Beneath the golden Balm

i get so freaked out by like. pictures of really big rope

clintwaffle

I’d like to say that’s normal but I’m a frayed knot

i’m so fucking annoyed at this, just for that you don’t get photos of the rope

i changed my mind, this is just too horrifying not to share

it’s called a Hawser and is the thick cable or rope used for towing/mooring a ship

in conclusion, i have nightmares beyond description

arithmeticanimaniac

NO it would NOT be cool

well i fucken disagree

goeswiththeflo

@scumrunner do you have any cursed facts about hawsers to share ?

As a fiber nerd, i am personally very enthusiastic about them….

scumrunner

Ohhohohoho DO I EVER. Meet the “snapback zone,” not an area with cool hats, but instead the unintuitive range at which a hawser can kill you if it breaks under tension.

cloud-and-proud

What if we kissed in the snap-back zone? 😳 😳 😳

talus-the-broken

I don’t think you guys understand how much force this is, a tow rope used to move a 20 foot boat snaps under tension with enough force to dent metal, shatter glass and seriously injure anyone in its way. A Hawser on the other hand… Well I’ve seen a concrete pier with a chuck the size of a sedan ripped out of it by a line failure, and anecdotally, I’ve heard of a 2 ton heavy cargo forklift being skidded sideways, then knocked over. These lines snap with enough force to noticably dent the hull armor of navy ships.

This is a line designed to hold in place a moving object that can be easily in excess of 10000 tons. AND THEY CAN BREAK FROM THAT TENSION ALONE.

THESE THINGS ARE TERRIFYING RUBBER BANDS FROM HELL.

butch-of-the-blades

Nope Rope

NOPE ROPE

jeremy-ken-anderson

I’m once again reminded of its much smaller cousin, the haywire.

You’ve heard of the term, “Going haywire,” right? Ever spared a thought to why that term exists?

See, time was there was a prototype automatic hay-baler. But this was in that magic period juuust before we really got into standardized sizes. So calibration of the machine was handled manually - a mix of guessing and learning from the results of guessing. If you’ve read Raising Steam by Sir Terry Pratchett you know that many people don’t get to learn from the results of their own guesses, due to being dead.

A poorly calibrated hay-baler had the mechanical strength to smush the hay into a tight bundle, wrap the wire around it, and tie that wire off to maintain the bale’s form. But the pressure of the over-packed hay was a constant outward force. Each bale made by an over-tight baler was potential energy in physical form. We have a word for “potential energy in physical form” and that word is “bomb.”

So sometimes, a man would toss a hay bale and it would land with a twang and the man who’d been reaching down to pick it up where it landed was dead.

And that is what “haywire” means.

oh nice. i knew hay bales occasionally spontaneously combust, didn’t know they used to have an explosion factor too

marlynnofmany

I am learning multiple things today

Normally I’d expect wet plant matter to be less likely to go up in flames, but not hay bales! Those pesky bacteria really like to party in damp conditions. And by party I mean “create heat.”

viejospellejos

scunthotter

People who are making posts telling us what is happening over on threads, twitter, and Instagram are like war correspondents sending us reports from the front.

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iguanamouth

I really like winnie the pooh, Can you draw winnie the pooh pleaseeeeee

thetyrannosaur

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

skiingcows

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world

notkatniss

still thinking about the clear dunkin canopic jars tweet

rabid-transcendentalist

Close enough, welcome back Qebehsenuef

Booktok controversy that's broken containment: a writer told one of her friends the concept for a book, and he took that concept and AI-generated a book based on it and then gifted to her like 'there you go, sweetie, you're welcome ;)'

BRO WHAT.

OMG, I'm watching a video about this, and it's even weirder. That wasn't even a friend, it was a rando who saw her tiktok talking about the concept and randomly emails her this AI-generated book. That's even weirder.

cat-she

And then when she says she doesn't like it, and several NYT BESTSELLING AUTHORS who all happen to be women all explain to him why he's in the wrong, he talks down to them and doubles and triples and quadruples down. But then the moment the woman's husband gets involved, he immediately apologizes to "him and his wife." Just breathtaking levels of misogyny.

He wanted credit SO HARD for doing basically NOTHING. Worse than nothing! He wanted headpats so hard that when she ignored his email he hounded her to respond publicly.

He's like a microcosm of everything that's wrong with people who use AI to generate stories.

cat-she

He was talking about releasing the shit he generated with the idea he STOLE FROM HER for free if she continued not responding to him, and then acted like she was being insane when she clarified that she didn't respond on purpose 😭😭😭 What goes through these people's heads!!!!!!!!!

celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725

Something profoundly wrong with this dude and yet he's incapable of noticing.

ryan-sometimes

Tumblr I need everyone to log in rn because the most important, quotable, instantly iconic celebrity post of the century just dropped

ryan-sometimes

A ship — a magnificent ship — full of gay men. And me.

I am furious, but I am sailing.

thepanaculty

And what is the charge?! A ship??? A magnificent ship full of gay men and me?!

only-tiktoks

belovedgoofball

wanderer-chronicles

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lesbianshepard

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

lesbianshepard

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

key--lime--pie

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

notaflippinmermaid

No, no no… you identify bone from rock or other substances by touching it to your tongue. If it sticks, it’s bone. The taste itself has nothing to do with it. And most archaeologists won’t lick human bones if they know they’re human.

…and I realize that doesn’t actually do much to prove archaeologists aren’t freaks.

midnightmindcave

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

dinosauriaawesome

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

thesaltofcarthage

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic.

wholesome-dragon-lady

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.

imathers

anythings-a-sweet-if-you-eat-it

boring take from real 21st century idiots: bdsm is bad because it's basically torture

interesting take from a fictional 14th century monk: torture is bad because it's basically sex

ohholydyke

Shoutout to the nun who had other nuns tie her up and pour hot wax on her as she confessed her sins

amorphousgenderlesscryptid

I'm sure that's true, but something tells me googling "nun tied up by other nuns" "hot wax" "confessing sins" will likely get what you might call rather un-academic results

I want a video game with realistic dick and balls physics not for any prurient reason, but... okay, so you know how in some games with boob physics, there's a palpable delay after a character model is instantiated before physics start to apply to the boobs, so it's like *pop* ... *FWOMP*? I want to see the cock version of that. Penis-having character spawns in, there's a beat, then the physics engine tries to play catch-up and applies a full second of gravitational acceleration to their junk all at once and they just randomly start helicoptering.

midnightvoyager

#wasnt that conan game basically this #idk i never played it (via @piedbirb)

Nah, Conan: Exiles saves on development costs there by applying the same physics simulation it uses for clothing to penises. It's basically treating the cock and balls as a bit of cloth hanging off your character's groin, which produces a totally different (albeit no less entertaining) set of failure modes.

(For those saying this is making them picture a character's penis flapping in the breeze like a flag on a pole or laundry on a line, that was actually, literally happening at launch. I'm not sure if they ever fixed it.)

wisdomofanemptyheart

Once, playing Conan Exiles with friends, we watched in wonder and horror as one guy's dong went zooming across the map. While still attached. The rest of the model remained in place at spawn while his camera followed the tip of an impossibly long weiner, racing across the desert.