Taken from various sources. Feel free to change pronouns as needed
“Let’s make mischief of one kind or another”
“I solemnly swear I am up to no good”
“I like to make people who hate me hate me even more”
“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.”
“Stop telling me how to live my life!”
“I’m your conscience. It’s my job.”
“Excuse me, I was under the impression that I was not going to be executed today.”
“Oh calm down that was years ago. Your life doesn’t look too ruined to me.”
“What part of ‘I don’t want to get shot and thrown in jail’ do you not understand”
“What are friends for if they aren’t willing to tie other friends to chairs and lock them in random basements.”
“I’m moderately functional.”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“If it wasn’t totally unethical, I would definitely black mail you with this.”
“Because you’re a beacon of ethics, right?”
“That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”
“I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”
“Well at least we know the fire alarm works.”
“Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!”
“The more knives you have the more valid you are.”
“Here, hold my morals. I’ve got some sketchy shit to take care of.”
“May fortune favor the fuckups.”
“Trouble usually finds me.”
“Wow, sarcasm. That’s original.”
“Judge if you want, we are all going to die. I intend to deserve it”
“In my defense I was left unsupervised.”
“I licked it so it’s mine.”