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I do consider Wolverine's interactions with Jean and Scott in the first X-Men movie to be sort of an inverse unicorn hunter scenario. sometimes the unicorn hunts you. aggressively.

the thing is. Logan finally makes one (1) pass at Scott that's so straightforward even Scott can't write it off as homoerotic bickering over Jean, and it sends him into a tailspin. he doesn't even answer he just leaves the room. gracelessly. listen it's 2001 and like, okay, obviously Professor X is gay, Scott knows that, he's fine with it but like. jesus christ. he has enough problems with the whole mutant thing; Scott Summers has not been exploring the lush garden of latent bisexuality. plus he's like SO coupled up with Jean so it doesn't even matter, right? it doesn't even matter and he never had to think about this again, except he does and he's dating a telepath (FUCK) and she Knows something is up and he can't brush it off forever so he tries (fails) to casually bring it up. haha hey Jean you know I always thought Logan had a bit of a crush on you, but I think he tried coming onto me the other day, can you believe it? ("I think he tried coming onto me" here means "he offered to suck my dick with all the subtlety you'd expect from a man who's very popular in truck stop bathrooms," btw.) and Jean Grey, the Dark Phujoshi herself, cannot hide that this is huge for her. this solves so many of her problems. she's salivating and Scott can see it and she's realizing too late oh no Scott was Not into it like that, abort mission hard. except he saw how excited she was for a split second before she got a lid on it, so he knows, and she knows he knows, and he know she knows he knows. and now Scott can't Stop thinking about it, and the more he tries to not think about it the more he does, vicious cycle, and he keeps having these dreams about. well. what if. what if I did let him suck me off a little. which Jean knows about, obviously, because she's a telepath (FUCK). so she knows. and he knows she knows. and she must know that he knows she knows. but neither of them are saying anything about it, just sweating it out while Logan continues to slut around the school in a white tank top pretending he's not playing six dimensional mind game chess to land the plane on this threesome.

thank you for appreciating my boobs calculator joke but the real overlooked gem of this post is rogers false elk. basically this entire post was just an excuse to come up with a hypothetical monster called rogers false elk. its just so pleasing to me. does nobody care him? does nobody but me care for rogers false elk?

oh my god it hurts

and it's going to hurt forever

rocky thought he was going to die he thought erid was doomed he thought he would never see grace again he thought grace was probably stranded by taumoeba too he thought their mission failed he was injured and burned and alone and HOPELESS and then GRACE BANGED ON HIS SHIP AND YELLED FOR HIM

#(so high pitched he's making dogs go nuts from 12 light years away) YOU SAVE ME AND YOU SAVE ERID#I LOVE YOU. I CAN'T CONNECT THE SHIPS IF YOU'RE OUT OF THE FUCKING AIRLOCK. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. GET YOUR ASS BACK INSIDE

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

guess what post just got read aloud in poetry club tonite by an unknowing club member as I watched on in terror