𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝟒 𝑢. ❜

send  ☂️  for  a  weather  based  starter .

‘   please   don’t    file    a    complaint   .    my   brother   just    had   a   really   bad   day  .   if   you    want   ,   you    can    punch   me   instead   .   make   it    even   between   you   two  .  ’

“  wait  ...  what  ?  are  you  gettin’  crazy  ?  i  would  never  punch  you  .  my  problem  is  with  your  brother  ,  ok  ?  you  shouldn’t  get  involved  in  his  problems  ...  you  can  end  up  getting  into  trouble  for  someone  who  doesn't  deserve  it  .  ”

‘   did    you    make    it    your    life    goal    to    piss    the    hell    out    of    me  ?    because   if    it   is   ,   you    have   succeeded   .   can   you    retire    now  ,    you    little    goblin   .   ’

“  wow  .  i’ve  never  been  so  delighted  hearing  something  coming  out  of  your  mouth  ...  i’m  more  than  pleased  to  know  that  i’m  managing  to  annoy  you  as  much  as  you  do  to  me  ,  you  grinch  .  now  ,  keep  moving  .  i  want  to  see  if  our  friends  are  already  here  .  ”

‘  you’re a terrible person. it’s hilarious.  ’ ‘  you ruined it. you’re a dumb raccoon.  ’ ‘  i hate your mustache because i miss your upper lip, okay?  ’ ‘  anything in pairs makes me choked up! shoes, socks… chopsticks.  ’ ‘  it’s legal meth. medical meth for my… cramps.  ’ ‘  ahh! son of a bi– penis! …that wasn’t better.  ’ ‘  i hope you have a minor career setback, learn from it, relocate, and ultimately have a very nice life.  ’ ‘  i don’t play by your rules! i can drink at 11:00… a.m.  ’ ‘  this is my only face! i don’t have a lot of faces!  ’ ‘  i’m pretty sure i’m having a heart attack and i haven’t arranged for anybody to clear my internet history… i wasn’t building a bomb! i was just curious!  ’ ‘  i just think long distance relationships suck. i once broke up with a someone who lived only thirty minutes away.  ’ ‘  the enemy is the en-e-my. the enemy is the inner me.  ’ ‘  shawty, what that thing do?  ’ ‘  i don’t want nobody to eat me! i have thick thighs! i got a fat ass!  ’ ‘  i know what it’ll feel like when i stop drinking so i’m just gonna stay a little drunk… forever.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna have fun because there’s nothing wrong with who i am.  ’ ‘  if you don’t like that then tough tater tots, tooter.  ’ ‘  i want to be someone that somebody is looking for, but what do i have to offer?  ’ ‘  that’s easy, you’re the cute one.  ’ ‘  what happened? i don’t know what hap… i blacked out.  ’ ‘  don’t boop him!  ’ ‘  i’m literally not moving. i’m so not worried about you.  ’ ‘  i am a grown woman that is in love with her ex-boyfriend that has a girlfriend… and i’ve been stealing my neighbor’s wi-fi.  ’ ‘  my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!  ’ ‘  i hope you like feminist rants ‘cause that’s kind of my thing.  ’ ‘  oh, my gosh! look, it’s food! i love food. i can’t even remember what we were talking about.  ’ ‘  i’m probably fine, but i also might be dead.  ’ ‘  i feel like i want to murder someone, and also i want a soft pretzel.  ’ ‘  they’re on a flip phone. i mean, they’re either poor or a time traveler.  ’ ‘  i swear to god i will scream sing every last word to les mis!!  ’ ‘  i look at you and i see a stunning physical specimen. it’s like you were created in a lab full of gay scientists.  ’ ‘  i’d trust beyoncé with my life.  ’ ‘  what a wonderful day. quick reminder: we’re all dying.  ’ ‘  my funeral is my time to shine.  ’ ‘  stop being so mean to me or i swear to god, i’m gonna fall in love with you.  ’ ‘  please let me hate myself and everything that i have created!  ’ ‘  as a matter of fact, i am tired and i am hungry.  ’ ‘  am i attracted to murderers?  ’ ‘  it is perfectly fine to watch tv all day.  ’ ‘  i’m not convinced i know how to read. i’ve just memorized a lot of words.  ’ ‘  this place is fancy and i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.  ’ ‘  do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably.  ’ ‘  i like getting older. i feel like i’m finally aging into my personality.  ’ ‘  saturday is a day for sleeping and damn it, you will not take that from me.  ’ ‘  you know, i’m just staying positive, but i’m pretty sure this is where we die.  ’ ‘  i have a cat. he’s not ready to have a relationship with you, so just don’t try to force it on him.  ’ ‘  you got hurt. that doesn’t mean you stop trying.  ’ ‘  if you tell anyone we held hands, i have two people in my phone that will kill you.  ’ ‘  girl, i’mma marry you.  ’ ‘  damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!  ’ ‘  can we take a moment to celebrate me?  ’ ‘  i just looked down and i thought, this girl must be wearing sneakers with shoelaces and those shoelaces are tied together because this girl is straight up trippin’, yo.  ’ ‘  i’m a squirrel. you’re my nut. winter’s coming. i’m gonna store you in my cheek, girl.  ’ ‘  the economy sucks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels, and i have a broken penis. don’t pretend to know my pain.  ’ ‘  the good news is i’m feeling sober. the bad news is maybe i’m too sober.  ’ ‘  exes are a part of the past. you burn ‘em swiftly and you give their ashes to poseidon.  ’ ‘  nothing is ever truly broken.  ’ ‘  i know this isn’t gonna sound well, but the whole middle part’s gonna be awesome.  ’ ‘  wanna get married?  ’ ‘  the very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don’t work.  ’ ‘  please put your shirt back on. don’t make me laugh at you.  ’ ‘  we’re having a baby. i really didn’t think it was going to happen for us.  ’ ‘  the only reason i said no earlier is because i needed to show you how much i wanted to say yes.  ’ ‘  you’re just the most throat-punchable boy in all the world.  ’ ‘  love is never what you think it’s going to be.  ’ ‘  i just got you and i’m not letting you go.  ’ ‘  i have your back, no matter what.  ’ ‘  i can buy my own pizza! …can somebody please loan me $15?  ’ ‘  what kind of taco mean do you bitches have?  ’ ‘  i’m gonna be fine. i am. you know why? cause i met you. that’s why i’m okay.  ’ ‘  i’m the voice of reason, that’s why you brought me with.  ’ ‘  he’s my best friend. what if he gets into an accident? what if he’s horribly disfigured and i have to identify him and all that remains are his private parts? and i’m standing there saying, ‘no officer, i can’t help you because no, i haven’t seen his penis.’ and then boom! he’s buried in an unmarked grave.  ’ ‘  i am not a successful adult! i don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself!  ’ ‘  i was put in an awkward situation and i reacted poorly.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna hit your ass with a ski.  ’ ‘  you realize i say ‘goodnight’ to you every night and you never say ‘goodnight’ back? what is your problem? do you not want me to have a good night?  ’ ‘  i’m a color blind american citizen and i can’t do puzzles.  ’ ‘  i want to cover everything up on my body with bubbles.  ’ ‘  how cute am i?  ’ ‘  maybe if we get drunk then magically everything will just happen.  ’ ‘  give me cookie, got you cookie! you gave me cookie, i got you a cookie,  man! we’re even!  ’ ‘  shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch.  ’ ‘  i like to improvise with my body. i’m a sexual snowflake, each night is a unique experience.  ’ ‘  hahaha. what a dumb idea… do it!  ’ ‘  if i had a dollar for everybody i couldn’t hang out with because they hated you, i’d be so rich.  ’ ‘  what it be, girl? what you got going on, ma? it’s the freakin’ weekend.  ’ ‘  you can’t choose who you love, sometimes they choose you  ’ ‘  i thought god just didn’t give me abs.  ’ ‘  i don’t mean to be laughing, but are you okay?  ’ ‘  pink wine makes me slutty.  ’ ‘  i just want to listen to taylor swift alone.  ’ ‘  i will shred myself! i will shred myself in the shredder!  ’ ‘  i haven’t gotten a non-text message in two years.  ’ ‘  the point of dating is just to keep on dating and then never stop. it’s like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.  ’ ‘  are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.  ’ ‘  your life’s like gossip girl… only everyone is old and poor.  ’ ‘  men suck, remember?  ’ ‘  actually, that’s not fair. she might be a really nice ho.  ’ ‘  should i add a ‘woo-hoo’ or is that too bitchy?  ’ ‘  i am a woman. the smartest species of them all.  ’

“sorry, i didn’t think i’d get home that late. you know how it goes… filming new promos or whatever.”

“  if  you  say  so  ...  ”  giselle  replied  ,  her  face  showing  that  she  was  in  a  bad  mood  .  again  .  “  you  must  think  i’m  stupid  ,  right  ?  coming  late  every  night  ,  with  a  lame  excuse  .  if  i  was  you  ,  i’d  tell  the  truth  .  don't  forget  that  i  know  exactly  how  your  routine  should  be  .  ”

“and we’re not together, right? so you can kiss who you want.”

“  then  why  do  we  keep  acting  like  that  ?  we’re  not  together  ,  but  i  can't  handle  when  you’re  with  someone  else  .  we  need  to  think  better  about  what  we  are  now  .  ”

❛    why    don't    you    just    admit    we're    fucking    lost  ?!     ❜   (  @goods4u​  )

“  we’re  not  lost  ,  look  ...  google  maps  suggested  that  going  through  this  alley  will  drop  us  off  in  front  of  the  restaurant  .  ”