I think the thing that upsets me the most about my completely dysfunctional relationship with my mom is that it ruined my relationship with my sister too. Bc after my mom decided she didn’t like me when I was very young, she started poisoning my sister against me. I can remember being like 10 years old and hearing them talk shit about me when they didn’t know I was in the next room. With my mom leading the charge ofc. Incredibly fucked up to a) have beef with a kid as a grown ass woman and b) take that kid’s best friend in the world away from her over it.

Anyway I wish I didn’t remember what my relationship with my sister was like before my mom started doing that. Bc we *were* best friends. We made potions and mud pies together. We had sword fights with sticks. We used to get in trouble bc we shared a room and wouldn’t stop yapping at bedtime, my dad used to have yell “GIRLS stop talking and go to sleep!!” at us every night. We had a bunk bed but we both slept on the bottom so we could chatter and play with our toys until we fell asleep.

But my mom made her think less of me on purpose. She made her see me as Bad. So now my relationship with my sister is essentially identical to my relationship with my mom. She doesn’t ever reach out to me. She makes zero effort to maintain contact at all. She started distancing herself from me toward the end of elementary school and got very impatient and short with me all the time and it’s never been the same since. The one difference is I do believe my sister loves me (whereas I don’t think my mom does). She will on occasion do really thoughtful stuff, usually on my birthdays, that makes me feel like she looks back fondly on the before times too. But I also don’t think she believes that was ruined by our mom. She just thinks what our mom has always told her to think, which is that I am inherently bad and it makes sense to dislike me. So I do think my sister loves me, but it’s an “in spite of everything about you” kind of love. Which is really sad.