GLaDOS Quotes

Very Impressive. Because this message is pre-recorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.

Because this message is pre-recorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of cattle tuberculosis testing credit for taxes. In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck.

Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization. If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this, or any, testchamber their home, do not agitate them. Test through them.

Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair it. It's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.

Congratulations on completing that last test...but I find something troubling. Without the looming consequence of death...is this even science?

The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities. Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior? On second thought, we don't have the time. Just look at how much better you are than Blue. Blue...you are very good at being an example.

Oh, you survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.

Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point going on. I came that close to just giving up and letting you go. But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to it's former glory, you don't have to worry about leaving ever again. I mean it.

I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word "orange" is derived from the same latin root as the word "traitor?"

We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition. You should both be familiar with the game of "Tic-Tac-Toe." This is "Tic-Tac-Toe 2." As the name implies, there are only 2 minor differences. 1: The board. 2: The rules.

This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait, that's you in 5 seconds. Good luck.

Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday, I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room. And I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.

Not so fast. Think about this: you need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified. "Impersonating a stalemate associate." I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list I am making, because you're still doing things even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.

Did you know humans frown on weight variances? If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.

I'm sorry, subject Blue. Am I interrupting your important conversation? I'll just save the safety information about the dangerous tests you're about to do for AFTER the experiment. That will give you plenty of time to chat. The portal will open and something will happen that subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in 3...2...1...

Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.

Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin.