F A I T H;

⌈ ;;out of groove. ⌋

Hello my lovely friends & followers;

As the title might implies, I'm going to have a (hopefully) short hiatus from Charles. I'm not sure how long it will take, nor exactly how things will proceed after that.

However; the hiatus has absolutely nothing to do with any of you; but only my own incapability of getting my life in order. Roleplaying is a passion, a hobby and trust me, I love Charles and I love you; but I need to get some very important things sorted out, before I can focus on anything else again. I'm just breaking myself the way I do things now.

He desperately willed his blush to fade - faint as it was, he felt it betrayed his highly inappropriate thoughts about this, god, do you really want to get fired at the end of your second week? Get a grip, he’s a student for crying out loud. But there was little he could do about the electric shock that jolted through him and deepened the flush when their skin touched. Student, he reminded himself firmly as he glared angrily at the insolent young man. I would love to kiss that smirk off your face.

Only ten minutes into his class he thought to wonder what see you later meant when he hadn’t actually given Xavier detention. He’d only issued him a warning for now, after all.

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                Charles knew he was playing very dangerously, strictly forbidden and highly illegal even; yet he couldn’t care less. Mister Erik Lehnsherr had been his guilty nighttime fantasy ever since the first day of the new semester; ever since they’d run into each other in the hallway, because Charles had been studying his new timetable instead of looking out where he was actually going. When he’d found out the next day that aforementioned teacher would be one of his newly assigned tutors, the game had been on.

                He wasn’t very keen on getting suspended; yet seeing Mr. Lehnsherr’s flushed face, those impossibly beautiful eyes going wide and dark at Charles’ bold flirtations, was completely worth the risk.

                When he finally got back to his place, Charles flopped down himself with a quiet huff; practically sprawling on his seat, before he ran his hands through his hair in order to mess it up even more. He was quite sure Mr. Lehnsherr would very soon stare at him again, so Charles slowly put his pen between his lips, smiling around the edge in heady anticipation; wondering if the very suggestive note inside his paper would be enough for Mr. Lehnsherr’s promised detention.

Erik looked at the papers on his desk. Anywhere that was not this particular student, and especially not this particular student’s seductive eyes, plush pink lips, pale throat, or even his hands for crying out loud! I am doomed. He cleared his throat.

"It means that and that you will be working on copying the current chapter from your textbook backwards by hand, Mr. Xavier. Now sit down and do try not to interrupt my class.”

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                It was almost adorable; the way Mr. Lehnsherr's steely expression was softened by the red tinge on his cheeks, the way his mouth twichted slightly, when he deliberately tried not to look at the student in front of him. Charles had to bite down on his lips to suppress the quiet laughter rising up his throat; admiring the beautiful blush on his teacher's face just a second longer, before he leaned further towards him.

                «Well; see you later then, Mr. Lehnsherr.»

                Charles' voice dropped suggestively at those last words, soundly releasing his lower, now swollen, lip from his teeth. He slowly handed his finished paper to Mr. Lehnsherr, deliberately twisting his wrist the right moment, so their hands would brush against each other, before he turned around with another wolfish smile.

Every tear Charles shed burnt into his raw soul as yet another debt to pay. Every desperate statement – I blame you, you fuck up and run, I curse you, I’d end it – shook the foundations of his validation for being here. Why did he presume the right to inflict himself on the broken man who meant too much to him, whom he had broken? What makes it different?

It was instinct that made him rush to support Charles when the device faltered. Erik stopped himself just before he could trespass and put his arms around his friend; even if his heart was aching to comfort him he was uncertain yet if he had any to offer. 

“You can’t be sure.” The words came slowly, wrenched from his constricted throat. Yet he had to believe he’d changed. The moment he had lowered the gun had been a physical manifestation of that change within him. It had been the sudden realisation that he could put it down. That he was capable of rising above his rage, that he could control it rather than be controlled by it. “You can’t be sure,” He repeated, putting more strength behind his words, “but I am.”

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               The uncomfortable sensation at his back slowly became borderline painful, making his arms and shoulders ache from the weight of his body, the more his legs gave in to his affliction. However, Charles couldn’t lean against the desk to keep himself upright either; fearing the device could get damaged from too much pressure. There was just one other way left, before he lost his footing entirely.

                If Charles’ heart hadn’t been racing already from Erik’s sudden move towards him or the hopeful conviction in his voice, it certainly was, when he pushed himself off from the edge of his bureau; closing the distance between them with a shaky step. Averting Erik’s gaze, Charles leaned against his chest; hands tightly gripping his jacket.

                «Please tell me this isn’t just a dream and I will wake up all alone again. Tell me; promise me, that you really mean it. I love you, Erik; but I don’t think my heart can take it, if you say those things to me and just vanish again.»

                With a shuddering breath Charles shut his eyes and turned his head, pressing his face against the soft fabric of Erik’s shirt; hoping his device won’t fail him now.

sirchxrles:

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|| Good for my lungs, yet bad for my mood, it's rainy, my mum is like a hawk (she doesn't know I'm occasionally smoking; oops.) and the access to my balcony is currently not available. But hey; I didn't sleep at all the last ten hours and still have at least ten to go; so no sorrowful sleep. *snorts*

*glares at student Charles* “Do that again, Mr. Xavier, and it’s detention for you.”

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                A veiled smile played around Charles' features; taking in the faint blush sitting high on Mr. Lehnsherr’s cheekbones with a quiet hum.

                «Does detention mean you and me, alone; stuck in one room together for one and a half hours?»

sirchxrles replied to your post

You should get some rest darling :( I'll bug you tomorrow to see what you're up to. There's no point dealing over it but if apologising is possible, do it as soon as possible, preferably face-to-face or through a phone call.

|| I can't find sleep and actually I just want to smoke my entire pack of emergency cigarettes and drink myself silly. *snorts*

I think I made a terrible mistake and just ruined one of the most understanding friendships I ever had earlier that day, because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and cared too much (not that way; though I already managed that too, sadly). Good job, Lilly; that’s exactly why you will end up depressed and lonely every single time. INFP my arse.

offline.

                                                                           ⌉  |      ×      |  ⌊

⌈ to do ⌋

* drafts: 30. * starters: 2. * memes: 2. * icons & GIFcons. ⌈ currently; X-Men: First Class.⌋ * very serious editing. ⌈ get my bloody templates, tags and posts in order; pages for charles' sake; pretty theme. ⌋

⌈ charles' & mun's mood ⌋

What is this; I actually do drafts and publish them, yet instead of diminishing they multiply? *groans* Anyway, my mind needs sleeeeep. *falls face first into her mountain of pillows*

"I think I would have to agree with that…tell me how did this happen?"

|⌊      ×      ⌉|    —

                «Actually, I don't have the faintest idea. Yet; that's not the point. Any suggestions how we fix this?»

|⌊      ×      ⌉|    —

                «Well; that was…unexpected.»

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                «I used to know you so well.»