the numb haze of several potions, but he knew Lily would normally be treating him with kid gloves, as if he were so fragile he might break at any point. Her anger, however, seemed to be fueling something else, something that honestly concerned James even more. 

Curling an arm warmly around Lily as she settles into the space beside him, James automatically begins to stroke his hand gently up and down her arm, still feeling the way her entire body had tensed. It was not to do with him, he knew that, knew that they were both completely and utterly comfortable with one another, but he hoped the action might ease her even a little. “That still doesn’t make sense of them. So the engaged card works to get into see me, but it doesn’t get you in to see the people who are pretty much already your in-laws?” James says, knowing he was simply repeating the facts as he tried to wrap his head around it. “And I wasn’t conscious when you left. Passed out as the door closed, actually, so you really were the next-of-kin then.” 

Already his own anger was starting to bubble inside of James, and a part of him wondered if it was finally time for him to start pulling the ‘rich kid’ card. There was no pretending that the Potter family had not done quite a few things for St. Mungo’s in their time; Fleamont himself had often brewed potions for the hospital on a freelance basis once he had returned. Surely James only needed to drop the family name a few times in order to get Lily approved to visit his parents? It was to be her name one day after all.

Pressing a kiss to Lily’s cheek, his hand still rubbing gently at the skin of her arm, James releases a long, low sigh, taking a moment before he next speaks. His relief about his parents is only short-lived; now replaced with his own frustrations. “I know, Evans,” he says softly, not needing to raise his voice. “We’ll get you in there, I’ll hunt down whoever it is that I need to talk to.” Merlin only knew that James would gladly tear the world down for her if she so requested. “And I’m okay, I promise, look-” Taking Lily’s left hand carefully in his own, James presses it to the side of his chest, letting her feel his heart thumping under his skin. “I’m alive and I’m here. Battered for sure, but I’m not leaving you anytime soon, alright?”

Fingers still loosely fiddling with Lily’s engagement ring, pausing every so often to admire it against her finger, James lifts his gaze in surprise at Lily’s words, his eyes mapping her face darkly. He had not expected that. Nor had he expected the fierce and intense look that had spread across her face, the look that said she had made up her mind and there was nothing that would change it. “I want you to be my wife too,” he says, his own voice slightly breathless before he cracks another sly smile, “Want me to call a Healer in? Get them to perform the ceremony right now? Sirius might chuck a tantrum, but he needed to let go eventually.”

She crawled beside him, noticing the hand that soothingly traced lines up and down her arms, but refusing to take comfort from it. Lily did not want to be calmed down, she wanted to be furious. It seemed the only way in which she could actually do something. That did mean having to fight against James’ low voice and the steady, trusting expression in his eyes, to which Lily nearly automatically softened. 

It was hurt she was feeling as much as anger, she knew that, but a further analysis wouldn’t do much good. She had been rejected many times, by people, by this world and perhaps it was a sore spot. Anger was a better feeling to indulge in. It could be useful. That was a dangerous thought - Lily had never wanted to be governed by anger. In fact, she had done so once before, with Bellatrix, and had ended up regretting it. The memory of that - particularly conjured by the mirror image of James lying in a hospital bed and herself beside him - made her try to check the impulse. Her head turned into James’ neck, where she breathed in the scent of him, only slightly spoiled by smoke, in the hopes of ceasing the blood boiling underneath her skin. 

The anger had settled into a more comfortable position, not gone but settled when she lifted her head again. In his eyes she could see her own heartbreak reflected. “The last thing we need is another enemy to fight,” Lily began, though warmed by the fierceness of James’ support.  “I can’t hold it against the hospital. Whatever motivations they have, well, it hardly feels as if we’re short of enemies already. And I know which ones I’d rather see pay.” The firmness in her voice spoke of the anger that did still remain. “But - thank you.” He was always somehow exactly what she needed. “ I want to be there for your parents. And I suppose it’s a little selfish as well. I want them to make me feel better too.” Her eyes lingered on him, betraying the love in her heart, and that ever present fear, only just reassured by his presence. Losing this would hurt. It would hurt more than she could imagine now, when Lily did indeed almost feel as if James’ very presence could heal any pain she felt. 

