i am madly in love with u

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

I thought we were good as gravy, but you just wanted to get your pey wet

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

maybe next year instead of amateur fireworks on every block for hours and hours we can try holding up a single beautiful flower

Kid with a bluey backpack on the flight to Sydney this must be his mecca

I need to stop replying to “how do you make friends in your 30s?” threads because all my answers boil down to “you have to want to know people instead of have friends” and I don’t think people wanna hear that

It’s like. People can tell if you don’t really like or connect with them. If you aren’t truly enamored with someone you will have a hard time coming up with activities to do together to deepen the friendship. Because you don’t really like that person that much.

Butch won’t be my companion. He’s like you’re too intense. You must’ve turned on that computer like 50 times in a row last time.

What’s really funny about lowering your karma this way is that after you do a major good Karma action and listen to the radio, the radio DJ Three Dog will be like this horrible fucker from vault 101 we all hate him so much you know that guy? He did another fucking thing. He saved a thousand orphans.

cmon man, think like a , think like a chuuud, act like a woke *trying to corral a medium sized brown mammal into the corner*