gracie

“You looked pretty perfect out there,” Billie finally broke the silence, gesturing back towards inside.

“Oh goodness, thank you. That's been my dream since I was a little girl.” Billie shifted back a bit, confused at your response. 

“To look perfect, kinda not really a choice when you’re the Viscount's eldest daughter. That and my mother and father met at her first ball, so... not getting engaged this summer is unacceptable.”

“Wow, that’s…. deep.” She looked away from you out at the garden, a furrow in her brows. You immediately perked up, starting to apologize, making Billie chuckle.

“It’s alright, deep is more interesting than not. Better than any typical gossip going on in there.” You giggled with her, finally feeling like you were able to breathe for the first time that evening. 

“Oh, thank goodness I’m not the only one who feels that way.” You rested a hand on Billie's shoulder as you calmed down from your laughter.

“Really? Pretty boy didn’t sweep you off your dainty duchess-to-be feet?” She teased, poking at your side as she saw your bashfulness grow in your eyes.

“Consider me off my feet quite perfectly,” You sighed dreamily.

“Tell me about him.” She looked at you with such a gleam in her eyes, you almost forgot where you were. 

“Really?” She nodded with a warm smile as the candles and lanterns reflected in her eyes.

“Well,” you then proceeded to tell her everything about your whirlwind day with Alexander. How you two met this morning, your interactions earlier, your waltz. You truly felt yourself falling for him. You felt crazy feeling this way after just a few hours. But you continued, oblivious to Billie’s stare. 

ꕥ

You two had lost track of time, talking and walking around Lady Bennett’s gardens. You found yourselves at the edge of the garden, in a secluded stretch of grass and willow trees, creating little private pockets of space.

In between stories, Billie and you took turns sneaking glasses of champagne from the ballroom, leaving you both blissfully giggly and chatty; terribly scandalous. 

“You truly have never left London? Your whole life?” Billie asked. She was on her stomach, her head propped in her hands.

“Never,” you turned your head to look at her. You were lying on your back, your hands crossed neatly over your stomach. “We go to the countryside every winter, but I have never traveled further than that. 

“You’ll have to come visit Ireland one day. You’d love it over there.” You smiled at the thought of visiting her and her family. Maybe with a family of your own one day. You’d all lie out in the garden behind her home, a picnic blanket laid out for the little ones. Your husbands would watch the older ones romp around, while you and Billie gossiped behind your fans. 

“Yeah?” You smiled, turning on your side to face her better.

“Mmhmm, you’d fit right in with my friends and family back home.” The thought warmed your heart… and your face.

“Well, that’s very kind of you, Billie. I’d love to meet them one day.” Billie just smiled, studying your drowsy face in the moonlight. The sparkles from your tiara bounced off the light from the moon, sending little specks of light around the two of you, almost like magic. She couldn’t help herself, moving a stray piece of hair off your forehead, letting her hand rest on your cheek. You hummed at the feeling and closed your eyes.

“What does it feel like? To feel like you are falling in love?” She asked, softly caressing your soft skin. You kept your eyes closed as you explained, sleepily smiling between sentences.

“It feels like waking up after a hundred-year slumber. Like finally seeing color after living in black and white. Feels like eating a sweet for the first time in your life,” you giggled at that one. “I am not even sure I am in love; it has not even been one full day.”

“What about love at first sight? Do you believe in that?” You thought for a moment. Did you? Was it possible you fell in love at first glance today?

“Perhaps.” You opened your eyes softly, turning your head fully towards Billie, letting her continue to caress your face. 

“I do,” she whispered, so quietly you didn’t hear her.

“What do you think it feels like, falling in love?” you inquired, smiling teasingly. 

“I know what it feels like.” She quipped, smirking. She turned to lie on her back, the moon streaking across her face. Her skin was pale like marble, a perfect contrast to the dark lace and stones braided into her dark hair and across her dress. You admired her for a moment, both in shock at her answer and her sudden change in appearance thanks to the moonlight.

