GrssGrl

this damn city swallows dreams like a shiny new toilet bowl in an airport

booking dreams, and boyfriend dreams

work dreams, and eating dreams

flush the living shit out of me

rarely leave the house in june, and when i do I hold my own hand, or a sweaty drink, ice melted and floating to the top

standing in the back corner of the show, or next to the speakers

i eat up sound, and yawn

unless im drunk, and then i dance

I wish I wasn’t this way

washed with body phobia

a soap that stinks, literally looks like a smell, when i stand with my arms crossed, curse like a sailor, drink whiskey like im parched 

i think you can all see right through me

its hot breath

that sunk itself into the pavement to burn the neighborhood cat paws

fuck this summer 

no eating habits

no friends with porches

no tall lanky leos

full throttle full forced intimacy

the smell under my finger nails; cheers to the hell that serves off brand dr pepper in glass bottles, and ties blankets around your back like capes, and eats rice pudding with you

with cinnamon, old cinnamon so none of it moves when your breath hovers over the plastic cup

fuck how i forgot how to read, and how i jump at every sensation, wondering if its just a bug

we eat pasta and butter with our fingers because we get messy or get clean

we date older men who want children

we date older men who are afraid to want at all, but want us, that’s explainable 

explain yourself

my mother said

you made me forget who i am

i’m proud of you

20 the year of the plum

21 the year of grapefruit

22 the year of the what

i have to clean like christmas like spring the day before

and swallow lots of pills and lots of vitamins

B I was in the garden today,

pulling up weeds

pulled up one so large it destroyed three flowers

and three roots

I left the weeds next to the dirt patch, and ran inside as it began to rain

my friends, they drank, on the porch and we talked about you today

we talked about the roots, and the flowers, and you today

we talked about dreams 

about teeth and hair

work dreams

dreams about shopping, and money

dreams within dreams

what a long month it has been.

the phone hasn’t hung itself up, and the dial tone vibrates on the wood floor

the clothes are piled by the chest of drawers like used car tires or mail from a previous tenant, waiting for the right place, in the wrong place

not all of them are mine

a pair of your underwear hangs from the desk chair

and i can’t ever seem to get the sheets straight on my own 

we have inflated each others lives

echoing with light from outside

light changes the color of every thing

and when the rain stops, my friends, and I