I never do this and tumblr is maybe a weird place for this, but no one follows me on here and I know it’s a safe space to shout into empty space. So.
But. I just want to be pretty. I know it’s shallow and lame and I’m lucky to just be healthy, but I want to be pretty. I want to look in the mirror and love what I see. I want to see pictures of myself and actually want to keep them. I want to go out with friends and not feel like an afterthought who shouldn’t be standing next to them.
I’ve never been just a natural beauty. I’ve never been slender. I’ve grown up with a skinnier older sister and small dainty friends, and I love them all dearly and it’s nothing on them that other people will compare me to them, but it wears on you after a while.
I’m currently living in a country where I can’t buy pants because not even the largest size fits me even tho I’m average for American sizing. That definitely doesn’t help my image of myself.
I don’t know how to be feminine and I feel like I can’t be feminine and pretty with this box I’ve shoved myself in. It’s a dumb mental block but I feel like it’s too late to try and change my image when my whole life I haven’t embraced “girly” things. But I want to now. I want to figure out who I am and feel comfortable being feminine.
I’ve had body image issues since I was small, long before I ever should’ve worried about what I weighed. As a kid I wouldn’t wear tank tops or skirts without leggings cause I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. This has been an issue for me my whole life and I’m sick of it. And yet. I want to be pretty.
I don’t want people to only like me for looks but I still wish people liked my looks.
I just want to be pretty.
