hi

i wish i could be normal i wish there was a pill that could magically transform my life and get rid of all of my symptoms. its so debilitating to live with multiple mentall illnesses and personality disorders plus being audhd i feel like nothing will ever get better. i just want to die. thinking about other stuff about my identity doesnt help either. i wish i could go back to the psych ward even if i was really bored there. at least i was monitored and stuff and someone cared for me. but now i have no support. i havent had any real support in years. ive planned and attempted suicide many times and somehow no one seems to really care. do i have to kill myself for people to realize im not doing okay. what do i even do. life fucking sucks and i have no hope left i just want to cry i hate being like this and i hate having mood swings. i felt kind of happy a few hours ago and now i feel hopeless and suicidal and i dont want to do anything. im supposed to go to uni tomorrow to see the results of my exam but does it even matter? i probably scored a mediocre grade because i can never do good and im too stupid and lazy to actually study in a serious way. i can never focus. i can never do good. i can never feel satisfied. i can never feel happy. what is the point of life if im going to feel like garbage every single day until i die of old age. i think i should just kill myself because theres no point in living. but i really dont want to hurt the people that love me and care about me. i dont want to leave my cat. i dont want my mom to live alone and feel guilty i dont know what tod o i feel lik enothing i do is going to be good i feel like this is torture because theres no escape theres no solution why cant we all just die why cant the world just cease to exist so we can get rid of all of the pain in this world why do we exist in the first place life is so cruel i hate everything i cant even kill myself and i feel like thats just worse i wish i wasnt so empathetic i wish i could just not give a fuck about anyone so i could just kill myself in peace sometimes i want to alienate myself from everybody so that nobody cares about me anymore and no one thinks of me so i can just kill myself knowing i wont hurt anyone and no one will mourn my death

i really wish i could just kill myself. i wish i was brave enough to actually do it. but i dont know any painless methods. and i dont want to hurt the people that care about me. i feel like no matter what i do or dont do i'm doomed. i wish the world exploded so we could all die instantly and not feel any pain or sadness

uhmmmmmmmmm this is kind of embarrassing because i always see people insulting these identities and mocking them.., but lately ive started learning more about xenogenders and stuff and i kind of feel a connection to some of them but idkkkkk im scared idk what to do i dont wanna be ridiculized