She looked down as he pulled on her hand and followed the movement to his chest, where Lily closed her eyes, simply feeling the level beating of his heart. For all it had been through, it kept going, and if Lily hadn’t known what had happened, she’d have believed James as healthy and hearty as anyone in the world. She did know, though and could only keep her hand light on his chest. “I know you’re not leaving. I tried my best to detach James Potter a long time ago, but then it turned out I loved you with all my heart and I couldn’t do it,” she had begun light-heartedly until it had rung with a painful and blunt honesty. Returning her gaze to his, she said, “I’ll take you battered anyday. I mean it. Whatever darkness you think is on your hands now, you’re wrong. I’ve known you since we were eleven years old, and I’m going to know you until we’re lying under the snow, alright? That’s a promise.”  

Only James could make her laugh right now. Lily gave in to the impulse, then abruptly stopped, feeling like tears all over again. “Yes, I do want you to do that,” she admittedly honestly, in a low voice which did not conceal the rawness of the feeling in it. To have James be hers right now was precisely what every instinct called for. Not that she could protect him any better that way, but it felt like it would do so. “But I also know we’d regret not having our friends. So I suggest a compromise. A proper wedding, like we’d planned, but what are we waiting for? I don’t need anything but you. What do you say to the end of the month? Halloween? I know that’s only a few days, but I want this, James.” He hadn’t said no, and he was smiling. Lily hoped the idea made him happy.  She herself felt set ablaze by it, reawakened after the combination of grief, waiting and fear had so weighed her down. 

The sound of Lily’s laughter made him smile, he knew he helped at least a little bit if she was able to find some humor. Remus shook his head, “We are a bunch of Gryffindors, the sorting hat really knew what was best for the lot of us. But could you imagine us anywhere else? We wouldn’t have each other if it weren’t for the fact that we were all placed in Gryffindor, we probably wouldn’t be in this whole mess. But I couldn’t be happier, even though we keep doing stupid shit and putting ourselves in danger, because we have each other. I know that no matter what, I’ll always have you and James, and everyone else looking out for me, that’s enough to keep a smile on my face every day.” It finally seemed as though Lily was starting to calm down and Remus felt himself relax a little bit. As much as he wanted to panic and worry about James, too, he knew helping Lily in this moment was far more important and it seemed as though he was doing his job.

“I’ve been… Working on a project.” Remus normally did keep everything in his own room perfectly neat, unless he was working on something. Marlene had given him an idea to perhaps write a book for muggle children and the thought hadn’t left ever since. “There’s parchment spread across the entire room, I’m a bit scatter brained when I’m trying to get my thoughts out. I think you’re going to like what I’m working on, actually you were the first person I planned on showing. But I’ll save that for later, we have other things to focus on." 

Lily didn’t need to finish her thought for Remus to know exactly what she was going to ask. It was a fear they all had, something nobody really talked about because it was too hard. But the reality was the chances were slim that they would all survive, he was sure Lily knew that. Remus desperately wanted to tell her the opposite, but he wasn’t one to lie to his friends. "We’re going to do the best we can to protect each other. That’s all we can do.” Of course he didn’t want to think about anything bad happening to his friends, but Remus knew the chances were slim with how reckless they all were. Squeezing Lily a little tighter, Remus offered her a smile, “It’s best not to think about it too much. Expect the worst but hope for the best. We don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens, so try to just let nature take it’s course.”

