Pretty angel You've got a rhythm that's blue

oh god it’s wonderful to get out of bed and drink too much coffee and smoke too many cigarettes and love you so much Frank O’Hara, “Steps”

oh god it’s wonderful to get out of bed and drink too much coffee and smoke too many cigarettes and love you so much Frank O’Hara, “Steps”

Big Boi and André 3000

The Wild West of the Early Internet: a look at late 1990s-early 2000s Anonymous Groupie Message Boards

This is the first-part of a new series where I look back at what the world wide web and life was like during the early years of the internet.

The ‘very early internet’ (early-mid 90s) was mostly populated by nerds on usenet forums, but once AOL started sending CDs in the mail and anyone could build a simple website on Geocities, Tripod, Angelfire, etc, the floodgates opened and the internet became a refugee for even more nerds, bored teenagers, fandoms, slash fanfic, chatrooms, message boards, a safe place for every disenfranchised or judged subculture in “real life" to congregate, and of course porn.

This was well before Google Image search was invented in 2001, thanks to our true hero Jennifer Lopez and her green Versace dress, so in order to see photos on the internet, for example, you had to go to websites where people had to upload their own photos and whatnot. This was also pre-Wikipedia, so anything that was online had to be put up there by some nerd that had to go to the trouble of building their own website to host that information. It was a fun time, to be honest! Anything was possible! The internet was a blank-ish canvas that we all filled with whatever we wanted the entire world to see and learn about.

One of the coolest things to happen around this time was anonymous groupie message boards and websites started cropping up, and anyone around the world in the comfort of their own homes could read what it was like to bang Bret Michaels (”If you do hook up with him, chances are he’ll keep his hat or bandana on.”) or how how big Trent Reznor’s dick is (According to the famous penis chart “average but a good fuck”)

These boards were very pro-woman, anonymous, and feminist. It was like having many wild older sisters from around the world giving you advice. They just wanted you to have a good time and be safe and know what you were getting into.

The Penis Chart on Metal Sludge, for example, was very open about who was bad in bed, which rockers treated women terribly, and who to stay away from, which dudes had small dicks, which ones gave AND received, and who was into what freaky stuff so ladies could be prepared. Sisters looking out for other sisters! It put some of the “power” back in the hands of women; if they didn’t have a good time or weren’t treated with respect, everyone on the internet knew which band guys sucked in bed….a real ego deflater for musicians.

The late 90s/early 2000s was a sort of renaissance for groupiedom; many of the 80s hair metal bands were finally back on the road after grunge killed their career for a few years in the 90s. They were popular draws again due to the Behind the Music shows on VH1 that had just started airing, which brought them a new/younger audience, and they were easier than ever to access.

There was also a new wave of rock & metal bands who embraced the hedonistic party way of life (top bands/artists mentioned by groupies in this era: Limp Bizkit, Disturbed, Godsmack, Papa Roach, Buckcherry, Orgy, Kid Rock, Marilyn Manson, Tool, Korn, Eminem, Kid Rock, Incubus, various pop punk bands, boy bands.)

Eventually Groupie Central and Metal Sludge would see old school groupies and dudes in bands participate and send in messages, and give interviews. Then magazines like SPIN and channels like VH1 would talk about them, which made things a little too mainstream and took away a lot of the anonymity and feeling of community that made them so appealing in the first place. Groupie Central eventually included IP address of posts, which basically killed it instantly. Metal Sludge is still around, but the rest are mainly accessible via archive.org.

As for groupies today, it’s probably easier to be a groupie now thanks to social media. Dudes in bands definitely scope Instagram, Tinder, and Twitter for conquests and message girls directly.. Obviously anyone can send a DM on Instagram too. However, as we’ve also learned, it’s much easier for celebs to get caught and for things to blow up and become a trending topic for the entire world. A lot of them have policies where groupies have their phones taken away while they “hang out”, or even sign a NDA. My how times have changed!

Anyway, let’s take a look at much simpler times:

OLD SCHOOL GROUPIE WEBSITES:

Metal Sludge: Originally a site about metal, of course, it became famous for two things 1) The Long and Short of It– The World Famous Penis Chart where mostly hard (ha) rockers were ranked and measured by their shortcomings, bedroom performance, and how they treated conquests, and 2) Donna’s Domain, where “Donna Anderson”, an anonymous groupie who was NOT Nikki Sixx’s then-wife Donna D’Errico (as people mistook her for ALL THE TIME) was a sort of a ‘den mother”/ Dear Abby to all of the groupies and musicians who messaged her. She answered lot of reader mail with very snarky commentary. Donna’s Domain on Metal Sludge contained two other things beside the Penis Chart:  The Groupie Chart & Donna’s Ho Bag archives. This site is still active in some form, tho not much groupie talk happening.

