BartAllenProtectionSquad

jack was right that silver age flash comics are just ways to teach science to kids wrapped up in a fun colorful superhero adventure package but silver age green lantern comics are full of the most insane out of pocket shit imaginable

the perfect hal jordan in my mind is a guy who is forever almost doing a captain kirk impression. like his actor isn’t doing william shatner but is instead doing a guy who is doing william shatner. which of course is what michael weatherly was doing on NCIS

does hal jordan say “women belong in the kitchen” in like 1963 because the character is intended to be a misogynist or because he was being written by misogynists? do sue storm and reed richards meet when reed was 22 and sue was 12 in john byrne’s fantastic four because reed is intended to be a predator or because byrne has a demonstrable creepy thing about age gaps? i think it’s kind of reductive to sweep ALL of it away as “the writers were being weird” because i think in some situations it’s worth it to engage with this stuff at face value but sometimes it’s very obviously a symptom of the characters being written by strange people

friend on twt is doing a “who would you rather date” poll and the options are peter parker hal jordan kyle rayner and matt murdock

trust i do almost always cringe away from the “bisexual character is a slut/cheater” stereotype but i literally cannot help myself from applying it to hal jordan

hal being closeted was for the universe’s own good. his internalized homophobia was the last line of defense. oliver and dinah unleashed a monster

i know they just have him get hit in the head all the time because the ring works off concentration and this is the easiest way to disrupt him so they can have a “he can’t use the ring for a minute” conflict but the idea that he gets crazier and more erratic over time because of post-concussion syndrome is kinda hilarious. sorry

The problem is that it's really easy to make fun of Hal Jordan's notorious tendency towards blunt force trauma. But then when the 2011 Green Lantern movie goes out of its way to make the Head Trauma count in the double digits, you have to start to grapple with the fact that Hal Jordan is literally the Green Lantern equivalent of 1960s Football players who received so many CTEs that they had to change the rules to stop turning their brains to mush.

even before it was textual hal jordan was still having category five woman moments

fundraising a million dollars and hiring grant morrison to make hal jordan genderfluid and bisexual for real

[adds up some things on a calculator] one thousand more dollars and he’ll get sinestro pregnant

Superhero in 60's comic: Jack Anjil was chopping a tree when a truck of chemicals crashed and spilled on him. This caused him to be fused together with his axe. He is now Lumberjack. Same character by modern day: A cosmic force known as the Tool shed which connects everyone with tool based powers made that chemical spill happen because it chose for Jack to be fused with his axe.

sometimes i like to rectify all of barry's jla appearances where he has wally's personality as him trying to emulate his nephew because he misses him and lowkey thinks wally does a better job as the flash than him anyway. reversal of roles </3