Truth was, Lily couldn’t imagine having been anywhere but Gryffindor. She’d been disappointed, a little, back then, to not be in the same house as Severus. Had things actually been the way they’d hoped, Lily could only assume she would have been in for seven years of misery and isolation. What a blessed relief to have finished with such strong friendships instead. “Maybe we wouldn’t have been in this mess. But I’d take this mess with you lot over a carefree life alone as well. Because of how much I love you, and because the world that did allow us to meet is worth protecting.” After all, in the world the Death Eaters wanted, would children like Lily be allowed to go to Hogwarts, to discover magic, to find their best companions? Children like Remus? No, she doubted that. “I know it’s together we can do that.” 

There were ways to go on that. As far as Lily knew, no other werewolf child but Remus had yet attended the school. Maybe, once they got past all this, when they all lived, they could take on that next task. Lily revelled for a moment in imagining herself, Remus, James and the others as war heroes who no one could say no to, demanding a better future for everyone. That was a worthwhile dream. Focusing back on Remus, she thought she could see ambition in his eyes as well. “No, come on, you can’t hint at something and not tell me.” It was more of the same, she knew Remus struggled so much to get work and that was what made Lily especially intrigued at the hint of excitement in his voice. “Distract me, please.” 

Talked down from the worst of her despair, Lily felt her calmer mind returning, the anxiety that had risen up her stomach returning to a dormant state - rather than disappear entirely. It never disappeared entirely these days. Her smile wasn’t quite out in full force, but Remus’ words had done much to her convince her, nodding gratefully, “I know we are. I’m not afraid of that, believe me. None of us will ever be in this alone, and that’s something at least, you’re right. I’m so grateful for you, you know that. You’re the kindest person I know, Remus Lupin and I’d be a sorrier witch without you around - I wouldn’t need crystal balls or tea leaves to know that.” It reminded her that he was right, they did have to hold onto hope. With a secretive look, she decided to tell him what she’d nearly forgotten in all her distress. “In that case, speaking of hoping for the best ... I hope you won’t be too busy to attend a wedding in the very near future.” 

The ease with which James finds himself nodding off to sleep was surprising, although he was barely conscious enough to make note of it. There was no denying that he was physically and emotionally drained, that every inch of his body ached desperately for rest. He had previously refused; only giving into what his body had demanded after several Healers had forced a Sleeping Draught down his throat. Upon waking, it was the stress of what he had done that had stopped him from sleeping. Now, however, there was an almost lightness in James’ heart. His worry for his parents remained, as did the guilt and grief of his own actions, combined with Adi’s fate, but his conversation with Lily, the reaffirmation of their commitment to one another, eased something inside of him.

James’ sleep is fitful and brief, as he tosses and turns against the uncomfortable mattress, his forehead creased in concern. A tiny moan of discomfort creeps from his lips, but he doesn’t wake, merely shifting restlessly once more. He doesn’t wake properly until jolted by the sound of the slamming door; his hand grappling for his glasses as he blinks wearily toward where Lily stands. Pushing the glasses up his nose, James shifts so that he is sitting up, ignoring the ache in his legs as he does so. His fiancee was his priority, as she always was. James had no doubt in his mind that he would always put her needs far before his own.

“What do you mean they wouldn’t let you in?” he questions, nose screwed up in confusion as his mind fumbled its way toward understanding. Lily had gone to see his parents. And she wasn’t allowed in? Didn’t she work here? Moving over slightly, James pats the empty space now beside him, gesturing for Lily to sit down. He can see the way her forehead creases in anger; her whole body practically vibrating with rage in front of him. “But you’re…not family? What?” James knows that he sounds daft, simply repeating key words Lily had already addressed, but he cannot quite wrap his mind around the situation. “They told you’re that you’re not family…so you weren’t allowed in the room…they know about us, don’t they? The whole ‘getting married’ thing? That’s a surefire reason for you to be considered family, isn’t it?”