“You know what it feels like to be in love? What makes you so sure? I did not even see you dance with anyone tonight.” You giggled at her silly answer. Suddenly needing to be closer, you pushed yourself off your back and onto your stomach, effectively switching places with Billie. 

“You don’t have to dance with someone to fall in love with them, you do know what, don’t you?” You stared blankly at her, a little shocked. 

“Can I be quite honest with you?” You nodded. 

“I find all this,” she gestured to the house, “to be a bit fussy. If you truly want to love someone, you need to experience so much more than a few waltzes and calling hours. Spend time with them, talk with them, take them into the deep, dark, locked corners of your heart and let them fill it with light.” Her eyes were no longer that springtime blue from this morning, but a dark oceanic shade, and you felt yourself drowning. 

She paused for a moment, watching the leaves dance on the trees above her. “Maybe I should not be saying any of this; some might find it scandalous. But promise me, you will do more than dance with your future husband? Let him unravel you in ways tradition couldn’t even fathom.” 

“Billie… Billie, that’s beautiful.” You breathed out, your eyes wide as can be at her words. Your heart was thumping in your chest, and you only prayed she could not hear it. 

“You’re beautiful,” she chuckled, clearly the champagne taking control of her words. Once she said it, she froze, regretting saying anything.

“I mean, it’s just, of course, you’re very beautiful, I’m not trying to say you’re not, I just meant, I mean,” you giggled, slightly hovering over her as she stuttered. Her cheeks turned bright pink in embarrassment.

“Hush, Billie, it’s okay. Thank you for the compliment, you’re too kind.” You mirrored her actions from earlier, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. Before you could pull back, she grabbed your hand and held it to her cheek; her gloved hand was soft on yours.

“Don’t go yet,” she pleaded. You simply nodded, holding her face a bit closer. As if the drooping branches were like magic, suddenly the party all faded away. The orchestra no longer heard, the gossip and laughter faded into the night. All there was was you and Billie. Laid side by side, practically on top of one another, cradling each other as if you were two lovers, during your last night on Earth. Billie shifted onto her side so you could face each other. She didn’t let go of your hand, however. 

She brought them between you, threading her dark, gloved fingers through yours. You both watched the light bounce off your rings and bracelets, creating a kaleidoscope of light hidden between your two bodies. Billie noticed the little sparkles and twisted your wrist back and forth, watching the light dance around. You giggled and shifted closer to her. Lying shoulder to shoulder, you took turns playing around with the diamonds on each other's fingers and wrists, watching them like the stars. 

You turned to say something to her, only to bump your nose into hers as she turned her head at the same time. You gasped quietly, pulling back a bit; nothing more than a sweet “Oh!” falling from your lips. Before you could pull back entirely, Billie softly tilted your face back to look at hers. Neither of you spoke; you only drowned in each other's eyes. Billie leaned in so close you could feel her breath on your cheeks. Your lashes fluttered closed as she cradled your cheek closer, her lips almost pressing yours.

“Y/N!” A voice exclaimed from beyond the willow branches. You sat upright, making yourself dizzy, nearly tipping over. Billie caught your side, helping you sit up straight comfortably. You could hear footsteps approaching from the gardens, those of your mother who would be absolutely furious at your persistent absence from the dance floor this evening. 

“Y/N? For heaven's sake, where have you gone, child?” Just as you suspected, your mother was wandering the gardens looking for you. You could see some lanterns off in the distance, so without another breath, you hiked up your skirt and made your way to the closed-off entrance where you could reunite with them. The feeling of Billie's hand leaving your waist as you scurried off was what you imagined oxygen no longer entering your body would feel like. 

She stood in the center of the clearing, exactly where you two had just spent the evening together. She didn’t call after you or refuse to let go. She simply let you drift through her fingers and scurry off to find your family. 

