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YOU ARE THE REASON

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

ā
noise dept.
Sade Olutola

Discoholic šŖ©
wallacepolsom
$LAYYYTER
i don't do bad sauce passes
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
we're not kids anymore.

tannertan36
KIROKAZE

PR's Tumblrdome
h
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@glaconne

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2005 Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi Ami Plush In Box
spending 20 dollars is easy but once you do it 5 times uh oh
you should be able to spend 20 dollars at least 10 times before it adds up to one hundred dollars

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A simple green onion will rock your world
Hans Haacke: Rhine Water Purification Plant (1972)
you have to let "dennys parking lot at 3 am" go. you have to think independently. you have to come up with your own strange places, and indeed your own strange times to be there. there's authenticity in that
hey ... cut it out š”

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awesome response to sending my mom a tiktok
10/4/23 š
octopus 2022 wrapped
this year you disguised yourself as:
coral 10023 times
ocean floor 8064 times
coconut shell 244 times
various fish 196 times
scuba divers long lost wife 12 times
so many unanswered texts
OH MY GOD.
āI was 14, I didnāt know what I was doing.ā
whaT THE FUCK
This story has no goddamn brakes
(transcript because I couldnāt find one in the notes)
Stephen Colbert: A lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like outcasts, or that sort of thing; was that your experience growing up?
BJ Novak: I think thatās exaggerated, I think a lot of people love to say, āoh I was such a nerdā or āI was such a rebel, I sat in the back of the busā. Most people sat in the middle of the bus. Thatās how buses work. So, you know, people say-
Colbert: So you were sitting in the middle?
Novak: Yeah, thatās where I sat! I mean, I did my homework and y'know, dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. I did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which I guess is sort of my way of balancing where I sat on the bus. When I was 14, I got it in my head that I wanted a fake ID. and I committed what- the only term for it is āidentity theftā, to get this fake ID. So this is the kind of nerd- Iāve never told this story before, this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be like, āa bad kidā. I went to the Newton library where I grew up, and I went through their polling records⦠buckle in.
Colbert: I think youāve already - just that sentence has violated a federal law, but go ahead.
Novak: Yeah, thereās a handful of these, and I actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldnāt get the WiFi.
Colbert: Okay.
Novak: So I looked up -this is true- I looked up someone that was 21 years old, through their polling records.
Colbert: And youāre 14.
Novak: I was 14 years old, I looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial, because I thought, āif I get drunkā -I had never been drunk. I was like, āif I forget my name, I canāt get bustedā. So I found someone who was āBenjamin J. [something]ā. So I found this guyās name and I thought, āif I can just forge all his documents, I can go to the DMV and say I lost my license and theyāll give me a new license with his pictureā, this is my plan. Ā So first I need to know where heās born so I can get his birth certificate, so I call his house. I ask for him, I donāt know what i would have done, I get his brother and I say āI work with Ben, weāre doing a crossword puzzle based on his life for his birthday. Can you tell me what town he was born in?ā. So he told me and I took the subway there and I got his birth certificate.
Colbert: How- You went to the- You went to like the county clerk and said-
Novak: They didnāt ask for ID, they just gave me his birth certificate. Then I opened up a mailbox in his name and wrote- I was 14, I didnāt know what i was doing- I wrote to the IRS.
Colbert: Uh-huhā¦
Novak: And I filled out tax forms in his name. And then I went to the DMV and said āI lost my wallet and I need to-this is all i haveā. And i looked 14 years old, but I had these documents, so they sent me to the backroom with this woman who sized me up and said āI canāt give you this, you donāt even have a pictureā, and then said with a wry smile on her face, āOpen your wallet right now.ā and like a true method actor, the only thing I had in my wallet was a library card I had signed in his name. And she approved it, and for the rest of high school I had this actual driverās license, with my picture on it. [audience cheering] Novak: Iām glad we have some support. You have a look on your face- I donāt know if that was funny or if you just broke the lawā¦
Colbert: It was fantastic, I just hope you have a good lawyer.

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whenever im cooking and i spill something onto the bare stove i think of this
Audrey in a publicity shot for āGigiā (1952). Photograph by Milton H. Greene.