do not go gentle into that good night

“I, uhhh….” Charlie stuttered as he watched the woman mess with her high heels. He had never been particularly adept at talking to strangers, always preferring to keep to his own devices. He just had a hard time relating to other people, especially when he was so used to be isolated and alone, usually only with some kind of creature to keep him company. Charlie nodded slightly as the woman talked about charming her shoes. “No, sorry, there uh-…” He stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “There isn’t actually anyone sitting there, I was just hoping to have the table to myself.” He said, as he gestured to his papers strewn across the table.

❝Oh❞ Astoria said understanding what had happened, ❝I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you❞ she somehow felt worse than when she believed she had been taking someone’s seat. She knew she should leave immediately, apologize again, and just take her heels and leave, but her curiosity got the best of her and she could not help but glance at all the papers scattered on the table. ❝Dragons!❞ she said excitedly, ❝my sister loves all magical creatures, she would be fascinated by all of this❞ Astoria gestured at the table, finally meeting the eyes of the person she had rudely invaded their space, there was something oddly familiar about them. ❝Are you researching dragons for like a book or article? Sorry are you someone famous?❞ she could stop herself from asking, ❝your face is so familiar, I don’t know where I’ve seen it before...❞

The fact was and remained, no matter the circumstances, that if someone threw around a word or phrase too often, it lost all meaning. Draco had plenty of opportunities to learn all about the strange phenomenon that it was. He found out that he did it himself, that he kept repeating that he was fine, thank you very much so many times during his sixth year that he was getting side-eyed for it and that one of the Slytherins even said that ‘I know, you’re fine, you keep saying that but it doesn’t mean anything.’ Fine was a foreign land because it meant nothing. Similarly, he heard his mother make small talk with others for years and he knew exactly when she wasn’t comfortable because she always dropped the same words. Lovely. Wonderful. How exquisite. The way his mother used the word lovely was the way Astoria used the word life-changing. Way too many times until it ceased to have any sort of meaning.  “Life’s too short to pretend that sweets make anything better at all,” Draco replied. In his opinion, they really didn’t. In fact, he was of the opinion that they made life worse most of the time. He was a cynic, maybe, and he was too realistic, surely, but at least he wasn’t lying to himself like the majority of the population seemed to be these days. Bitter and sarcastic at least meant he was being truthful and wasn’t that worth something too?  He felt that his relationship with Pansy was none of anyone’s business. In fact, it wasn’t a feeling; it was fact. It just wasn’t. If he wanted to be with Pansy, that was that. If he didn’t want to be with Pansy and screw a bunch of people instead, that was also just that. “You assumed that just because we dated in fifth and seventh year, we were meant to be together? We would get married, have kids and live happily ever after?” he filled in the blanks that she left when she trailed off. “No, thank you. I don’t believe in happily ever afters and Pansy and I were never meant to be.” It was a mess in fifth year and a comfort blanket in seventh and looking back, it was all fine now. They were close friends and they loved each other. “So should I be asking about your love life now? Or lack thereof?” It seemed that Astoria was finally distracted from analyzing every aspect of his life - his love life, his dislike of sweet things, what was next? - with Draco’s deadpan joke, but she got distracted again seconds afterwards. “Right, my dislike for animals, something I discuss daily,” he noted sarcastically. “You know what people do, sometimes, Astoria?” he questioned. “They take information, they process it quietly and they don’t ask about every single thing. It’s a very well-known method. You could try it once.” No, he was not going to talk about his dislike for magical creatures and animals alike.Could he not dislike things quietly and without having to discuss them? “So. That movie. What is it about, anyway?”

Astoria scoffed at Draco’s words. One day -she would make sure of it- he would realize that sweets did make things better, perhaps she will eventually get him to try one of the blended coffee beverages and he will finally see what she has known for a while, life is better with sugar in it. In the mean time she would have to concede this argument, after all ever since she started this friendship (she would always consider it a friendship, but is it time to maybe revisit it? Draco didn’t seem to keen on the fact that she considered them friends, perhaps she was just pushing him too much, a muggle theater must be more than enough) she hasn’t seen him drink anything other than pitch black coffee. 

There was a part of Astoria that didn’t know how to react, while it had been a surprise to hear about him and Pansy not being together, greatly out of the story she had built for the two older slytherins in her mind -kinda like when you make up a story about one of your heroes, in this case someone born and raised in pureblood society who maybe made it to a happy ending- she could not understand why Draco sounded so mad? Was it something she had said, or did he just feel like people were already meddling in his private life enough as it was? The Ministry kept an eye on him, as it did with every child of a death eater, Astoria included, she knew what it was like. But there was not way she was going to say that, because that’s not what they did, at least not anymore, the talk of painful things and shared trauma was behind them. They had to try and move forward. ❝I mean if you want to, ‘cause that’s what friends do...❞ she said with a shrug, trying to ignore the fact that he had highlighted her lack of a love life. It was a choice, and not one she was ready to explain to Draco right now.

