Charlie

road head got me spasming, legs busting through the floor of the car like fred flintstone. ran outta gas and were still making it home. yabba dabba doo!

stop drinking beer with the deer and come have a cider with the spiderrrr

thinking about when my brother got chatbanned from overwatch and the email they sent him after he tried to appeal it said “we dont normally bring up the incriminating messages, but in this case we feel its necessary to show you what got you banned” and it was all shit like “ i will kidnap you in the desert and make you forget how to eat”

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

the most Child Emperor urge i have is to shout "BOOORRIINGGG!!!" when i have to witness something i dont like for too long

Being high has me saying things like “I like friends” as if it’s some profound relization

a puff of truthweed will have your breath carry only the undeniable

happy one year anniversary to the time i was in vermont in a dorm with a carbon monoxide leak and jacked off to this painting

^my old mutual that got chased of the website for racefaking and making up fake family members that died in the holocaust as well as 1000000 other things like lying about being in special ed as a kid and lying about being in an arranged marriage and lying about getting hunted by the italian mafia

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

you have IBS.

all that and i havent killed myself yet i must really love this stupid fucking life