Groupie Central: Besides Metal Sludge, Groupie Central was the most famous site that had information on banging musicians and was billed as the “first web site for groupies.” Like, EVERYONE read this site.

Groupie Central had it’s own message board where groupies shared penis sizes, tips, etc, but it really was known the first place on the internet to have tons of information on actual groupies, including the “Groupies, Wives & Lovers” section that not only had which dudes the girls slept with, but it featured fairly complete biographical information on the women that showed they were more than just the dudes they slept with. Groupie Central also had a comprehensive list of groupie-related movies, TV shows, music videos and album covers that featured the ladies, an advice column, gossip (this section is rad), etc. The Awards Show Reports from 1999-2001 are fun reads, so check them out.

It was the first site on the internet to give groupies their own identity. I mean where else were we gonna find out about this stuff, library books? This was the era when I think the only easily accessible groupie book was Pamela Des Barres.’ The main feature, of course, was the message board, which was pretty active back in the day.

Groupiedirt: I don’t remember much about this site, it seemed to be around during the same era as Groupie Central and unfortunately, the message board isn’t even accessible via archive.org. Bummer. You can see from the archived site that Pamela Des Barres was “looking for a few wondrous groupie girls for her new book, “She’s With the Band…,” so yeah, it was a very cool time when new groupies and old groupies shared stories and info on the regular. Rad.

Rock Groupie.com: Groupie Central had a lot of fights because the forums were “moderated” or “censored” and eventually the mod lost interest and it was turned into Rock Groupie. Fun fact: Model/muse Bebe Buell was an active participant at both forums which of course resulted in a lot of drama.

THE STORIES

I’ve combed the archives of these sites to find groupie stories about guys (and maybe some ladies) that I think my readers would care about, stories that haven’t already been discussed ad nauseum (I think by now we’ve all read many times what Led Zeppelin/Bowie/Steven Tyler/The Stones/Guns N Roses were like in bed, for example).

If there’s someone specifically you want to know about, I might be able to find info so message me.

Keep in mind that none of these are FROM ME, I found them from the deep internet circa 1990s/2000s via the internet archive and all should be taken with a grain of salt since anyone can post stuff on the internet yada yada please don’t sue me, this is all for entertainment purposes and should be considered GOSSIP. Most of these stories are from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 2000s and may not reflect the behavior of any of these people now.

It took a lot of time to research these stories below so if you break them up and repost on Tumblr in your own fandom, can you at least give me credit and link to my blog? THANKS. For each story I have linked to original source so you don’t think I am just making these up.

If you’re under 18 please proceed with caution as clearly below you will be reading sex stories. Trigger warning for SEX. You might also learn info about your faves you that will disappoint you. I am sorry.

In 2025, in January, David Lynch died. In April, Val Kilmer died. This year has already been one of the worst in American history in terms of political unrest, the rise of fascism, and the election of a dictator.

Four brilliant, strange, incredibly talented artists, lost when our country needs brilliant, strange talent. People to work outside the creative box and make things no one has made, or will make again. You couldn't release Twin Peaks today–it's too weird and confusing. Most people want things to happen quicker.

An androgynous black pop star like Prince would probably be the subject of much Republican hand-wringing, similar to the treatment Lil Nas X has gotten.

Bowie would probably be boycotted by entire states for writing a song like "I'm Afraid of Americans."

And Kilmer, for his flaws, was an artist. He was passionate and weird, challenging to some and deeply kind to others. An educated creator, a deep soul. A philosopher. Americana. A rare breed. I won't say they don't make them like that anymore– stars like Glen Powell and Timothee Chalamet prove the sharp-jawed, pale-eyed iconic male movie star is alive and well– but Kilmer was more than his looks. He breathed life into flat roles and made them memorable, and dove into his characters to the point of infuriating costars. He gave a shit. We need more of that.

So I'm going to try and remember, as we careen into the yawning dark of fascism and hate, that art is resistance. Art makes us human and keeps us human. So I will try and summon the stars like Bowie, break every false boundary like Prince, plumb the dark forest of the human condition like Lynch, and feel deeply in this harsh, beautiful life, like Val.