The lid on my brother's urn has started to protrude.

Do ashes expand?

I worry.

Why does it matter? When you're dead, you're dead.

Some people are simply not compatible. To think that I spent so much of my relationship trying to achieve and fulfill an idea that simply was not me. Why would I do such a thing? Honestly, I thought and sometimes still think that I am not capable of being loved or sought out by anyone, and so for me to find a person who promised me that I would do whatever it took to hold onto them even if meant I was a shell of a person.

Some people are simply not compatible.

Now I've reached a point where I'm embracing my interests that encompass who I am as a person. I want to be able to seek out my passions in life without the constraints of someone else's doubts. I want to love what I do and how I spend my free time. I don't want my life choices to be dictated by thoughts and ideas that don't belong to anyone but myself. If my choices lead me into failure, disaster, pain and suffering then so be it, at least I can say I they were mine and only mine. Of course I'm exaggerating to an extent, but I just want to be the creative person I know I've always been.

I wrote a few of these paragraphs maybe three months ago, but I saved it to my drafts and now I find myself reading the thoughts above and not really sure what stopped me. It sounds like I was getting a grasp on life, on my life but it’s simply not true. Life is turbulent. I have aspirations, but my fears are greater, they’re all encompassing. I don’t exactly know if I should leave my original closer to this post or not. Sure, I believe what I wrote and I want to be what I wrote, but will I? What good does it do me to be daydreaming? 

The Ropes - Love Is A Chain Store

Bon Iver  - Skinny Love