Wide thoughts across the Sea.

Wow. I haven’t written here in a looong ass time. Thought I’d write short but sweet updates on my thesis process.  I totally just deactivated my FB and Instagram. First time in YEARS. It’s only been a few hours but I think I’m totally in a better position to write than before. Already wrote a paragraph. Yay. Now it all just has to make sense...and yeah...I need to write 3 more papers. Fun timez. With references. And have it all make sense.  Let’s go clusterfuck! I am BACK.

Today I am thinking about a lot of things. The year is coming to a close and I feel like everything is kind of up in the air. I do enjoy it in some weird way. Like I always do. The precarity of condition. The seemingly unstructured, raw, unplanned life. It kind of makes me feel alive. I cam to this city not knowing where I'll go, not knowing where I'll end up, or the Country I moved to will. I just knew I had a curiosity. A curiosity for diving into an area of work that was always there - but never really took time for itself. This year I decided to give it time. I'm really invested in it. I'm glad I'm here. And my mind is too. My body is a little shaky with it towards the end of the first semester. Some of the things that I had happen to me before...happen to me again. Anxiety...heart beats that sounded strange, although everyone assured me that they are normal. I, however, think that I know where they come from. I think they are cries of a heart that I broke this year. My own heart. I had to break it, for it was eating me up. Eating my life with worries and sadness over a boy who left and is wondering about whether to return or not. Keeping me suspended in the air - not knowing where ground and where heaven is.

Throwback... . . . #Istanbul #Bosphorus #Bosphoruscruise #Turkey #Water #menswear #suit #tie #sunset #fish #preppy #smooth #peaceplayers #Koç #vsco #vscocam #vscogrid #caughtintheact (at Istanbul, Turkey) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq4XQN1B-rt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15c8vrribxpx2

Throwback... . . . #Bosphorus #Bosphoruscruise #Turkey #Water #menswear #suit #tie #sunset #fish #preppy #smooth #peaceplayers #Koç #vsco #vscocam #vscogrid #caughtintheact (at Bosphorus Boat Tour) https://www.instagram.com/p/5tCpFTFZp8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7sxzfaq4zyph