Breathing an inaudible sigh of relief at Lily’s words, at knowing his parents were okay, James allows himself to relax into his pillows once again. It had been numerous hours since he had last seen them, having needed to deal with his own injuries, and the worry had been making him feel sick inside. “Oh, thank Merlin,” he breathes lowly, feeling the lump in his throat loosen slightly. It had been numerous hours since he had last seen them, having needed to deal with his own injuries, and the worry had been making him feel sick inside. Now, instead, he was able to replace that nervous nausea with his own simmering rage. What did he have to do? Fill out a permission slip for Lily to be able to see his parents? ‘I, James Potter, allow for my future wife to see her in-laws?’ 

Reaching for Lily’s left hand, James’ fingers automatically move to brush against her ring; the ring he himself had slid onto her finger. “I’ll go speak to them. You should be allowed in there, more than anyone. It isn’t as if you’re going to be the Healer in charge of them; you’re just going to see them,” he says, trying to make his voice be as soothing as possible, without patronising Lily. He knew how frustrated she must be and he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t as equally frustrated at the thought.

His forehead crinkling and one eyebrow quirking upwards at Lily’s words, James can’t help the soft smile that plays at the corners of his mouth, his fingers softly squeezing hers. “We are getting married,” he teases lightly, fingers poking at her ring once more, his heart filled with nothing but love for her at that moment. He could barely think of how only moments earlier he had been prepared to break everything off, if that was what she had wished. “I didn’t get down on one knee in that alleyway and bare my heart and soul to you for nothing.”

Lily had barely paused for breath once she’d walked back inside James’ hospital room. In a way it was like old times, she could remember going off on many rants during their days as Heads while James patiently listened to her. Never had it been quite like this, however, where he looked up at her bleary and confused as he took in what she was saying from a hospital bed. 

If she hadn’t still been so angry, Lily would have felt guilty. After all, he was the one hurt and hurting, the one who had lost everything. But not even the sound of James carefully trying to understand really shook her out of the spiralling anger Lily was feeling. It wasn’t the hospital, not really, though that was part of all of it. They were only the last to try and put what felt like a severing wedge between Lily and James. The worst of it was who she should really save her anger for, whoever had put James here, in the bed. 

With a sigh, she took a seat in the space he was indicating in, her muscles relaxing as she sat even as she remained tense. It was probably a sign of how well James knew her, that he was trying to stop her from pacing and working herself up further into anger. “That got me in to see you. Apparently, it doesn’t quite extend to your parents, especially since you’re conscious and their next-of-kin.” Lily tried to explain it calmly, to not let the hurt and frustration she felt over being denied entrance spill over and be taken out on James. He’d done nothing but let her into his family. That was what really burned, the world denying them the truth that they knew. As if Lily and James didn’t have the right to decide what they were. 

She knew for St. Mungo’s, it had absolutely nothing to do with her blood. She worked for them, didn’t she? It was only paranoia telling her that if she’d been a pureblood they might have let her go in. Yet re-examining James’ injuries reasserted the fact that there were others who wanted to rip them apart as well and that was about her blood. Far from feeling afraid over it, right now, Lily felt she could spit in the face of anyone who dared attack them and then send them a wedding invitation. 

Something softened inside of her at the sight of James’ relief. Only to feel upset all over again at the thought that she could have brought him more comfort with a message from his mother. “I’d just have liked to tell Euphemia that you’re alright,” Lily said tonelessly, in response to his attempts to soothe her. “From me. Not a Healer who doesn’t really care whether you live or die-” she broke off, the tightening of her throat making it difficult to speak without the fear that she would break back down into tears.  She needed to stop imagining that worst outcome. James was still alive, she was looking at him, barely moving her eyes away in fact, and the softest brush of his fingers against hers was a reassurance. 