The usual effect she seemed to cast over him washed over him, and he relished in the smile that it brought when she spoke. “Shame on you Greengrass, are you using your name to get you places,” he teased, and even as he was speaking the words, the irony wasn’t lost on him. Their names didn’t mean as much as they used to, but if he were truly honest, he must preferred it that way. “You know I’m good at brewing a Polyjuice, we can easily disguise ourselves and make a fortune,” he joked and made a big show of taking a big bite out of his ice-cream, crunching into the cone.

“They’d have a conniption,” he spoke through almost a full mouth of ice-cream. “The Wyvern and the Ministry, I mean, they may have to rebrand the Alley and before you know it, it’ll be gentrified and, to lack a better term, boring,” he smiled. Keeping beneath the rader of the Ministry had been his father’s game, and by default, Theo also had to play. He recalled the sit down he’d had, barely days after they’d returned home after the trial, where their plans were then laid, and Theo realised just how much he didn’t want to be included in the plans. He’d made the mistake of voicing his opinions and that had earned him an unspeakable talking to. 

“You’re the one with the job, Astoria,” he smiled softly, looking down at the hand that reached for his. He didn’t liked contact from many people, and yet, yearned for it, and her soft hand was a welcome one in his. He gave it a gentle squeeze, and feeling as if it were beyond what he was allowed, slowly pulled his hand back, making a show of reaching for napkins. “But speaking of, how is it going?” He arched a brow. “Tell me, regale me with the tales of a glamourous working woman, even if you are the blackest cauldron between the two of us.”

Astoria wouldn’t dare to joke about their current situation as children of Death Eaters with anyone else, sure they were others who had it worse than her, but they were a few, after all not everyone’s parents were locked up in Azkaban because they had declared their full support to the Dark Lord while on trial, while the other parent had died because of the war. Some still had both parents, safe and sound, under Ministry surveillance, but still by their side. Even so, she wouldn’t joke with any other people, because other people were not Theo. Aside from her sister, Theo was the only other person Astoria felt she didn’t have to pretend, or put on a brave face, or keep her everything is/will be fine attitude. Being around Theo had always felt safe, like nothing could harm her.

❝You know that’s not a bad idea❞ Astoria said with a mischievous smile, ❝not the getting rich scamming people part, the polyjuice potion, can you imagine all we could do if we didn’t look like us?❞ of course what she meant was if they didn’t look like a Greengrass and a Nott. How many times had she heard the phrase a dirigible plum doesn’t just float away from the bush, mostly thrown at her as an insult, full of hate for things she had no part of, or even idea that were happening. She was a child, they all were. ❝I’m obviously kidding, we would be arrested as soon as they suspected we were brewing the potion.❞

She let out a long tired sigh, ❝and I’m starting to regret getting one❞ Astoria had imagined her internship quite differently, ❝I- I mean it’s not like I was expecting it to be easy... but... I don’t know, I wonder if they are ever going to let me join a department or if I’m going to be an intern forever❞ she shrugged before going back to her ice cream. ❝I do get to hear some juicy stuff tho❞ she wiggled her eyebrows, ❝I was in a meeting where they were discussing whether or not to make contact with the muggle prime minister, apparently things are bad in the muggle government, everyone’s worried about how it’ll affect us❞ Astoria bit her lip, ❝yeah I made that sound more exciting that it was... it’s actually quite worrisome...❞ the world sucked, magical and muggle alike.

“It is the worst map I’ve ever seen drawn by another person,” He surmised with a nod. Percy looked towards the direction she pointed in, orientating the so-called-map for better reference. He didn’t consider himself particularly kind or just, but Percy Weasley was his mother’s son and that meant you helped in the best way you knew how. If that meant sitting up until midnight helping his dorm mate with his Arithmancy homework when he was in Hogwarts or making sure someone didn’t get hopelessly lost, then that was what he was going to do. 

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of time.” He assured her gently with a smile, he knew the feeling. Percy disliked imposing himself on others, he imagined Astoria did too. Though he didn’t know her particularly well, he could fill in the blanks. She was from a particular background, and given the current climate those backgrounds were controversial and not necessarily well loved. 

“How about… we go… That way?” He suggested, pointing towards the alleyway he’d figured to lead to the apothecary in question.

❝Thank you❞ Astoria couldn’t stop herself from saying again, the intern job had seemed like a good idea, mainly because Astoria believed that if she wanted to be treated just and fair she had to prove that she had earned a spot in the Ministry by working from the bottom. But a part of her wondered if she would ever be treated fair, most people would never look past her last name, most people would never forgive her -for things she had no hand in. But that wasn’t going to stop her from trying. 

