the moments i'm missing

i’ve completely revamped my blog. i’m dropping most threads, unless i’ve talked to you. it’s like starting new but ofc all of our pairings and whatnot are still alive and well. :~) i just needed to clean up and move. backgrounds on each character will be up v soon. also, if a muse you rp with isn’t listed, they’re reserved and i haven’t finished my reserved page yet. so followers new and old, come join me as i make my fresh start. ♥ i’m heading over there now, so lettuce plot!!

so i didn’t really make the tags fancy or anything but i’ve completely revamped my blog. i’m dropping most threads, unless i’ve talked to you. it’s like starting new but ofc all of our pairings and whatnot are still alive and well. :~) i just needed to clean up and move. backgrounds on each character will be up v soon. also, if a muse you rp with isn’t listed, they’re reserved and i haven’t finished my reserved page yet. so followers new and old, come join me as i make my fresh start. ♥

          also, i am really obsessed with creve coeur 1 by hobo johnson and would absolutely adore anyone who would want to maybe do a plot based on it?? lots of angst, things like that. i don’t know, man. let me know. love you, peaches. ♥

prior to her ptsd diagnosis (or lack there of), regan had been the exact opposite of her appearance. while she presented herself as fragile, as feminine and quiet, but opened her mouth and shot out daggers. she was actually known for her venomous words, her feisty personality, and it all just slipped right through her fingers. it was as if she and her sister had switched places. now all fire and ice, the older woman had adapted to her surroundings, while regan shielded herself from them. agoraphobia took over her life, which was probably why she found herself in complete shambles in nathan’s arms -- and presence. her bottom lip jutted out in a pout at the mere suggestion that she hadn’t wanted to see him, but she couldn’t make the words come out. this was a situation she had found herself in all too often. time froze. she lost most of the control over her speech.while her mind raced, full of thoughts she could bring to life, she simply couldn’t make her mouth move -- and so she didn’t. regan simply relaxed into nathan’s embrace and listened to his soothing coos. this was a wake up call. what if this had been a family member? what if she’d run into a friend from high school? had she really lost touch with reality so horribly that she couldn’t speak, couldn’t socialize? the dark haired girl bit down on her bottom lip and pulled back momentarily, allowing her vision to refocus on nathan as he spoke. “worry?” she raised a brow and let a nervous breath of a laugh escape her petals. “oh, i wouldn’t know the meaning of the word worry, silly,” she wasn’t comfortable in the slightest, but she was trying her best to act as though she was. green hues met nathan’s, and she couldn’t help but let out an exhale of relief. regan wasn’t with a stranger. he knew everything about her. “i always hid from you. i’ve seen you before,” she admitted. “i know that’s incredibly shitty of me, but truly, i just didn’t want you to see me like this. i come off as a confident person online and i wanted you to meet that girl, the girl i used to be,” regan explained, but as people walked by her, stepped around the two in an embrace, she scooted closer to nathan. “can we go somewhere else? somewhere quieter?” 

“did you?” she inquired with a rather incredulous laugh. if there was one thing other than dishonesty that pushed her through the roof, it was when someone told her how she felt, or what she thought. nat was the only one in control of her feelings and actions. “that is why it matters, mitali,” it was rare that she used his full first name.  “god, i just -- i thought i could trust you, but then you lie to me about who you’re with, and like... yeah, it’s none of my business, but it does suck that you felt like you had to lie to get out of hanging out with me,” she explained.  her voice changed from angry to defeated in a matter of seconds. the brunette ran her hands through her curls. “you lied to me... and the thing is, if you feel as though you have to hide a blind date from me, then maybe you’re the one who feels guilty, like they’re doing something wrong...” she often wondered if maybe she felt protective and possessive over mit because he was all she had. her daughter was gone. her mother was far away. her father was flaky. she didn’t make friends easily, or at all, really. it was a miracle that mit hadn’t completely abandoned her the first time she yelled at him. he frustrated her to no end, but once the frustration dissipated, natalia only wanted to be next to him. she liked it when he slept at her house, because she knew where he was -- and it sounded crazy, but if nat knew for a fact that mit was right there, she also knew that he wasn’t leaving her alone like most of the other people in her life had. the dark realization came over her, and it was all nat could do to keep her composure. “look, it’s okay. i forgive you. i’m going home. i need to go. plus, you have a date!” she looked up and tried to force a smile. “so go have fun. go... go!”

one would think that gage would be unable to comprehend metaphors, similes and everything in between once he’s stuck that needle in his arm, but in fact, it was quite the opposite. his mind opened up. gage often wondered if this was the real him -- he had to hope so, because the opposite was less than approachable. he turned the flashlight off and let his phone slide between them, completely enamored by salem and not the contents of his device. as she continued the story, he could feel his face fall. it wasn’t something he tried to hide, no. in fact, he wasn’t sure how to hide how disappointed in himself he felt. “she has a right to do that,” he whispered with a brief nod of his head. how could she not? gage knew he could get into some shitty situations. he was the last to deny that. he’d scared so many people off by being too open, not hiding his dirty little secret more than he should. salem had witnessed him fighting in the street. she’d wiped the blood from his busted lip and broken nose. gage had hid her in his bedroom when people broke into his house. it truly wasn’t safe for her to be around him, yet he risked it. why? simple -- he was selfish. he wanted her all to himself, and in his drugged stupor, gage didn’t think about all the risks that went into their relationship (if he could even call it that). “i don’t know what to say, salem,” he confessed, lifting the blankets off of them just a bit so they could breathe. “i could say i’ll stop doing the shit i do, but that would be a lie... like, i can’t -- i can’t just quit,” he was rarely this candid. it was a shock to the both of them, he was sure. “d’you know people die from withdrawal? like, people who have used their entire lives, they just fuckin’ die from the symptoms of not having what they want, and i know it seems like i don’t really care whether i live or die, but i don’t... i don’t want to go out that way,” he shrugged his shoulders up and down, turning to face salem on his side. the tiniest bit of sweat began to sheen across his forehead. he patted his hairline, sighing and shaking his head. “i’m so sick without it. i don’t want to be around anyone. can i tell you what it feels like?” he leaned in close to her face, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. “it feels like you’re in a hole in the ground and you’re safe at first, but then people come to excavate, and they dig around, but they dig around in your head... so you have the worst headache because people are digging in it. then, the headache causes this insane nausea that won’t go away no matter how much ginger ale you drink. you sweat. you shake. all because these little men are pounding away at your brain -- but then you -- well, you use. and it all goes away. so can you see how i’d be just a bit desperate for relief?” 

@infctuationss @violetleaves @nebulaofmuses @cvsmiic @perscst