She had never really loved anyone or anything the way she loved James, had she? It had been too long for Lily to still startle over the realisation, whenever it hit her, but there was still that moment of sweet surprise every time. The gentle teasing was near enough to distract her from the burning sense of purpose, at least for the second it took her back to that moment in the alleyway, until Lily realised he hadn’t caught on to her meaning. “James, I meant now. I meant - as soon as we can.” Her voice was quiet but intense, she didn’t want him to misunderstand this time. “I don’t want anything like this to happen again.” Lily took a deep breath, “I want to be your wife. Now.”

He understood her worry, he was worried too, but he felt terrible knowing nothing he could say would make Lily believe that she wasn’t the problem. He couldn’t make a promise that something like this wouldn’t happen again, as much as he would have liked to, because there was no way of knowing. But he needed to say something to try to make her feel better. 

“Lily,” His voice was still surprisingly calm and soft, “James has been in love with you since the moment he saw you. Before he knew of your blood status, before he even really knew you. Nothing in the world is going to stop him from marrying you. I’m sure he’d be willing to be attacked a million more times if it meant he gets to spend the rest of his life with you. I can’t promise nothing bad is going to happen, but you’re James’ entire world. He’s willing to do anything for you.” He’s willing to die for you. Remus figured his last thought might not make her feel any better and decided to keep it to himself, but he was sure Lily already knew that. “James doesn’t care that he’s targeted because he has you. That’s all that matters.”

A small smile passed across his lips as she threw her arms around him. Remus held her tightly until she let go of him, but he continued to hold an arm around her, hoping that his presence was in some way helpful for her. “Anything for you, Lily. You’re one of my best friends, what kind of friend doesn’t help out in a time of need?” He asked, smiling slightly once again. “We’re definitely safer in pairs. Before James and his parents come back we’ll set up some wards, I’ll get my room neat and tidy for Fleamont and Euphemia to stay as long as they need to. You’ll be staying with us, too, I’m sure James wouldn’t want to send you home alone.” Remus squeezed her slightly with the arm that was around her. “We’re a family, Lily. We’re a bit of a strange mix of people, but we all love each other. We’re strong. We’re going to do what we can to stay as safe as possible, and we’re going to win.”

It was strangely effective, the combination of Remus’ reassuring tone, the familiar surroundings of the flat he shared with James. Lily supposed it had been some time now since her idea of home had shifted from Cokeworth, her parents and Petunia, to wherever James, Remus, all their friends, were. 

She had to smile at Remus’ way of comforting her. It was all true, everything he said was right. Unsurprising when he knew James so well. He wasn’t saying it just to make her feel better either - the idea that James would be attacked a million times over just to be with her was hardly a comforting one. That was the problem, the thing Lily had to accept. He would always be willing to risk himself, for her. So it shouldn’t be comforting, really, but somehow it was. “We’re such a bunch of Gryffindors,” Lily laughed, through the tears clouding her vision. She looked at Remus, “You’re the worst of the lot. You’d think we’d learn that running headfirst into danger, even when we know better, isn’t a good idea. The only thing is, you’re right. It is all that matters. I want us to be together more than anything. James and me - but all of us, too. It’s worth it all, for that.” She shook her head at him, the tears starting to dry up as she felt the worst of her fear and sorrow fade away, returning to a calmer state. 

Lily clung on for longer than usual, grateful for the physical comfort, before leaning back. She could feel the weight of Remus’ arm around her shoulders, more needed than he knew. Then again, maybe not, Lily thought, meeting Remus’ kind eyes. Maybe he knew exactly how much he was needed and was once more doing everything he could to help her. “Are you telling me your room isn’t already neat and tidy?” Lily asked, trying to inject some levity into this awful day. “I’m surprised at you, Remus Lupin.” She was touched more than words could really say and drawn to the confidence in his declaration. Lily desperately, desperately wanted to believe that. “Of course we are,” she stated firmly, trying to match his level of faith. And she could, really, believe that they would win - it was just whether or not they’d all make it through unscathed that Lily feared thinking over. With that thought she floundered, "It’s just ...what are the chances that we all...” she broke off, unable to finish. The chances that we all make it out of this.  

