Westeros Bound

no thoughts just the progression of Theon not even trying to help the captain's daughter (whose name he won't even think) → Theon trying and failing to escape with Kyra → Theon successfully escaping with Jeyne??? and all the women are victims of sexual exploitation (the first two by Theon himself)??? and he only succeeds in escaping once he starts identifying himself with whoredom. a triumph of solidarity. the arc of all time.

Asha ‘the trees hate us’ Greyjoy vs Theon ‘the trees know my name :)’ Greyjoy

theon wouldve done what corolianus did but he would Feel Bad About It and Be Haunted

Covid-19 pandemic ASOIAF au where Theon devises a get-rich-quick scheme where he keeps intentionally contracting Covid so that he can sell positive antigen tests to people who want a few days off work. Robb and Catelyn find out and are furious that he put Bran at risk so they force him to get vaccinated, then send him to isolate on Pyke. Balon the devout anti-vaxxer turns him away from casa Greyjoy when he hears he got inoculated (Balon passes away from Covid two weeks later when Euron returns from his travels with a strain no one has seen before or since). Theon vows to return to Winterfell and get his revenge by breathing heavily on every surface (in order to become a more efficient superspreader, he stops washing on the day he leaves Pyke). On his return journey, Theon is captured by the ever nefarious Ramsay Bolton who attempts to unvaccinate him by seeing how much blood he can syringe out of Theon’s body in one sitting.