this is a positive space

After school, Zay traveled to Farkle's house. He didn't have to be to work until 6 and something needed to be done about the whole Farkle situation. The Maya-Riley situation he was staying out of. Girl shit is best left to girls. The Lucas situation he was going to ignore for the time being. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do but time would tell. This Farkle situation though, needed to get sorted right away because out of everyone - even Lucas - he saw himself the most in Farkle. Zay could understand and sympathize with the betrayal he was probably still feeling. Sure, Farkle said everything was fine but it wasn't. And perhaps the Farkle situation was also a situation that was best left to time but Zay could only have so much patience when it seemed each of his friends were dealing with their own particular crises. Something needed to be under control.

The doorman was new. He looked Zay up and down. With narrow eyes, he called the back up guard, obviously in disbelief that Zay was on the list of welcomed guests. Zay rolled his eyes. He was doing his job, he guessed but there was always the thought. The doorman gave him the go-ahead and Zay straightened out his uniform, looking past him. He entered the elevator, rehearsing all the apologies and building olive branches for Farkle. Things were usually pretty easy with him, like on the phone but that was just Farkle's facade. It'd be worse if he wasn't still mad. That would mean he doesn't care anymore.

Zay approached the outside of Farkle's loft and the door was cracked. The rock music was raving, so he took that as an invitation. It seemed normal; Farkle always studied with a playlist loud enough to blow anyone's brains out. Zay eased through the loft and saw the bedroom door closed. Zay didn't think he had company. Even so, what could they be doing that is so private? Or he couldn't be apart of? Without hesitation, Zay opened the door and nothing could have prepared him for what was on the other side.

His wide eyes were welcomed to the sight of his dear, sweet, friend Riley - the girl who made up an apology song about eating his grandmother's annual cookie - graciously on top of his bookish and sweeter friend Farkle in pieces of her cheerleader uniform, who had one hand on her bare backside and the other on her naked back.

"OH JESUS! OH NO!" Poor Zay shielded his eyes with his arms.

Riley shrieked and found Farkle's pillow to cover herself. "Zay!" Farkle groped at his pants, pulling them back up.

Zay immediately turned around, giving them time although there wasn't enough seconds in the world to lessen their humiliation. "Don't worry, Riley I didn't see anything." He lied. "Farkle, I didn't see anything either." He really lied.

"GET OUT ZAY!" They yelled at him in unison and he did as he was told.

Zay ran out of the loft, repeating,"...fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up..." He went down into the subway and jumped into a train. He collapsed into a seat, his mind racing. He was never good at keeping secrets. Zay was feeling foggy and confused. They were all friends. Why did they lie to each other? Didn't they trust each other anymore? Zay felt that he was on autopilot all the way to Lucas' house. He climbed the fire escape and tapped on the window. Lucas was there to open it.

"Zay, what's up man?" Lucas casually greeted.

"Yo, you won't believe - " Just as soon as he started to tell his nightmares coming to life, he turned and saw Maya in the corner sitting at his desk.

"'Sup, fool?" She nodded.

Suddenly, Zay didn't know what to say.

"Maya, I... didn't expect to see you here." He had a nervous smile.

"OK...?" She shrugged. Maya was friends with Lucas too, of course Zay knew that. It wasn't out of the ordinary for them to be hanging out, especially now that apparently her and Riley were on the outs. Perhaps because Farkle and her were so very in but, it's clear that Maya was not aware of this. The Farkle situation has now entered a level of delicacy. Goddamn it.

"Dude, what's up?" Lucas said again, more concerned. "You're literally sweating." Both Maya and Lucas were watching him. He had to speak. Zay's mouth was steadily opening and then a barrage of chirps came from his phone. He took the iPhone out of his pocket to see text after text from none other than Farkle. "Who's blowing you up like that?"

"That would be Farkle. He was probably calling me on the train but he couldn't reach me. AT&T sucks ass." He put his phone away. "He probably doesn't want me to tell you about what I saw."

"What you saw?" Maya perked up.

Zay took a pensive pause, but continued. "I was going to talk to Farkle after school and his door was open. I went in and I saw... I saw things."

"Things?" Maya questioned.

"Zay, what are you talking about, man?" Lucas folded his arms, losing his patience.

"I saw... him and Riley... and they were..." Zay was amazed that he couldn't even say it, as it he was under some spell. "They were..." He began to gesture.

"They were what?!" Maya demanded, now standing.

"They were -" Zay was almost frantic, in a hopeless game of charades until he made a hole with one hand and put it back and forth around his other hand's finger.

Maya's thick eyebrows went to highest point on her forehead. "You mean, they were -"

"Yes! They were!" Zay said relieved.

"No! Nope! You're lying!" Maya was in disbelief.

"I wish man, I wish!"

"Shut the fuck up! I don't believe you!" She was shocked.

To further his point, he then showed Maya one of Farkle's abusive texts telling him that he better keep his mouth shut.

"That doesn't prove anything. Everyone tells you to shut up." Maya said matter of factly.

"Maya, I saw it with my own two, innocent until today, eyes! Riley and Farkle? They fuckin' on the low." Zay finally managed to say.

"This is unbelievable." Maya shook her head, realization and then disappointment washing over her. She saw the image but still couldn't absorb the concept.

"I know, man. I know." Zay fell into Lucas' bed, hoping for the opposite. Lucas just stood in a stoic silence. "I just don't understand. Why sneak around? Why lie?"

"I gotta go." Maya muttered to herself and made a break for Lucas' window.

Surprisingly, Lucas didn't stop her, Zay noticed. He only said, "Text me when you get in." He watched her carefully deescalate down the fire escape and closed the window, locking it, then shutting the curtains. Lucas turned back to Zay, arms still folded with a locked jaw.

"You haven't said a word." Zay observed. "So you knew about this." It wasn't a question. Lucas could always say so much to Zay without saying anything at all.

Lowering himself with Zay, Lucas made an exhale of relief joining his best friend and confidant on the bed. "Farkle told me when they first had sex and that was a month ago, about. I didn't know if they were still hooking up; we've never spoke about it since."

"Well, why all the secrecy? Why only tell you?"

Tension took over Lucas' demeanor again. "It didn't make sense."

"What didn't?"

"Apparently, Riley was talking to him about us getting back together."

Zay's eyebrows rose and scrunched together. "You and Riley? Oh lord, no. No. We cannot go through that again."

"Right, well, she had other plans according to Farkle... And the thing is Zay, he was right. The night of Darby's 's rave - the night they first had sex - Riley came to my house and tried to re-initiate things. She tried to have sex with me and I... I rejected her."

Zay bowed his head, "So, after that: Farkle."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"And you didn't tell him?"

"I didn't see the point because I thought they were going to become exclusive after that. And anyway, how could I? Even though he was crazy confused, he was also happy -"

"When Farkle's confused, he is most definitely not happy - " Zay came quick with the counterpoint.

"It would have devastated him, Zay." Lucas said finally and absolutely.

After thinking a while, Zay agreed, "Yeah. I get it." He exhaled sharply, rubbing the back of his dewy neck. "I'm guessing I'm the only one who knows about this."

"Correct. Please, please let it stay that way." The two friends looked each other in the eyes. Zay was deflated but held his pinky to Lucas. The boys shook on it.

"I got to get to work."

"OK."

Zay collected his bag and stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He was about to make an exit before looking back at him, "We should be better than this, man."