When they had agreed to fight a war, James had known that it would come with sacrifice. Voldemort and his followers were too powerful not to imagine that they might lose some, that others might become battered and bruised. How long had it been since Benjy had left Mungos from his injuries? How long had it been since James himself had been discharged? And, more than anything, who would be next?

Lily’s words don’t hurt like they once could have. During Hogwarts, whenever memories of how he had used to behave had emerged, James would often be overcome with guilt and misery, a reminder of the things he had discarded for revenge. As an adult, however, he cannot help but take comfort in their relationship, in knowing that they would never have gotten this far, had she thought he was not worth it. Lily would never have accepted his proposal; committed her life to his, if she didn’t believe that he had changed. Contrary to the beliefs of some: James had not changed his life because of Lily. Had her comments sunk in a little, reminded him that he was better than his behaviour? Yes, of course. But they had not been the sole reason for the shift. Perhaps it had been simply growing up, perhaps it was the result of Sirius’ prank gone too far, James did not know. All he did know, was that this change had been for the better. “Not just a useless Gryffindor legacy,” he remarks, half-joking through a sniff. His fingers are firm around Lily’s, using them to ground himself. He was here, in the present, with her. That was the only place he needed to be right now. She spoke of his strength, but so little of her own, despite the fact James knew she was one of the strongest people he had ever met. “Your brutal honesty is the best conscience I could have,” James says finally. His own sense of justice, of right and wrong, felt so skewed at that moment, that he knew he needed Lily to steer him clearly. Not to put pressure on her, because that was a responsibility he did not need her to have, but to simply allow him to follow her lead and to continue to trust her implicitly. 

James’ breath is low and somewhat staggered as he sucks in a mouthful. He had known from the moment he had started dating Lily, seeing the whispers from the Slytherin table, that their relationship was unlikely to be universally accepted. There were those pureblooded families who had believed the Potter family could be saved; that they could be drawn out of their ‘blood traitor’ ways, and James had practically spat in their faces by dating a Muggleborn. By choosing to marry a Muggleborn. His personal feelings might never even touch on Lily’s blood status, having always viewed it as obsolete and irrelevant, but James knew they were not that lucky when it came to others. “And I would do whatever I had to do make sure they couldn’t touch you.” The surge of protectiveness fills James’ stomach, bolstering the first wave of energy he had felt since he had woken up in the hospital. James knew that these were not simply empty promises, placations to reinforce his commitment. He knew, in the deepest part of his heart, that should Lily come to danger, he would use his body as a shield without a thought. “I feel safe with you as well,” James says, at last, knowing that the ongoing comfort he had begun to feel was from her presence. He may have no longer had a physical home, his childhood memories still burning and crumbling inside the manor that had hosted them, but he knew that he had found another: wherever Lily happened to be. “I don’t…I don’t…I’m not sure I know what I would do without you.” 

The kiss is brief but full of feeling as James pulls at Lily’s lower lip gently with his own before he moves away, knowing it was not the place. Nor, he supposed, feeling the tugging ache in his healing knee, was it the time. The physical contact, however, no matter how small, bolsters something inside him. No matter what he lost, or continued to lose, he still had so much more to fight for. His parents, Lily, the boys. And for Lily to be so willing to remain with him, to uphold their engagement, their wedding, their entire relationship…James was unsure if she even knew just how much such a thing meant to him. “And you, me. For the rest of our lives.” No matter how short they may turn out to be.

He feels bereft as Lily’s hand leaves his, but the heaviness of James’ eyes is enough to distract him. So overwhelmed with Lily’s presence, he had not quite registered the pure exhaustion that had overtaken his body until she was no longer there, her eyes lingering for a moment before she leaves the room. He only faintly hears her reassurances as his eyes flicker shut and James sinks himself further into the sheets of the hospital bed. He would much rather be in his bed at Remus and his flat, or at Lily’s, but the reasonably comfortable mattress and the promise of Lily’s return are enough to placate him for now, allowing himself to give in to the pull of sleep. 