What surprised her was that instead of brushing the willows aside and leaving with haste, you turned around and marched right back up to Billie with a force. Without thinking, you took her face into your hands and smashed your lips together. It was too quick for Billie to even register the feeling, but long enough for you both the pull away in a daze…

Somewhere on the balcony, guests watched as sparklers began to fill the sky. Golden, shiny, and bright. The lights shot off into the stars, coating the night in amber and gold. You eventually made your way out from under the tree, claiming to have needed some fresh air after such an exhilarating waltz with Alexander. Alexander.

You watched him on the balcony, standing alone, watching the sparklers shoot into the sky. You should be standing at his side, shouldn’t you… You turned back to the tree, where, sure enough, your little black swan was standing watching the sparklers herself. She had a small smile on her face, which you were sure was tinged pink.

Had you just made a huge mistake? You looked back at Alexander, who was already looking at you. He waved politely, her eyes deep and longing even from across the courtyard. You waved back, and he turned away.

Had you just messed everything up? You turned to look back at the tree, where Billie was looking at you. Her smile grew tenfold at your gaze, making you smile in return.

“You have quite the list of guests during calling hours tomorrow already, darling,” your mother whispered over your shoulder. You smiled and tried to look excited for her. She stood by your side, kissing your temple and hugging you into her side. 

God… what were you going to do? 

after using the bathroom, and with billie carefully walking behind you, you two made your way downstairs to the kitchen. she picked you up slightly so you could sit on the counter, picking at a bowl of strawberries she pulled from the fridge.

“sooo, that was new tonight!”

you almost snorted out a piece of strawberry at her nonchalance regarding your guys’ sex life. talking as if it was a new song on the set list, or a new perfume you were using.

“yeah, i kinda liked it though. maybe not every time, but i really enjoyed it.”

“yeah?? okay good to know.” seriously, it was like this was a new recipe she was getting approval for or something much more domestic than new positions or gimmicks while having sex.

you just giggled and rolled your eyes. she leaned in to peck your cheek a few times before giving it a true kiss. she patted your thigh a few times, carefully taking the empty bowl from you. you hopped down carefully, snaking your arms around her waist while she rinsed out the dish.

“sleepy?”

“mmhmmm.” billie giggled.

“okay sleepy girl.” she squeezed one of your hands, turning off the tap with the other.

she held your hand the whole 27 second walk back to your guys’ bedroom where she went to your pjs drawer, pulling out some clean soft pjs for you. softly, she helped you change, tossing your dirty pjs in the laundry basket. she helped you step into the pj pants, and buttoned the pj top closed for you.

“you spoil me.” you whispered, flushed. billie just looked up and winked.

you got settled in bed, and she sat down in your lap, straddling your hips. she tilted your head back, coaxing you to close your eyes. without any protest from you, she began to remove your makeup for you. careful around your eyes, delicate on your soft cheeks. it was domestic, and simple, but it meant the world to you when she took this much care after a spicy little evening.

when she finished she pecked your lips a bunch, only pulling back to smile at you.

she tossed the makeup wipe, and slipped into bed next to you.

you two sat up against the headboard like an old married couple. billie scrolled on tik tok, you read a chapter or so of your book. comfortable silence filled the room. the occasional jingle of a dog collar, or growl at a toy made you two peek your head out the door with small amused smiles.

eventually you put your book down, snuggling into billie’s side, resting your head on your shoulder to watch tik tok with her.

she turned her phone towards you more, showing you a carousel of photos labeled your birthday, your billie eilish song pt. 1: WWAFAWDWG. you got iomilo, she got wish you were gay. you chuckled as she scrolled through the pages.

this went on for a few more minutes. billie stalking the page looking for HTE and HMHAS only to realize part 1 was posted 37 minutes ago. she grumbled lightly, clearly really wanting to know which of her own songs her birthday was.

you kissed her cheek and settled back on her shoulder, letting your eyes close with a smile on your lips.

“okay sleepy girl.” she kissed your forehead, shutting off her phone. she shifted slightly to lay on her back, letting you lay more comfortably on her chest again.

“goodnight angel girl,” you murmured, already half asleep.

she blushed a bit, chuckling at your sleepy slurs.

“goodnight my perfect girl.”