❝Sounds good❞ Astoria said following after Percy. There were quite a few memories she had about Percy, mainly how he had been head boy when she first arrived at Hogwarts, and then how he looked so young next to all the Ministry officials when the Triwizard tournament happened. A thought suddenly crossed her mind, and she had a feeling Percy would be honest with her.

Astoria took a deep breath before asking, ❝do you like your job?❞ 

Astoria was kind for offering. She really was, even if Parvati doubted she could really help. Especially since then Parvati felt like it would be rude to not include her in the festivities but who was in their social venn diagram that they could invite to a party together?

“Maybe. And I really appreciate the offer,” Parvati began but then idea came to mind, “Would you maybe be wiling to help me out in the future though? Hosting parties and soirees or whatever gets passed around at one of the offices I work at and I just know my times going to come up eventually. It’d be nice to have someone on my team ready to help,” she offered Astoria a small smile, “And, maybe until that time comes, we can also hang out?”

❝Of course! I’d love to. My sister keeps saying how I need to get a hobby❞ it was partially true, but somehow telling Parvati about how Astoria’s childhood had been filled with lessons on event planning for when she took her place in pureblood society didn’t seem like a good idea, ❝and planning things does bring me a lot of joy❞ Astoria said with a smile. ❝Where do you work if you don’t mind me asking❞ she was just realizing there was little she knew about Parvati, or anyone outside the Ministry to be honest.

“Yes, that was my goal,” she replied half-seriously. “Nice to see you around Astoria. Right now I’m just back for the summer, really. Dad’s doing great and so is R-um, my work. You?”

❝Really?❞ Astoria asked surprised, she didn’t understand why someone like Luna -who in Astoria’s mind was very well liked- would want to stop people from recognizing her. ❝That’s good to hear❞ she said with a smile, ❝where are you working?❞ Astoria wondered what kind of job Luna Lovegood would’ve chosen. 

Bill glanced at her, a little confused, but he wasn’t really in a position to say no to some more coffee… even if it was the fourth cup he had in ten hours. “Thank you, that’s kind of you” he said with a smile. 

❝No problem❞ Astoria said with a smile, ❝is everything alright?❞ she asked, not sure if the man was going to think she was being nosy, but she had already intruded in what had seemed a conversation with himself, how bad could it actually be to ask, ❝is there anything I can do to help?❞ she did the one thing she was very good at, offering help. ❝I’m Astoria Greengrass❞ she said extending a hand towards the person, who had a familiar air about him.

Fay wasn’t even surprised when she told her that she didn’t have a phone. Barely anyone in the wizarding community did and the only people she really can talk to are her mother (who only got it because Fay answered the phone faster than she wrote letters) and the relatives from her father’s side who are all Muggles. “It’s convenient and not really that difficult to use.” Fay cocked her head to the side. “But I get that not a lot of people in the community uses technology.”

She placed the phone back into her pocket and held her hand out with a smile. “I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Fay Dunbar.”

❝Nice to meet you Fay❞ Astoria said shaking the girl’s hand, ❝I’m Astoria, I- I don’t know if you already knew my name, I mean I know you know my last name but-❞ she let out a small laugh, ❝sorry I’m much better at first interactions...❞ she added shaking her head.

Astoria had been toying with the idea of getting a phone, but part of her was not convinced using muggle tech would be a good idea, not because she considered it inferior, but it just felt wrong. And when those thoughts invaded her mind she wondered if she wasn’t just still thinking the way her parents -her mother- wanted her to. But then again, was she just thinking of using muggle tech, so people wouldn’t label her as a muggle hater? It was complicated.

❝Yeah, one of my coworkers keeps saying how getting a phone would make life easier for us, but I- I just can’t seem to bring myself to get one...❞

(( @thegrassisusuallygreener ))

August, 2019  Lunch time The Magical Menagerie, Diagon Alley

While it had become tradition to have dinner once or twice a week, plus Sunday dinners with their uncle, Astoria missed her sister more than she ever had ever missed her. As the youngest there was no part of her life where Astoria had not known Daphne, her sister had always been there for her, and even as Daphne went to Hogwarts -and Astoria missed her for the first time in her life- Astoria knew her sister was there, would always be there, by her side, no matter what.

And then the war happened and they were left to pick up the pieces of what once had been a good life, sure their mother was difficult, but their father loved them more than anything in the world, and they had each other -always had had each other. It turned out that losing their parents to the cause, as their mother had always called it, would for the first time test their bond. But Astoria was stubborn, and while she understood Daphne’s need for space, she was determined to hang on to her sister.