His sleep is fitful, filled with flashing shocks of red light and the crackling sounds of flames. He can see a crumpled figure on the ground, their face contorted with pain, a hand reaching for the wand aimed at their face-

Jerking awake to the sound of a slamming door, James blinks blearily around the room, his glasses having slipped from his face and onto the floor. “Wha’s going on?” he mumbles, reaching aimlessly toward the ground for a moment, before realising it was fruitless. He could not reach his glasses without moving and the stabbing pain in his leg suggests that was not an option. Instead, he continues to squint and blink through the hazy film of his eyes, vaguely recognising the shock of dark red hair in the doorway. “Evans?”

And you, me. For the rest of our lives. His words echoed as she left the room, a sign of devotion that could hardly shock Lily, not after everything else. But the fact that James had to utter them from his hospital bed, a situation that couldn’t help but feel familiar, only reminded her of how likely it was those lives would be short. Her head was ringing with adrenaline and the remnant of fear, but that thought was clear.

It was being realistic, not pessimistic, even if there was a stubborn hope remaining within her that it was not so. But if it was true, really true and she knew it was, that they might not have forever to live, then did she really want to be a coward, and let the fear the Death Eaters were trying to spread succeed? They wanted to make others afraid, to show that they had the power over others – and that simply wasn’t true. She would marry James, because it was theirs and no one else’s to decide. Who knew when that would be possible, with this new setback. The Potters would be displaced and James probably not ready for a wedding for some time, she knew, as Lily briskly strided the length of one ward to another. She would have to be rational about it, and patient, despite the fervent desire this recent brush with death was inspiring within her.

The most important thing was Fleamont and Euphemia. That was her priority, grabbing the hand of a Senior Healer as she walked by, her grip tighter than necessary in her urgency. Lily could see how white her fingers appeared, how tense her hold was. “Where are Mr. and Mrs. Potter being treated?” But what she was told was not what Lily had expected. Not family. You can’t go in. Sorry, Evans. I’ll let you read the case file. That last addition, while kind in itself, a breach of hospital rules in itself, only made the tension in her shoulders heighten and her tongue turn sharper. She didn’t need concessions.

Nearly half an hour later, she was out of breath, both from engaging in a heated argument with her superior (which, Lily noted, could be a problem later) and from furiously making her way back to James’ ward. The door slammed behind her, wildly out of place in a hospital, but Lily didn’t have the control of mind needed for control of body. “They wouldn’t let me in.” Approaching his side again with heavy footsteps, she wasn’t sure what she would have done if he hadn’t been awake. Words were spilling out without Lily quite allowing them to go, her distress evident in the inability to control her own pitch, far too loud for the quiet of the room. “I’m not family, so they wouldn’t let me in. I’m so sorry, James. I got a report on how they’re doing, but I didn’t actually see them.”

As angry as she was, Lily could remember, perhaps from the sight of him still frail and vulnerable in the white sheets of the hospital bed, that he must indeed be concerned. “Euphemia is conscious and stable. Your father still needs to take another round of potions, but they think he’ll do better once he’s got those down.” She could take only a few seconds before her mind was back to what had happened. “I can’t believe they don’t think I count as your family! I’m going to marry you! I work here, for Christ’s sake.” Muggle expletives were a danger sign, as surely as if there had been actual smoke coming out of her ears. “What do they think I’d do? I know how to treat a patient.”

But none of that was enough for the hospital’s staff. They hadn’t proved themselves, Lily hadn’t proved herself enough to be counted. 

Her verbal torrent paused, still for only a moment before her eyes locked back on James. Her heart was hammering, both off the adrenaline of her anger and of the sureness that went alongside it - surer than she’d ever been before. “We should get married.” They already were going to, but she meant, of course, now.