life

Going through a very raw transition within myself. I’m becoming exactly who I prayed to become, maintaining really level headed throughout my lows and striving to be the best “me” that I could be. Instead of being disappointed within myself and talking to myself as my worst enemy, I’ve been talking kinder and more humble to myself. I’m affirming myself that yes, I can be my worst critic but I can also be my best friend too. I’m no longer getting caught in between who “I think” cares for me and who doesn’t - I’m calling it and taking it how I see it. I no longer allow myself to hold in, bottle up or conceal what bothers me or may hurt my feelings to spare the feelings of others. I’ve learned that that doesn’t do anything but hurt me, make me feel even more misunderstood and lonely in my own thoughts. I’m not allowing myself to find comfort in my pain just because there’s nothing else to find comfort in at that moment. I’m acknowledging my feelings more and listening to how I feel so I don’t hinder my own growth or conceal my mental health. I’ve began to realize that sometimes I am going to be put in unfortunate situations or around people that make me feel uncomfortable not for a day but maybe months/years. I am going to want to be alone for awhile sometimes and I shouldn’t feel rushed to give an explanation to others in the process of trying to pick myself back up. I’m not going to pressure myself to constantly try and figure out where I stand with people and what position I hold - either tell me what it is or don’t bother telling me at all and miss out on your opportunity of once being able to tell me exactly what it was. I’m understanding that in the process of someone else healing and hurting, building and burning that they may hurt me in the process. I may hurt some too. I’m learning to let go because letting go is a form of love too that sometimes I may not even understand but have to have enough belief in myself to let that cycle play its course. I’m telling myself that things happen and sometimes there are just things we don’t have control over…especially the people who find pleasure in being negative and/or put others down around them. I’m also coming to terms that I don’t necessarily need to be strong all the time and I don’t need to be positive all the time - there is a blessing in being able to bring yourself to a vulnerable state and recognizing that. I don’t feel I need to go out my way, through loops and turns for anyone who can’t see my true value because they can’t even value themselves properly. I’ve came to a place where anyone and everything can go because I’ve built a strong enough foundation within myself to know that anything that comes can go and anything that goes can come back - I have full power of who I’m surrounding myself around at the end of the day. I’m learning that love can come in different forms and take the shape of various people and different times too - even if it’s a short interaction or limelight moment. I’m learning that all that matters in this life is how many people you can impact in a positive way - everything else is either a blessing on top of what I already have, what’s to come or a lesson that helps me be able to influence someone else even more to keep going and see another day. I’m loving to just be wholesomely me unapologetically at every second of this life in all ways, always.