Okay.

It’s okay, though. I know moments felt tender and things were so different and new.

Guess I should say I learned from the best that violence & avoiding subjects is always the solution. Guess I should say I was bound to fail from the start.

When did I get so good at disappearing?

You make glad I exist.

And me? I feel lifeless. My body moves in ways I do not recognize or condone, it is alive and doing as it pleases. But me? I am tired. I am lifeless. I’ve been strung along too many times and I can’t count all the the ways that I’ve learned harshness on my fingers and toes. It’s never been enough for my mind to just accept that this is where I am. My head needs to wrap itself around the fact that I am much more than just me now, but it’s something I can’t even begin to understand. I want to be better, but this isn’t just about me. Center stage, lights blaring, a whole world of eyes on me. This is not just about me anymore.

I feel hollow. There’s a few thoughts and emotions that remain from previous versions of me, thoughts and emotions that will not fade or dim.

I thought I’d never have to see your face again! I’m going to break my hand.

I don’t even know how to function as a normal being holy fuck?