Do you have any suggestions for if I or anyone else run into Tim Curry? Like how to not creep him out and such?
I assume you mean ‘in the supermarket’ not ‘in my car’ - because that requires a completely different chat.
I’ll do my best to list several suggestions.
How Not To Creep Tim Curry Out In Gelsons By DTCWYSD
1. Don’t shout ‘OMFG FRANK N FURTER!'
2. Don’t shout 'I SWEAR TO GOD I’M NOT STALKING YOU’.
3. Don’t exclaim 'HOLY FUCK YOU’RE TIM CURRY!'
4. Don’t stare into his shopping cart and start laughing hysterically whilst repeating 'Splenda - everyone loves Splenda - I’m looking at Tim Curry’s Splenda. This Splenda I’m looking at is GOING HOME TO LIVE WITH TIM CURRY. Wow. Splenda'
5. Don’t try and climb into his shopping cart.
6. Don’t try and climb into his shopping cart whilst chanting “buy me, Tim Curry! Buy me!! BUY ME, TIM CURRY!”
8. Don’t start unbuckling his belt.
9. Don’t start unbuckling YOUR belt.
10 Don’t start hyperventilating.
11. Don’t start hyperventilating whilst unbuckling his belt.
12. Don’t start hyperventilating whilst unbuckling YOUR belt.
13. Don’t creep up behind him and sniff his hair.
14. Don’t creep up behind him at all.
15. Don’t say 'You’re him? Aren’t you?’
16. Don’t ask him where his tambourine is.
17. Don’t tell him he’s smashing.
18. Don’t ask him to father your children.
19. Don’t ask him if he wants a ride home.
20. Don’t ask him 'if he’s bought any good Häagen-Dazs lately'
21. Don’t tell him you’re his biggest fan.
22. Don’t tell him you thought he was great in Hook.
23. Don’t point to alcohol-based items in his trolley and say 'IT’S STIMULATING!'
24. Don’t ask him if he’s ever visited Tumblr.
25. Don’t tell him how WEIRD??????? you are coz you found him 'so hot in Rocky Horror'
26. Don’t tell him you’ve seen 'everything he’s ever done’.
27. Don’t tell him you’d like to have seen him as the joker in Batman.
28. Don’t tell him he’d make a great Dr Who.
29. Don’t offer him a blowjob.
30. Don’t offer him a Milk Dud.
31. Don’t offer him anything.
32. Don’t tell him he’s 'much shorter than you imagined'
33. Don’t tell him he’s 'much better looking in real life’.
34. Don’t ask him 'what he’s doing here’.
35. Don’t ask him if he likes to have sex with men.
36. Don’t start sweating and tell him you’ve come on holiday to LA and spent every day in Gelson’s wine aisle.
37. Don’t pull out your phone and start showing him photos of you dressed as Frank N Furter.
38. Don’t say 'I actually saw you in Annie before I saw Rocky Horror'
39. Don’t tell him you still wanted to fuck the shit out of him in his Criminal Minds Make-up.
40. Don’t make any reference to wanting to fuck the shit out of him in general.
42. Don’t be presumptuous.
43. Don’t be insensitive.
44. Don’t be afraid to approach him calmly and respectfully.
45. Don’t ask him to sign every single piece of merchandise you’ve ever bought (which just so happens to be in your handbag)
46. Don’t require two pens.
47. Don’t outstay your welcome.
48. Don’t assume he owes you his time.
50. Don’t be scared. He’s the loveliest man alive.
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